County Durham Declares War on America
Barak Obama, The US President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hello, Mr Obama" an English accented voice said. "This is Bert down at the Harp Pub in In County Durham England. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Bert," Obama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Bert, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my Cousin Bill, my next door neighbour Steve, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Obama paused. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"By heck" says Bert. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Bert calls again. "Mr Obama, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Bert?" Obama asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and old man Brown's farm tractor."
Obama sighs amused. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"God preserve us!" says Bert. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Bert rings again the next day. "Mr Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Alf Watsons ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Miners Bar have joined us as well!"
Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Bert, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Bert calls again the next day. "What fettle the day?', Mr Obama! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that Bert," says Obama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Bert, "we had a long chat over a few pints of bitter, and decided there is no bloody way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
Barak Obama, The US President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hello, Mr Obama" an English accented voice said. "This is Bert down at the Harp Pub in In County Durham England. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Bert," Obama replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Bert, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my Cousin Bill, my next door neighbour Steve, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Obama paused. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"By heck" says Bert. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Bert calls again. "Mr Obama, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Bert?" Obama asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and old man Brown's farm tractor."
Obama sighs amused. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"God preserve us!" says Bert. "I'll have to get back to you."
Sure enough, Bert rings again the next day. "Mr Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Alf Watsons ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Miners Bar have joined us as well!"
Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Bert, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Bert, "I will have to ring you back."
Sure enough, Bert calls again the next day. "What fettle the day?', Mr Obama! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that Bert," says Obama. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Bert, "we had a long chat over a few pints of bitter, and decided there is no bloody way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
