Dirty Work with D. Marsh

[d_marsh]

That was my poor attempt at parody for those of you who have seen Dirty Jobs with Mike Row.

I have been writing up some of the work I have done for the law firm(s) since the beginning minus the names and with slightly skewed details to ensure I meet the obligations of my nondisclosure agreement. So for that purpose, everything I post in this thread is to be considered fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. Unless, of course, I am assigned to investigate the Clinton's and they kill me, in which case you can presume that actually happened. And also, I am going to call these events day one, day two, etc. but don't presume these days were consecutive because there is a 99.9% chance they were not. If this topic bores everyone to death I will just stop posting and we can let it sink into forum oblivion.


Day one:

Bear with me for a moment as this does not have much to do with my love life. Or maybe in some weird way it does. No probably not. Either way it seems my attorney was having lunch with a ‘friend’ who works for the good people of Lie, Cheat & Steal LLP. I don’t know all the details, or how my name came up, but after their conversation I presume my background was checked, finances analyzed, and history reviewed. My attorney called and wanted to meet, I agreed and a few days back we spoke face to face. He extended me a semi-vague offer to receive financial compensation in exchange for certain services. That is lawyer speak for free agent dirty work. No new employee orientation, no HR meetings, no small office in the basement with a red Swingline stapler. I will get a call when there is work to be done and I will either take the job or they call someone else. It pays $800 a day and they cover the taxes. There are also a few benefits; liability insurance, legal protection, paid expenses, bail money, political influence, etc. No dental, but that might not be an issue. He also made some mention about a vehicle and some equipment being provided.

The position description was decidedly vague for a law firm, especially since it was provided verbally and no paperwork was every presented, signed, notarized or anything else. Essentially it included covert static and mobile protection, surveillance and counter surveillance duties, escort and transportation of clients, advance work and intelligence gathering, threat assessment and threat mitigation, liaise with local authorities and other duties. I am confident that ‘other duties’ are where the rubber really meets the road. Especially since it turns out the big firm already has in-house investigators, cyber security techs and contract armed security. Makes one wonder what's left to do after all that.

I do not need a license to investigate things since the state repealed that requirement, but it turns out to comply with the law I will need an armed security license. The qualifications include 80 hours of training, firearms qualification, background check, psych evaluation and more. And yet the lawyer made it sound like he will take care of that without me spending a minute in a classroom or a second on the range. I am confident that my resume far exceeds any requirements they have anyway. Where I will have to receive training is on the legal side of things. I will however be on the receiving end of a tutorial on the law, gray areas, work arounds and where stepping over the line could have consequences if I am caught. He also said never to divulge a thing, for any reason, to anyone. If they have a badge or even if they don’t, hand them the lawyer’s cards and keep my mouth permanently shut. The exact advice I would expect from an attorney.

To be honest I bet all of that sounds very covert with a strong espionage vibe, but in reality I bet’s it really boring and tedious work. Like watching a witness so they don’t run off or trying to find out if Mrs. Richass is sleeping with her tennis pro or pool boy or both. Outside of date night or nights, I don’t have that much going on so I decided to see if the money was worth the tedium.

 

[d_marsh]

Day two:

I showed up to meet with the attorney in furtherance of employment opportunities, but instead I was redirected to a junior partner or an associate or who knows what they did for the firm. I am just going to call her the handler or the contact. The handler escorted me to a room in the back, provided me an armed security guard license bearing my name, a stack of business cards with the lawyer’s name on them, a pay by the minute throw away smart phone, a second identical phone that was in the box but preprogrammed, a set of keys with a familiar Dodge logo and some kind of smaller key and finally a parking permit. She asked if I wanted some coffee before we got started and I accepted the offer. A moment later she returned with a cup of black bean juice and started to provide me what could only be described as a thorough briefing.

She started by asking if the gun I selected to carry had any personal meaning or attachment. I said it did and commented how the old workhorse had been with me for some time. Without any consideration for my feelings about that trusty Glock 19 she suggested I leave it at home. “Get something concealable that you are effective with that can be tossed without hesitation and is easily replaced.” What am I going to be doing for these people? Although in hindsight her instructions did make sense. Next she told me the parking permit was for my personal vehicle but it should only be displayed when parked, otherwise it should be hidden. A few spaces away in the guarded and well monitored parking garage was a newer nondescript Dodge Durango Pursuit with a gas card, insurance card and registration in the center console. “Don’t pay inside and don’t buy anything with it but gasoline.” She continued that in the back of the SUV were several Pelican cases that I should familiarize myself with. If I didn’t understand how to use anything a tutorial could be provided. She also insinuated that I should not leave anything in the SUV or take anything from it when my day was done. “It will be routinely cleaned inside and out, so don’t worry about such things.” She talked about communications protocols, who to call, when to call, who not to call, what numbers were already in the phone and a number that I needed to memorize. We also chatted about what to not talk about when on the phone.

I have been in the military, I have worked as a contractor, I have worked professional security details and I have worked off the books jobs. This may have been the most thorough and specific mission briefing I have ever received. My handler knew her stuff and knew it well. Something tells me this was not her first time making this presentation, and I was right. She would eventually explain that the firm employed a small handful of people to take care of necessary tasks and that at some point I would surely encounter or be assigned to partner with some of my colleagues on specific assignments. The rest of the briefing was all about the legalities of such tasks, grey areas, work arounds, Miranda rights, and another long lecture on keeping my mouth shut. The terms “Lawyer” and “Warrant” seemed to be only two I was allowed to utter aloud. Especially if I had to use my firearm in the lawful defense of myself or others and in doing so was detained by law enforcement.

Eventually we made it to the question and answer period. I will skip the Q’s and provide you only with the A’s. I have my choice between cash, check or deposit but they will pay the taxes and other governmental deductions separately and I was required to file my own income tax return. I could call her when I needed anything; cash, financial transfer via almost any means, another throw away phone, a different vehicle, specific equipment, general information and even advice on how to proceed. She explained that there was a number of drop off and pick up locations for when I had or needed something in my possession. Then I hit the million dollar question. The answer was “Most of this is not about it being dangerous or illegal. It’s was about legal protections, defensibility, trade secrets, data security, property recovery and keeping both the firm as a whole and the client a couple lawyers away from whatever I would be doing. I picked up what she was laying down.

When we reached the end of this little foray into the secretive world of legal dirty work she handed me a manila envelope containing 8 crispy $100 bills and said “I’ll call or text you”. Sounds like I will be carrying two cell phones with me now. Also sounds like I need to select a new concealment piece.

 

[d_marsh]

Day Three:


My first assignment for the firm was either a gift or a test. Or maybe they were just giving me a live audition to see what I was and was not capable of, how I would handle myself or some other assessment of my abilities. I was provided with a folder containing all the missional critical information I would need for this covert flash drive recovery mission. So yeah, basically someone stole a flash drive, and I was supposed to get it back. I chuckled just a little when I came to the generic photo of the USB drive in question in the folder. No one can accuse the firm of failing to pull together all the information one might need. Folders do not leave the firm, so I reviewed the info, made a few notes and committed the visual aspects of the target to memory.

My handler filled in the blanks between names, address, brand names and the details that were not document in the folder. Details such as what was contained on the drive in question. It seems like someone, or to be specific a certain couple, has a pension for inviting additional people into their master bedroom for mature themed recreational activities involving props, attire, and other things I probably better off not knowing about. For the couple to visually relive and re-enjoy the moment, they had their bedroom outfitted with a few high-end video cameras. I cannot say if the people who join them are made aware of this fact or not, and it doesn’t matter because they are the client not the target. It seems one of these special guest participants walked out of the room with a flash drive that was plugged into a laptop attached to a wall mounted television. I watched the video, and it was clear that he snatched it, which made me think he did not know he was being monitored.

The firm was able to provide identifying information, place of employment, address, phone number and everything else I would need to locate the guy. I went to the parking garage and traded my personal vehicle in for a company provided Dodge Durango, the pursuit model, which was just an R/T without the cosmetic upgrades. I was dressed as nondescriptly as I could opting for some khaki pants, a t-shirt and a dark colored no tuck button up. I threw on a ball cap and had some sunglasses at the ready. Of course, my 9mm was properly secured in a holster just around the back of my right hip with a spare mag on the other side. I am not a cop and don’t pretend to be, but I did slide a couple rolled up zip ties into my pocket just in case someone needed to be restrained. I started up the Durango and rolled out of the parking garage.

The guy I was looking for was in his early 20’s, attended college and worked at a car wash. Nothing about him stood out as special or unusual. He didn’t live at home, but he didn’t exactly live on his own either. Seems his grandparents’ house features an in-law suite facing the black paved alleyway and that is where he laid his head at night. Or at least on the nights he wasn’t having a threesome with a wealthy couple twice his age. Since the car wash was closer to me than the back house I decided to stop there first. A friendly counter person said he was not in that day and to check back tomorrow. Since it is August I doubt classes are in session, so I decided to go to his place next.

I drove around the block a couple times and down the alley. His car was parked outside of a structure that looked to be a garage at one time, so I pulled over just out of view and walked up to the door. The alley was overgrown with trees and bushes which provided ample concealment. I did not see any cameras but that doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. I knocked and waited. No one answered. I knocked again and this time I could hear some movement inside; I may have woken him up. He answered the door looking disheveled and maybe hungover. I simply said, “I’m here for the flash drive”. He looked confused for just a moment, but then I could see in his eyes that he knew. He replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” and started to shut the door. I decided to invite myself in and shut the door behind me. I was clear and concise when I communicated that I had one purpose in life, and it was to recover that drive. I offered him a set of options, one that involved a carrot and one that involved a stick. Back up to a sofa in the middle of the room he looked at me and said “How much?” I asked how much he wanted, and he said “$5,000”. I told him I could go up to $2,000, even though I was authorized to go higher. He nodded in agreement. I retrieved my phone and called the firm, they asked for payment method and account details, then sent the 2 grand via Venmo. The flash drive thief walked over to a small metal lock box sitting on a shelf and opened it, as I prepared to act violently if he produced anything other than a USB stick. He handed me the drive and asked me to leave.

I asked if he watched it, he claimed not but he was lying. I asked if he made a copy on another drive or duplicated any of the files, again he claimed that he didn’t. He was lying again. I walked over to him and told him I wanted the copy. He resisted and continued to pretend no copy existed. I backed him into the wall and pressed the flash drive into his brachial plexus tie in, a bundle of nerves where the shoulder and chest meet that can produce a fair amount of discomfort and repeated my request. He did not resist for long, calling me a few unflattering names as he produced a second flash drive from his computer desk. I told him it was my greatest hope to never have to come back, but if I ever found out another copy existed, was uploaded to the cloud or ever appeared on the internet, 3 months 3 days or 3 years into the future, I would be, and he would not like it. He told me there were no more copies and he never uploaded it anywhere. I believed him this time and moved toward the door. As I walked through it and was fully outside, I could hear him telling me off as the door locked behind me.

I put both drives into a small padded and lined plastic envelope and sealed it shut. I called the firm and told them I had two drives in hand and was confident no other copy existed. They instructed me to drive back to the parking garage and just leave the envelope on the front seat. By the time I was back in my challenger I had already received a transfer notice for $800. My handler may not be personable or have a sense of humor, but she is efficient

 

[Bacpacker]

Good stuff