Don't Say 'Thank You For Your Service' This Monday

[Sentry18]

Don't Say 'Thank You For Your Service' This Monday



May 28, 20175:03 PM ET

A soldier in the Old Guard places flags at graves in Arlington National Cemetery in preparation for Memorial Day, on May 29.
Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images

"I hope you're having a meaningful day."

That might be one of the better things to say to a veteran this Monday. You should probably avoid the common refrain, "Thank you for your service," according to someone who should know.

"On Memorial Day, the veteran you're talking to may be going through a bit of melancholy remembering people who died over the years," says Navy veteran Luke Visconti, who also co-founded the website DiversityInc, which wrote about the subject recently.

As most people are aware (or should be), Memorial Day and Veterans Day serve different purposes.

Veterans Day is to honor the service of people who have worn the uniforms of the armed forces.

Memorial Day is intended to remember those who died while serving.

Visconti encourages those who want to say supportive words to a veteran to recognize "that the person may have friends who died in combat."

As far as saying thank you goes, "I don't need to be thanked for my service," he tells NPR's Michel Martin. "I think it's become kind of a platitude, toss-away thing to say."


Memorial Day and Veterans Day have separate origins going back to two different wars: the Civil War and World War I.


Shortly after the Civil War, Memorial Day began as Decoration Day. "The reason for that is because it was a day on which Americans, South and in the North, would decorate the graves of soldiers who died in the Civil War," history professor Matthew Dennis told NPR in 2005. It was a "vernacular, grassroots kind of expression of mourning."


Maj. Gen. John A. Logan, who headed a group for Union veterans, declared in 1868 that Decoration Day would be observed on May 30. According to a Memorial Day history from the Department of Veterans Affairs, after World War I the holiday was broadened to include service members who died in all of the country's wars, not just the Civil War.


Multiple cities claim to be the birthplace of the holiday, but President Lyndon Johnson formally gave the honor to Waterloo, N.Y., in 1966. An act of Congress in 1971 switched the observance to the last Monday in May, the VA notes.


Veterans Day, on the other hand, was originally called Armistice Day, which commemorated the end of fighting in World War I — you may have heard before that it happened on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month, in 1918.


President Woodrow Wilson celebrated the first Armistice Day in 1919. In 1938, November 11 became a legal holiday by an act of Congress, and in 1954 it was changed from "Armistice" to "Veterans" Day, in order to honor all veterans.


So save the thanks for Veterans Day, if you must. "I think sometimes maybe just a pat on the back or an arm around the shoulder is really better than words," Visconti says. "So just be a friend."

https://www.npr.org/2017/05/28/530504781/words-youll-hear-memorial-day-dos-and-donts

 

[Sentry18]

Memorial Day: What It Means, Why It's Not 'Veterans Day' and How to Approach Your Veterans
Written by Kaitlyn D'Onofrio on May 22, 2017

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On Memorial Day, many well-intentioned people take time to tell the veterans in their lives, “Thank you for your service.”
This common misconception, that Memorial Day is a time to thank veterans, is not in fact what the holiday is intended for.
“Memorial Day is essentially the one day that we should remember all veterans that are no longer with us, whether that is from combat, everyday accidents or just the natural course of life with people dying of old age,” said Chris Wilson, VP of major accounts at DiversityInc. “You ‘memorialize’ those that decided to sign a contract to be a part of something that would help the American people by joining the American military.”
For many Americans, Memorial Day is “the unofficial start of summer,” a day off of work and the perfect day for a barbecue. But for some veterans, Chris explained, Memorial Day could in fact be a very difficult day. Rather than being a day to thank living veterans for their service, Memorial Day is a day to remember veterans who are no long with us, whether they died in combat or not.
Chris served active duty in the United States Marine Corps from 2007 to 2012 as an Infantry Officer, serving deployments to Afghanistan in 2009 and 2011. He did lose friends in combat. And for veterans, Memorial Day could be similar to the first holiday you celebrate after losing a loved one.
“We often hear that when people pass, the first ‘holiday’ season is very hard because they are not at the dinner table or opening presents,” Chris said. “The first couple of Memorial Days out of active duty service can be the same.”
This is not to say that all veterans will have a difficult day. Some veterans will be fine that weekend, perhaps if they were not traumatized by combat or did not experience death firsthand.
But for others, Memorial Day could bring a flood of painful memories.
“Companies need to recognize that other veterans may have memories of combat, almost dying, buddies dying, killing people, and so many other things can erupt during this weekend of emotions,” Chris said.
For some years, Memorial Day was more difficult than others, Chris recalled. 2014 was particularly difficult. That was one of the years Chris decided to visit Arlington National Cemetery, where Marines who Chris lost during combat are buried.
“I made the trip to Arlington over Memorial Day but at this point I had been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. So my emotions were taking over how I could act around others,” Chris said. “The day before I went to Arlington, my father-in-law asked me if I was going to see the families. A wave of emotion hit me, and I couldn’t talk, but only cry. Then on the trip down there, I had an anxiety attack.”
That year, Chris sought therapy for his PTSD — a decision that made a world of a difference.
“Memorial Day in 2015 and those afterward have been totally fine — only because I went to therapy,” Chris said.
Rather than approaching your veterans and saying, “Thank you for your service,” “Is this a difficult weekend for you” or “How many friends did you lose on your deployments” Chris suggests saying something along the lines of:
“Enjoy your weekend, but I want you to know that I will be remembering what this holiday is about.”
“Enjoy your weekend, and I will be thinking about those that are no longer with us.”
“I will be taking a moment this weekend to honor those that served our nation and are no longer with us.”
If you are or know of a loved one who is struggling during this time or any other time, now is when to seek help.
“My door is always open for anyone that wants to talk about my experiences and how I was able to become 100% healthy from my PTSD. I want our client base to understand.” — Chris Wilson

https://www.diversityinc.com/memorial-day-means-not-veterans-day-approach-veterans/

 

[Cnsper]

Well said. The thank you for your service is just becoming a cliche. I have said for a while it was over used and people said it to everyone just so they felt good about themselves. Never stopped to help a veteran but they thanked them. It is so over used it is no longer heartfelt.

I don't know what it is but I would rather sit down and talk to a veteran as I am truely interested in what they have to say and thank them afterward. It proves to them that someone truely cares.

Just saying it in passing has become meaningless. I guess it makes a bunch of limp dicks feel better about themselves. If we want to thank a veteran, take better care of them. Don't treat them like the trash you are about to take to the curb.

Ok I have had my say and for clarification, no I am not a veteran. The lifestyle was just not for me, I don't do well with orders.

 

[backlash]

Luke Visconti is another agenda-pushing liberal.
Look him up.
Luke Visconti, owner of DiversityInc, first said on CNN that Tea Party leaders are "leveraging racism" and that they have risen to power with an "anti-black Obama" message.
His whole company is based on advancing liberal causes. He thinks he has now found a way to attack Veterans.
Thank a Veteran or not, it's your choice.
So to all the veterans THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!

 

[Meerkat]

As I said in an earlier thread, thank you for bringing this to my attention,never thought of this way.

 

[Sentry18]

Luke Visconti is another agenda-pushing liberal.
Look him up.
Luke Visconti, owner of DiversityInc, first said on CNN that Tea Party leaders are "leveraging racism" and that they have risen to power with an "anti-black Obama" message.
His whole company is based on advancing liberal causes. He thinks he has now found a way to attack Veterans.
Thank a Veteran or not, it's your choice.
So to all the veterans THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!

I figured that out when he named his business DiversityINC. But that hardly changes the message. Presuming that 100% of what anyone who is on the other side of a fence from you says is automatically wrong is called polarization.