Buying clothes at second hand/thrift shops is always a viable option for little ones. The speed at which they grow can easily make it unaffordable. Keeping up with their normal everyday school clothes is hard enough. If you're worried about having enough for him if SHTF, then think cheap and think durable. That would be my $.02 on the matter...
As far as what you and the wife should wear, that's another story, sort of. If you all should wear camo, then the lad should probably have cammies too. If you're thinking that you all shouldn't look too tac'ed out, then consider that for him. I would think even if you all decide not to wear camo or tac gear, then I might still consider it for him. I see her point as far as folks seeing you and thinking "He's loaded for bear... Get him." There's truth to that, especially if you're in a small group, or it's just the 3 of you. This is a really hard topic, IMHO. You need to be able to load out and yet you don't want to look like you're the one that has all the kit that others need.
I think of this in terms of concealed carry, too. I know guys who like to dress almost like SWAT members when putzing around town with friends or family. They think it deters people, they think that about open carry, too. The idea of concealed carry isn't just baout NOT freaking people out, but keeping a tactical advantage. Fanny packs, BDUs, tactical backpacks, etc all lend an air... They definitely give off an impression that you aren't Mr and Mrs Fairfax. You look more like the people they need to ask for help if things go south. You also look more like the person that the bad guys need to consider first since you pose a threat.
Have you ever heard the term "Be the Grey Man"? This is what I feel is the best for everyday life and would likely be the best in a crisis situation. I know it's a movie, but Denzel Washington in Book of Eli is a good example. People didn't take him as a threat. Some still saw him as a source of supply, but that wasn't a good idea, obviously. Much of his advantage came from the element of surprise, which is a VERY real advantage. Crooks use EOS to overwhelm victims and good folks often use EOS to overwhelm baddies in self defense. It is a basis of tactics in hand to hand combat, in firearms training, executive protection, and virtually all other forms of combat and self defense training. Even women are told to walk to their cars holding their key ring which has a pepper spray or kubotan on it. Even a plain old key is a good tool, but the idea is to NOT be caught off guard while NOT allowing others to know you're holding a weapon. I think this crosses over to more than just the weapons themselves. It crosses over to your demeanor, your dress, your entire being. That's pretty much the reason I don't like the idea of looking too tac'ed out unless you are in HUGE numbers and are primarily looking for people who need HELP. Uniforms are often associated with public servants, or even militia. Looking similar to one or the other sends a message for sure. Depending on what the crisis is, that may be a VERY bad idea.
