Tales from the thin blue line
- Thread starter Sentry18
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
This one has stuck with me over the years, not sure why.
Middle of the night. Fall. About 55 degrees and dropping fast. Driving by an apartment building. I see a young very buxom woman wearing nothing but panties standing outside an apartment fire tower door pounding on it shouting "let me in!". Thinking she is the victim of some kind of attack I pull up and momentarily hit the lights. She turns around and I realize she is covered in vomit, she has wet herself, she has crapped herself and she has snot running down to her chin. Gross. And trust me, the smell was worse than the sight. I ask if she is okay and she starts crying and babbling incoherently. I get a blanket from the trunk and get her covered up. I am expecting her to be drunk or high or the victim of a sexual assault or something. Nope. After some time (and the arrival of a female officer) we get out of her that she took a double (or triple) dose of Nyquil (after taking some other cold remedies) and went to bed with the flu. Her phone rang and in her state she somehow thought it was the fire alarm and ran outside in nothing but her undies trying to escape the nonexistent inferno. No phone, no keys, no nothing but underwear. Once she got outside she started puking and apparently lost all control of her bodily functions. She hid in the bushes for 15-20 minutes but then decided she would rather be embarrassed than die outside. We got her up to her apartment and the female officer stood by until the woman was showered and back in bed.
Middle of the night. Fall. About 55 degrees and dropping fast. Driving by an apartment building. I see a young very buxom woman wearing nothing but panties standing outside an apartment fire tower door pounding on it shouting "let me in!". Thinking she is the victim of some kind of attack I pull up and momentarily hit the lights. She turns around and I realize she is covered in vomit, she has wet herself, she has crapped herself and she has snot running down to her chin. Gross. And trust me, the smell was worse than the sight. I ask if she is okay and she starts crying and babbling incoherently. I get a blanket from the trunk and get her covered up. I am expecting her to be drunk or high or the victim of a sexual assault or something. Nope. After some time (and the arrival of a female officer) we get out of her that she took a double (or triple) dose of Nyquil (after taking some other cold remedies) and went to bed with the flu. Her phone rang and in her state she somehow thought it was the fire alarm and ran outside in nothing but her undies trying to escape the nonexistent inferno. No phone, no keys, no nothing but underwear. Once she got outside she started puking and apparently lost all control of her bodily functions. She hid in the bushes for 15-20 minutes but then decided she would rather be embarrassed than die outside. We got her up to her apartment and the female officer stood by until the woman was showered and back in bed.
Im loving it. Stay tuned for more!
While working Traffic Enforcement, I was sitting on my motor at a 3 way stop sign in front of our high school. I see a car not even slow down and blasted through the intersection at about 50MPH, in a 25MPH school zone. I light up the car, and low and behold it was a nun from the Catholic Church up the street. She was squirming badly as I slowly approached her. I asked her if she knew why I stopped her and she said "Yes". I asked her to tell me exactly what she was doing wrong and she said, "Officer, I was speeding AND I ran that stop sign". I asked her why she would do this, especially in front of a school, and she responded, "I'm sorry officer, I have diarrhea, and if I don't get to a bathroom quick, it will soon get much worse!"
Yeah, who am I to judge? No, I did not give her a ticket either!
Yeah, who am I to judge? No, I did not give her a ticket either!
I had one like that once. Woman flying down the road like a bat out of hell. Stopped her and she was acting all weird, which made me suspicious. No alcohol odor, no drug odor, no visual contraband, etc. Finally I just asked her what we wrong and she said "I am wearing white pants, I just got my period and my flow is very heavy". I looked down and yep, true on both counts. The second her license came back as valid I sent her on her way, also with no citation.
I once saw a VW doing donuts at a school parking lot at 3 in the morning. After red lighting them, I saw it was 4 girls and they were squirming badly as I was approaching. I saw that all 4 young girls had removed their pants and underwear, and were doing a "man spread" for me. I guess they were doing it for the shock value, and it worked. The driver was the only one sober, so I let them drive off after giving each girl a 5 minute lecture on being nasty. (The last part I embellished, and was probably about 5 seconds)
I once found a fairly attractive woman walking down the street, buck naked, mid-afternoon, bright and beautiful day, carefree and having a great time. As cars would drive by her she would bend over and spread her cheeks, or grab and shake her boobs, or spread her legs open. When I finally got her to stop the show and cover up (with a provided blanket) by my squad car, all she would do was flash me over and over as I collected her info. Eventually she broke down sobbing and told me she had found out her husband had been been taking nudes and sex photos of her for years pretending it was real turn on for him. In reality he was sharing and swapping them with a large group of people online who apparently got off on exchanging pics of their significant others. She decided since the "whole world" had seen her naked she might as well keep it up. I heard later that she got her payback in divorce court where the judge decided to punish him for his perversion.
I went to a murder investigation where the Middle Eastern housekeeper shot and killed the female homeowner. We were handcuffing the housekeeper when the dead wife's husband returned home from work. He ran over to the housekeeper and gave her one of those "I'm off to war" kisses. We later found out that the guy was forced to marry his bride, even though he had always hated her. You know, that arranged marriage crap. Well, he truly fell in love with the housekeeper, and this was the only way they could be together, even though the housekeeper would spend the next 30 years in prison. Love is often strange...
