Jokes and Humor

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[VThillman]

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'Maybe 2020 is God's gift. "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

 

[Curmudgeon]

"The other night I was invited out for a night with the “girls.” I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, “I promise!” Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)



The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him “MIDNIGHT”… he didn’t seem angry in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said “We need a new cuckoo clock.”



When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said “oh ****” Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

 

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[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

When you feel like you are being watched

 

[Cnsper]

When you feel like you are being watched


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Exactly why I am in the boat. Don't like the idea of being chum.

Same reason you don't go poke a hibernating bear. Just because you can, does not mean you should

 

[VThillman]

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I don't see correcting your wife's grammar as a 'really good idea', Mr. Meer.

 

[Meerkat]

Exactly why I am in the boat. Don't like the idea of being chum.

Same reason you don't go poke a hibernating bear. Just because you can, does not mean you should

More people get killed or maimed driving to th beach than bit by sharks. So maybe walk next time.

 

[Meerkat]

I don't see correcting your wife's grammar as a 'really good idea', Mr. Meer.

Maybe its you and Mr.Meers comprehension than my grammar.

 

[Cnsper]

More people get killed or maimed driving to th beach than bit by sharks. So maybe walk next time.

Driving is on my turf. Surfing is in theirs.

 

[Meerkat]

Driving is on my turf. Surfing is in theirs.

Driving is not in your control it is in mad maxes and its a mystery so you don't know till mad max strikes you.

 

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More people get killed or maimed driving to th beach than bit by sharks.

I'm guessing more men get killed by correcting their wife's grammar than driving or sharks.

 

[dademoss]

 

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Speaking of Facebook, this movie tells it like it is.
The Social Dilemma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11464826/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0
I think I saw it on Netflix.

Everything you do on social media is tracked and manipulated.

 

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I'll bet he pooped in his pants a little...

 

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