Jokes and Humor

Sentry18 · Oct 23, 2019

Sentry18 · Oct 23, 2019

phideaux · Oct 23, 2019

Jim

SheepDog · Oct 23, 2019

My dogs would have eaten both the leg and the shoe. It would have to be a nylon bone to last any time.

Amish Heart · Oct 23, 2019

Ha Ha. That horse and buggy picture was funny with the boat. My cousin David tows his with a tractor and brings it 10 miles to a lake to fish.

Weedygarden · Oct 23, 2019

A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet
potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam.

When it was time, they told her about the facts of life.

They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.

Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!

But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either.

She would get plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins.

When she went off to Europe, Mr. and Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .

And the greasy guys from France called the French Fries.

And when she went out West, to watch out for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped.

Yam said she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn't associate with those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks that say, 'Frito Lay.'

Mr. and Mrs. Potato sent Yam to Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ) so that when she graduated she'd really be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for her, one-day Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr. and Mrs. Potato were very upset.

They told Yam she couldn't possibly marry Tom Brokaw

Because he's just......

Are you ready for this?

Are you sure?
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OK!
Here it is!
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A COMMONTATER

backlash · Oct 23, 2019

Weedygarden · Oct 23, 2019

Peanut · Oct 23, 2019

phideaux said:
View attachment 27170

Just m

First up... joke aside, yesterday the nurse was smooth as silk with the needle, great.

Yesterday I had to get a steroid shot in my caboose.

I told the nurse "good thing I was getting it now, I'm white and only 60. In ten years I'll no longer have a butt for a shot."
She had to stop and laugh...

Later she was explaining a new prescription, something about a yeast in my stomach...

I asked her "can I get butter on those rolls?"
Again she had to stop and laugh...

For some reason she found my screwy humor funny yesterday. I always make my GP laugh, he's an old country boy like me... gets all my dumb jokes...

Sparky_D · Oct 24, 2019

Peanut said:
First up... joke aside, yesterday the nurse was smooth as silk with the needle, great.

Yesterday I had to get a steroid shot in my caboose.

I told the nurse "good thing I was getting it now, I'm white and only 60. In ten years I'll no longer have a butt for a shot."
She had to stop and laugh...

Later she was explaining a new prescription, something about a yeast in my stomach...

I asked her "can I get butter on those rolls?"
Again she had to stop and laugh...

For some reason she found my screwy humor funny yesterday. I always make my GP laugh, he's an old country boy like me... gets all my dumb jokes...

I always like messing with the nurses when I go see the doctor.

When they ask for my height, I say "I'm 5'-16" tall" (some of them actually have to think about that, lol).

When they want me to step on the scale, I say "Can't I just tell you? It's two........... much..."

When they check my blood pressure, I tell them "If it's too low, just top it off..."