Jim
Jokes and Humor
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Jim
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- Joined
- Dec 10, 2017
- Messages
- 12,545
- Amateur Radio Call Sign
- KD8UTA
Jim
Jim
A blonde man is in the bathroom, and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo? " He answers, “Yes, but I'm not sure what to do.. it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine.”
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No! " he shouts, "this is her husband!"
A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "The rope should be around your neck," says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?” To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there? " The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two.
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the man replied: “Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”
A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart." "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No! " he shouts, "this is her husband!"
A blonde man is in jail, the guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. "Hanging myself," the blonde replies. "The rope should be around your neck," says the guard. "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats?” To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat.
A friend told the blonde man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blonde man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there? " The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two.
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." To which the man replied: “Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday!”
Jim
Jim
Jim
Jim
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2017
- Messages
- 8,806
Yes it is.
I found a way to deal with the "10 pound" spiders that my girl friend and her two kids were terrified by. I got prepared and one day I came home to the three of them telling me that there were two giant "10 pound" spiders in the bedroom. I took off my coat and hat and walked into the master bedroom and grabbed my 12 gauge pump shot gun. I walked into the other bedroom ahead of them and saw the "huge" spider on the wall. I stalked into a appropriate range, raise the shotgun to my shoulder, clicked the safety off and racked the slide to load the first round. I am sure they thought I was crazy but I pulled the trigger and the gun went off. The spider was plastered against the wall. (which was unhurt)
i then stalked the next spider that had moved to the bottom of the wall and handed the shotgun the kids mother. She sneaked up on it and fired the round smashing the spider. She started jumping around like she was covered with living spiders yelling, "get them off me!" The wad had bounced off the wall and brushed her hair. After I explained what she felt and she stopped screaming we had a good laugh about it. The two rounds had been loaded with a primer and a wad placed with the base facing out. There was no crimp so the wad was fired with just the force of the primer, but it did make a loud bang in a small room. After that I never heard of 10 pound spiders again.
We revisit that time when we are all together. She is my wife's best friend and we all get along well. I have "adopted" her two kids as my own and they both call me dad. Fun times!
i then stalked the next spider that had moved to the bottom of the wall and handed the shotgun the kids mother. She sneaked up on it and fired the round smashing the spider. She started jumping around like she was covered with living spiders yelling, "get them off me!" The wad had bounced off the wall and brushed her hair. After I explained what she felt and she stopped screaming we had a good laugh about it. The two rounds had been loaded with a primer and a wad placed with the base facing out. There was no crimp so the wad was fired with just the force of the primer, but it did make a loud bang in a small room. After that I never heard of 10 pound spiders again.
We revisit that time when we are all together. She is my wife's best friend and we all get along well. I have "adopted" her two kids as my own and they both call me dad. Fun times!
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2020
- Messages
- 7,461
I found a way to deal with the "10 pound" spiders that my girl friend and her two kids were terrified by. I got prepared and one day I came home to the three of them telling me that there were two giant "10 pound" spiders in the bedroom. I took off my coat and hat and walked into the master bedroom and grabbed my 12 gauge pump shot gun. I walked into the other bedroom ahead of them and saw the "huge" spider on the wall. I stalked into a appropriate range, raise the shotgun to my shoulder, clicked the safety off and racked the slide to load the first round. I am sure they thought I was crazy but I pulled the trigger and the gun went off. The spider was plastered against the wall. (which was unhurt)
i then stalked the next spider that had moved to the bottom of the wall and handed the shotgun the kids mother. She sneaked up on it and fired the round smashing the spider. She started jumping around like she was covered with living spiders yelling, "get them off me!" The wad had bounced off the wall and brushed her hair. After I explained what she felt and she stopped screaming we had a good laugh about it. The two rounds had been loaded with a primer and a wad placed with the base facing out. There was no crimp so the wad was fired with just the force of the primer, but it did make a loud bang in a small room. After that I never heard of 10 pound spiders again.
That's surely, a way to get her done. lol I might use the lead on a 10 lb spider though.
Congrats on the kids.
Jim
Jim
Jim
Jim
Jim
