Jokes and Humor

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[WVDragonlady]

 

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[dademoss]

 

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[Magus]

View attachment 129777

*pours bleach in eyes*

 

[GeorgiaPeachie]

This tree is trying to escape!

 

[Haertig]

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This tree is trying to escape!

Ents!

 

[kd4ulw]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[havasu]

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.​

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyway……I had the Vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows!
He’s like a machine!
I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him … but they kind of have a peppermint taste to them!

 

[Neb]

I recently spent $6,500 on this registered Black Angus bull.​

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn’t even look at a cow.

I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyway……I had the Vet come and take a look at him.
He said,, the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days……. all my cows!
He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor’s cows!
He’s like a machine!
I don’t know what was in the pills the Vet gave him … but they kind of have a peppermint taste to them!

Is it safe for humans? Asking for a friend.

Ben

 

[havasu]

Blind Cashier At Bass Pro Shop
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A woman goes into the Bass Pro Shop to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro Shop associate is standing there wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00.

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. “Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted.

Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50.

She didn't say a thing.....just paid the bill !!

 

[dademoss]

 

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Chink!