jimLE mentioned Clowns....
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A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants.
During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them
indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden
in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out
and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream! The husband (who was taking a
shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the
problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the
behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and
fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up,
told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and
loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the
stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he
decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa
in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions,
where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and
fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to
use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so
she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake.
She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and
began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived.
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed
that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest
them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened
over a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and
his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.
One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table
fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it
started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who
startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an
oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked
police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who
called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they
were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the
overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the
telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the
house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the
house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a
new car, and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced
a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he
thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's why he left her.
During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them
indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden
in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out
and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream! The husband (who was taking a
shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the
problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.
He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the
behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and
fell over on the floor.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up,
told him to lie still and called an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and
loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the
Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the
stretcher.
That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she
called on a neighbor man.
He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he
decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa
in relief.
But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions,
where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and
fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.
The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to
use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the
grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and
slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned
goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where
it needed stitches.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her
neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so
she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake.
She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and
began pouring it down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived.
They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed
that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest
them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened
over a little green snake.
The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and
his sobbing wife.
The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa.
One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it.
He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table
fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it
started a fire in the drapes.
The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who
startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an
oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked
police car.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes were seen by the neighbors who
called the fire department.
The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they
were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the
overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the
telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the
house fire out).
Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the
house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a
new car, and all was right with their world.
A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced
a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he
thought they should bring in their plants for the night.
That's why he left her.
Good Grief !
Sounds like an Activation Alert of the National Guard,
OI VEY the stories I could tell
Sounds like an Activation Alert of the National Guard,
OI VEY the stories I could tell
The Last Word from Women
Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
Men are like fine wine...
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
