Humour time

[Silent Earth]

So the conversation between our very own Maverick and his dear lady wife went thus:

"Dear," asked his wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why dear, I would be extremely upset," said Mav. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" perseveredhis wife.

"No, of course not, dear" said Mav.

"Don't you like being married?" asked his wife.

"Of course I do, dear" he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"All right," said Mav, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes," said Mav getting nervous.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" asked his wife.

After a long pause. "Well, yes, I suppose I would," replied Maverick frankly.

"I see," said his wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to," he responded.

"Really," said his icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too!?"

"Of course not, dear," said Maverick. "She's left-handed."

SILENCE from Mavs wife

.............. " Oh ****" cried Mav

 

[Maverick]

You know SE, We have had conversations like this lol

I've told her I'm too old to remarry but you aren't because you're still young, I'm going to pick your husband before I die, she did ask me what kind of husband I would pick for her, I said a Monk

 

[Brent S]

You know SE, We have had conversations like this lol

I've told her I'm too old to remarry but you aren't because you're still young, I'm going to pick your husband before I die, she did ask me what kind of husband I would pick for her, I said a Monk

A eunuch monk.....

 

[Maverick]

Lol, good one Brent... I had to look that one up, had no idea what a eunuch monk was.

 

[Brent S]

Lol, good one Brent... I had to look that one up, had no idea what a eunuch monk was.

I guess it was an oxymoron as if you’re a monk then you wouldn’t need to be a eunuch. I guess if you’re already a eunuch then becoming a monk would be easy though . I seem to remember an old Mel Brooks movie when they used an irresistible woman dancing woman to make certain the eunuchs guarding the kings harem were not sampling the goods. She got one guys feathers rising so to speak....

 

[Brent S]

https://giphy.com/gifs/mel-brooks-giant-9VmrYWqHbTwTm

 

[Brent S]

https://giphy.com/gifs/dancing-sexy-shocked-14pzjDPjZ8ajN6
Here’s what I was trying to find.

 

[Brent S]

Ok, I suck at this. I’m going to have to get Toexist to teach me this gif/video thing....

 

[toexist]

Ok, I suck at this. I’m going to have to get Toexist to teach me this gif/video thing....

 

[Silent Earth]

Lets sing Carols 2017 UK style, we will start with

1 Pack the Malls with blast proof windows tra la la la
2 On the First day of Christmas the SAS said to me ( Run and hide)
3 Merry Winterval Everyone
4 Rudolf the red nosed sniper has a very shiny scope
5 Santa Claus is Coming to town (in a tank)
6 Deck the Halls with blast proof netting
7 Ding Dong Ding Dong rang the alarm bells
8 As snipers watched the shops by night all seated on the ground.
9 The Holy and the Ivy and the running filled with fear
10 Driving home for Christmas (through roadblocks)
11 Joy to the world, all the boys and chattels
12 Hark the tracking radar sings
13 I saw three ships come sailing by (full of asylum seekers)
14 A boy was born in Bethlehem and turned up in Sangatte 20 years later
15 Its a Blue BlueChristmas ( cos of all the armed cops))

 

[jontte]

helluwa x-mas mate

 

[Silent Earth]

Christmas BRITAIN 2017 style.

Oh the pleasures of Christmas shopping in the UK, The flashing lights of police helicopters,, The glint of muggers knives, the concrete barriers, the intimate searches by security, the fear of seeing unattended back packs, the Police sniper watching you, the merry sound or sirens approaching, the guy eyeing up your twelve year old daughter, the friendly policeman shouting MOVE whilst trying to hide his gun, and of course the amazement of arriving alive and unharmed on the tube at Oxford street.

Yes Xmas must have pressies UK 2017 Knife proof school clothing for kids, GPS tracking for teenage daughter, Map of escape routes for all UK shopping centers, Pocket sized bullet and blast dressing, Security chain for mobile phone, List of Trauma depts , Glass breaker for escaping blown up buses and trains..

 

[Silent Earth]

helluwa x-mas mate

Bad news I am afraid in order to appease the Muslim Community in the UK Santa and his reindeer are now replaced by Alibaba and his seven Camels led by Rudolph the Red Nose Domidary and he is delivering explosive suicide vests for every child.

 

[Brent S]

View attachment 8077

You’re awesome! I did learn something today though. I updated this iPad and now it has the numbers and symbols above each key now. To get a number or symbol you just swipe downwards and no more shift key! I thought it was cool anyways....

 

[Brent S]

SE I’m just guessing you’re not really into the holiday spirit this year....

 

[Silent Earth]

SE I’m just guessing you’re not really into the holiday spirit this year....

Well Sir, when one reads how a local school has told the children not to exchange Christmas cards because a Muslim family has objected as Christmas is offensive to them I have little to celebrate, of finding out that KFC UK only use Halal chicken etc etc.

 

[jontte]

 

[Brent S]

Well Sir, when one reads how a local school has told the children not to exchange Christmas cards because a Muslim family has objected as Christmas is offensive to them I have little to celebrate, of finding out that KFC UK only use Halal chicken etc etc.

I think all the other kids and parents should lodge a formal complaint that they are offended by the actions and intolerance of the Muslim. And do it loudly. I say play their same game.

 

[Silent Earth]

These days I get a giggle when I hear our Irish cousins complaining about for example Oliver Cromwell invading Ireland, They appear to forget that going back as far as ROMAN times the Irish Celts were none stop raiding the West Coast of the UK, then a bit later they constantly sided with the Scots and Vatican in every attempt to invade and take control of the UK, they even sent mercenaries and an army to help the Scots when THEY tried to invade England, but when we lash out its the Brits who are the bad guys. Bloody Scandinavians are no better, raids, raping, looting, pillaging then visa applications to come and live here, Those bugger committed crimes against Humanity on Britain by dumping ABBA onto us, and again when the Royal Navy pops over to teach them to behave AGAIN its the Brits who are accused of aggression. Come on guys F*** me we only took a quarter of the planet we left the other 3/4 for you lot to have.

 

[Silent Earth]

I think all the other kids and parents should lodge a formal complaint that they are offended by the actions and intolerance of the Muslim. And do it loudly. I say play their same game.

AH but when whites do that they are immediately called Racists and Islamophobes by the left.

 

[Brent S]

Who cares what they call you. Make as much noise as they do.

 

[Brent S]

I don’t mind if they don’t want to eat pork or celebrate Christmas, but I’ll be damned if they are going to tell me I can’t. Just like a gay man having gay sex is ok by me, just not with me!

 

[Silent Earth]

I don’t mind if they don’t want to eat pork or celebrate Christmas, but I’ll be damned if they are going to tell me I can’t. Just like a gay man having gay sex is ok by me, just not with me!

Not in public anyway Brent told me in private when he invited me up to view his bottle top collection.

 

[Silent Earth]

Who cares what they call you. Make as much noise as they do.

My Rebel Yell doesnt sound quite right with an English accent....... Y'all old Bean

 

[jimLE]

1990, 106-year-old Armenian woman protecting her home.

 

[jimLE]

Who'd want to tape a duck?

 

[DrHenley]

I think you meant this: