Biggest pros and cons of each state

[d_marsh]

Agree or disagree?


While every state in the Union is way better than France, each has its upsides and downsides. We at The Babylon Bee have collected for you the biggest pros and cons of living in all fifty of these United States:


Alabama

Pro: Unlikely to be a target in a nuclear attack.

Con: Punishable by death to finish a conversation without saying, "Roll Tide!"

Alaska

Pro: Beautiful nature and solitude.

Con: Everything in the beautiful nature and solitude is trying to kill you.

Arizona

Pro: It's a dry heat.

Con: The dry heat is 379 degrees Fahrenheit.

Arkansas

Pro: Birthplace of Walmart, also known as "Not Target".

Con: The Clintons started burying their enemies there.

California

Pro: You can steal anything you want up to $950 and nobody will stop you.

Con: There's no electricity, so you have to do all your stealing in the dark.

Colorado

Pro: The Rockies (mountain range).

Con: The Rockies (baseball team).

Connecticut

Pro: Was the headquarters for ESPN back when it covered sports.

Con: Is still the headquarters for ESPN now that it covers the WNBA.

Delaware

Pro: Endless supply of classified documents everywhere you look.

Con: If you go to the beach, may have to see Joe Biden shirtless.

Florida

Pro: Ron DeSantis.

Con: Donald Trump.

(This list item was paid for by Ron DeSantis for President 2024)

Georgia

Pro: Chick-fil-A.

Con: Everywhere you look, you can't help but see Stacey Abrams.

Hawaii

Pro: Tropical island paradise.

Con: Island can erupt at any moment if sacrifices aren't made to the volcano god.

Idaho

Pro: Incredible fly fishing.

Con: Brian Stelter could turn up at any minute.

Illinois

Pro: One slice of Chicago pizza feeds a family of 5 for a week.

Con: You can't eat the pizza because you have to be in shape to run from mobs. Also, you can't say "mobs".

Indiana

Pro: Race cars and basketball.

Con: Stray bullets sometimes fly over the border from Chicago.

Iowa

Pro: Tons of beer.

Con: You need to drink tons of beer because you're in Iowa.

Kansas

Pro: Tornadoes don't happen every day.

Con: Tornadoes do happen sometimes and people just live there like it's a normal thing.

Kentucky

Pro: Resting place of Noah's actual ark.

Con: No one can agree on how Louisville is pronounced. This is actually what started the American Civil War.

Louisiana

Pro: Incredible food.

Con: You have just died of diabetes.

Maine

Pro: Lobsters and the world's largest globe.

Con: Stephen King could appear at any moment to lecture you about Trump.

Maryland

Pro: It's not technically Washington, D.C.

Con: Swamp creatures from Washington, D.C. constantly roaming over the southern border.

Massachusetts

Pro: It's the home of the Patriots (a pro for Patriots fans).

Con: It's the home of the Patriots (a con for everyone else in the country).

Michigan

Pro: Everything that's not Detroit.

Con: Detroit.

Minnesota

Pro: Invented by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Con: All police have been replaced with a giant suggestion box down at City Hall.

Mississippi

Pro: You get to eat lots of delicious food.

Con: The mosquitoes get to eat YOU.

Missouri

Pro: Low cost of living, lots of land, great real estate prices.

Con: You live in Missouri.

Montana

Pro: There's nothing but wide-open land.

Con: No, seriously, there's nothing but wide-open land.

Nebraska

Pro: Vast corn fields with occasional friendly people amongst the corn.

Con: Entire identity still built around being good at football thirty years ago.

Nevada

Pro: You could strike it rich in the casino.

Con: You won't.

New Hampshire

Pro: The slogan is "Live free or die", a libertarian philosophy.

Con: This slogan has attracted many libertarians.

New Jersey

Pro: Cool TV shows like Jersey Shore.

Con: If that's the pro, we're not even going to tell you what the con is.

New Mexico

Pro: Weird Al wrote an epic song about Albuquerque.

Con: Everyone asks you if you've seen the places from Breaking Bad.

New York

Pro: Low crime thanks to the efforts of your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

Con: Spider-Man isn't real and you've just been mugged.

North Carolina

Pro: Hurricanes (hockey team).

Con: Hurricanes (like, LITERAL HURRICANES).

North Dakota

Pro: Funny accents like in the movie Fargo.

Con: If you forget to close a window you freeze to death.

Ohio

Pro: It's not Michigan.

Con: It's Ohio.

Oklahoma

Pro: All the Californians are moving to Texas instead of here.

Con: Several times a year a massive tornado will threaten to murder you.

Oregon

Pro: Beautiful beaches, trees, and mountains.

Con: Like a cancerous tumor in a healthy lung, Portland exists.

Pennsylvania

Pro: You can live in an uppity city or in the backwoods country with the Amish.

Con: PennDOT.

(note: we have no clue what this means, but our Bee writer from Pennsylvania said locals will find this hilarious. If you locals don't like it, please let us know and he will be sacked).

Rhode Island

Pro: Everything is close together.

Con: Not an actual island - false advertising.

South Carolina

Pro: Amazing food, golf, and beaches. Surprisingly cool pirate history.

Con: There are more alligators than people, and they are surprisingly organized.

South Dakota

Pro: Mount Rushmore.

Con: Mount Rushmore still doesn't have Trump's face on it.

(Ron DeSantis did not pay us enough money to sponsor this list item).

Tennessee

Pro: Incredible music scene.

Con: It's country music.

Texas

Pro: It's such a great place to live that all the Californians are moving here and becoming conservatives and voting for Republicans to keep Texas red.

Con: Wait - what? They're moving there and voting for the same policies that ruined the state they left? Why in tarnation would they do that?!

Utah

Pro: Lots of big families and friendly people.

Con: Hard to remember if your neighbor's 7th kid is named Rayleighlynn or Reighlynnleigh.

Vermont

Pro: Fall foliage, maple syrup.

Con: Statistically speaking, you're pretty likely to be living next to one of Bernie Sanders' homes.

Virginia

Pro: Long history of political philosophy and secession.

Con: You're getting a bit too close to those rich men north of Richmond.

Washington

Pro: Most of the state is not Seattle and is actually quite nice.

Con: Overrun with teenage girls looking for the places where Twilight was shot.

West Virginia

Pro: The mountains are gorgeous.

Con: You have to spend your entire life inside the mountains getting coal.

Wisconsin

Pro: They make incredible beer and cheese.

Con: Future Hall-Of-Fame quarterback just left the Packers for the Jets. The JETS.

Wyoming

Pro: Very remote and secretive.

Con: It may not exist. Have you ever met anyone from there?


https://babylonbee.com/news/the-biggest-pros-and-cons-of-living-in-each-state

 

[Mountain trapper]

The biggest con in my state is the GD Californians moving in trying to make it California.

 

[Pearl]

The biggest con in my state is the GD Californians moving in trying to make it California.

Are you getting' those dang varmints there too? Maybe our Texas Governor can bus y'all some illegals too!!

 

[dademoss]

Thank God in Ohio DeWhine is term limited, but who knows what #$!#@$ will come next.

 

[shanrose]

The biggest con in my state is the GD Californians moving in trying to make it California.

Everybody hates Californians!

 

[Supervisor42]

They need to swap the con for Mississippi with the con in Louisiana. We own the mosquitoes.
You can tell they have been to neither state.

 

[Tirediron]

Everybody hates Californians!

some people who escaped California are very likeable

 

[Supervisor42]

some people who escaped California are very likeable

I tend to think they are the 'smart' ones.
They have seen first-hand what doesn't work, and were smart enough to flee.

 

[Tirediron]

I tend to think they are the 'smart' ones.
They have seen first-hand what doesn't work, and were smart enough to flee.

I would easily agree with that, although upgrade might be a more accurate term.

 

[winds-of-change]

Another con to Oklahoma. TICKS. We have tons of ticks.

 

[Tommyice]

New Jersey

Pro: Cool TV shows like Jersey Shore.

Con: If that's the pro, we're not even going to tell you what the con is.

Pro: Sweet corn, tomatoes, blueberries and apples

Con: Everyone thinks we are all mobsters. Oh fuggeddaboudit.

 

[Mountain trapper]

Everybody hates Californians!

I have met a couple Californians who were ok, we even have a good one here on this site. The problem with most Californians is they all think they are conservative, but they have no idea what a true conservative is, just look at their state. Many Californians move to another state and soon get bored of the "slower" pace and they don't understand the agricultural lifestyle. Then they get involved in politics and over time they turn the state in to another California. A couple examples; Oregon, Washington, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and they're working on others.

 

[Peanut]

Pro: Sweet corn, tomatoes, blueberries and apples

Con: Everyone thinks we are all mobsters. Oh fuggeddaboudit.

We know you're peaceful animal lovers!

 

[Amish Heart]

Kansas: pro...lots and lots of food grown here
con: never saw a tornado, but extreme wind is a normal thing here

 

[shanrose]

Another con to Oklahoma. TICKS. We have tons of ticks.

They're all over the east coast. We just found one crawling in our bed. Now I'm afraid to walk outside in the grass.

 

[shanrose]

I have met a couple Californians who were ok, we even have a good one here on this site. The problem with most Californians is they all think they are conservative, but they have no idea what a true conservative is, just look at their state. Many Californians move to another state and soon get bored of the "slower" pace and they don't understand the agricultural lifestyle. Then they get involved in politics and over time they turn the state in to another California. A couple examples; Oregon, Washington, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, and they're working on others.

That's why everyone is so protective of their area.

 

[Mountain trapper]

Pros for my state: great fishing, hunting, mountains, forests, clean rivers and lakes, good people (except for the new comers), 85% public lands (also a con).

Cons: new comers, 85% public lands, very expensive property values, very dry summers, population growth, flat landers, flat land drivers.

 

[DrHenley]

I grew up in Mississippi, and both Pro and Con are actually true, LOL, especially in the Delta. Thank heaven for Thermacell!

 

[Weedygarden]

South Dakota

Pro: Mount Rushmore.

Con: Mount Rushmore still doesn't have Trump's face on it.

(Ron DeSantis did not pay us enough money to sponsor this list item).

Nah, not Mount Rushmore!
Pro: The lack of population, conservative people, friendly and helpful people. Nature, hunting and fishing, good farming and ranching. Taxes.

Con: Krusty Gnome, proud dog killer

 

[Weedygarden]

North Dakota

Pro: Funny accents like in the movie Fargo.

Con: If you forget to close a window you freeze to death.

@d_marsh, I have always thought this would be a good idea for a thread. I thought if a person was going to "survive" the worst of the worst that will hit our world, where would be the safest place to live?

Pros: That accent is not really true. My mother-in-law hated that reference, but she would say things that were somewhat true, "Don't you know?"
Very conservative people live there.
A sloppy joe in some parts of North Dakota are called slushburgers. Again, not very densely populated except in pockets.
Lots of food grown there. I know a farmer who grows lentils. I have seen fields of sunflowers, wheat, and canola.
"North Dakota is the largest wheat producing state in the United States, producing about 307.85 million bushels in 2023. In 2023, North Dakota also harvested the most wheat by area, with around 6.5 million acres."
Crime used to be pretty low in N.D., but oil fields have brought in people who are less than savory. Locals like to stay home on Friday nights. I'm sure that in some areas, crime is still fairly low.

Cons: I've noticed that it doesn't get as cold there now as when I lived there, but it was - 20 and -30 regularly, and once, Christmas 1983, -50 degrees. On record, it says -40. Either way, darned cold.
Considering a bigger picture, North Dakota might also be impacted if and when the caldera at Yellowstone blows.
Another con is that North Dakota is on the Canadian border and it is a place where people can and probably cross the border.
Some areas are pretty densely populated, due to oil fields. I once drove on highway 85 (western part of the state) and saw man camp after man camp. Man camps are similar to trailer parks, only with mobile homes subdivided or rented out by rooms. I know a man who said he paid $1400 a month for a room in a remodeled mobile home. Oil fields are in the northwestern part of the state and finding a place to live is a BIG challenge.

 

[Pearl]

Pro: Sweet corn, tomatoes, blueberries and apples

Con: Everyone thinks we are all mobsters. Oh fuggeddaboudit.

I think your con is a pro!!

 

[Pearl]

Bottom line... everyone will bitch about where they live, and when the Californians come, the originals will realize how good they had it!!

 

[Quark]

Montana may have wide open land in the Eastern part of the State but the Western part of the States is over crowed. Most of the population lives in the West.

 

[Tommyice]

Bottom line... everyone will bitch about where they live, and when the Californians come, the originals will realize how good they had it!!

They ain't coming here--people from NJ move to California

 

[Hooch]

Idaho pros:
An abundance of natural and piped in pool type HOT SPRINGS!
Gem state= lots of rockhounding. Garnet, sapphire, diamons,tourmaline, quarts, agate, opal to name a few. I found a orangy/pink n red garnet gems in the matrix on my property. They are tiny but oooh!!
Huckleberries, mountain trails, mushrooms, wildlife, quaint small towns spread out but close enough to get what you need.
Low property tax and vehicle registration fees.
Not a popular vacation site for gang bangers , druggies or , homeless ..at least in rural areas..avoid Boise area
Not downwind from any projected nuke targets or power sites.

 

[UserNameTaken]

Arizona:
Con: Phoenix. Also the whole state is infested with rattlesnakes, scorpions... and Californians.

Misnomer: It's a dry heat (actually in July-Sept it's a humid miserable heat). Also it has been a record -40 in the White Mtns at 8,500 ft. (But usual lows are about 15-20.)

Pro: It's got excellent health care, low taxes, 4,166 named mountains. About half the state is above 5,000 ft. Everyone carries a gun - AR's are issued on your tenth birthday, I think. My county (26,000 sq mi) has a population density of 6 people per sq mi, mostly concentrated in three towns. Vs NYC with a pop density of 29,000 per sq mi.

I'd avoid the place at all cost.

 

[UserNameTaken]

Montana may have wide open land in the Eastern part of the State but the Western part of the States is over crowed. Most of the population lives in the West.

Cause the eastern side is full of nuclear bombs and might be a big smoking hole one day...

 

[Hooch]

Idaho cons...

Flatlanders who come to visit touristy or small town areas to hunt n fish but drive any road or hwy doing about 70mph at least.

Grasshoppers and yellowjackets

People who move to rural areas and then install bright floodlights all over their property

People who come from the city and don't respect private property , who want to know where the big elk are and shoot at everything then leave their dead critters not always game , just what they can shoot at trailheads..along with their trash..

Too much property is owned by the state gov who then leases it or sells water or mineral rights to companies who are not even US based.

 

[Pearl]

Idaho cons...

Flatlanders who come to visit touristy or small town areas to hunt n fish but drive any road or hwy doing about 70mph at least.

Grasshoppers and yellowjackets

People who move to rural areas and then install bright floodlights all over their property

People who come from the city and don't respect private property , who want to know where the big elk are and shoot at everything then leave their dead critters not always game , just what they can shoot at trailheads..along with their trash..

Too much property is owned by the state gov who then leases it or sells water or mineral rights to companies who are not even US based.

Guess the city folk should stay in the city in every state!!

 

[Quark]

Cause the eastern side is full of nuclear bombs and might be a big smoking hole one day...

Actually it's the Western side that has the nukes. I don't know of any in the Eastern side.