Jim
Jokes and Humor
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Jim
Jim
Ouch ... too true
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That and those starving children in China
I told my Dad "then send this to some kid in china" one time. Just one time.
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I tried that, too, a number of times. Mom hardly ever cooked, but when she did, I was supposed to eat it. She was a non spanker. I was a fast runner. In my room I went. I'd keep snacks in there.
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A man, 75-year-old Earl, walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist, an uptight lady, said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.
The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
“There’s something wrong with my johnson,” he replied. Several people turned their heads to look at him, surprised.
The receptionist, embarrassed at the situation, said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.”
“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” Earl said.
The receptionist replied, “Now you have caused needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man replied, “You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.” He then walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly. “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” Earl stated loudly.
The receptionist nodded approvingly, knowing he had taken her advice. “What is wrong with your ear, sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it,” he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.
Jim
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Actually I walked around the block...
Jim
Jim
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Jim
Jim
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A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee.
You got an Tennessee license?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee.
You got an Tennessee license?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert!!”
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