Police Reports (funny, sad, or otherwise)

[Flight]

I'm sure you have been.

 

[backlash]

My nephew said anytime you really need help just call in and report a naked woman.
Every department from the police to the Coast Guard will respond.
That's what happened when a naked woman was reported on an island in the river.
There was even a helicopter showed up.

 

[Sentry18]

My nephew said anytime you really need help just call in and report a naked woman.
Every department from the police to the Coast Guard will respond.
That's what happened when a naked woman was reported on an island in the river.
There was even a helicopter showed up.

Every officer aged 21-24 maybe. Everyone else has done this long enough to know if she is running around naked, she is probably a nightmare in more ways than one.

 

[havasu]

Buy, you ain't kidding. Once had a call of a naked girl acting strange on a street. The sarge and I responded and it was a knock down drag out fight. Them sweaty gals are hard to grab onto.

 

[Sentry18]

These cases irk me.

Teenage female sees a teenage male at a party. Female goes over to male and flirts with him in front of a group of people. Female then propositions male right then and there. The group urges him on and he escorts her to a bedroom. She undresses. He undresses. She climbs on top and engages in coitus. She climbs off and lays down asking him to get on top. He does and engages her in coitus. She suddenly stops and starts screaming "STOP! STOP!". He immediately stops. She gets up, gets dressed, and runs out of the house. She walks straight to the hospital emergency room and says "I was raped". Sexual assault nurse collects her kits, calls in a rape advocate, and calls the police. Rape advocate is convinced she was raped and files for an emergency protection order. She also wants the male arrested immediately. Police interview the female who says she withdrew consent but he then "pumped 2-3 more times", interview the male who was very confused, interview the group who were very confused, collect statements, collect evidence, interview the female's roommate who said "she said she was going out to get laid", and determine that this does not seem like a rape at all. Reports are written, no one is arrested, and the case is sent to the prosecutors office for review. Now the local feminists groups are calling for the males head and demanding he be arrested. They are also calling every politician in the state denouncing law enforcement's refusal to "do their job". Ugh.

 

[Sentry18]

And now if that was not messed up enough. The father of the female has now filed a lawsuit against the college she attends for "failing to protect her" because they did not stop her from finding someone who would purchase alcohol for her, allowing her to become semi-inebriated, which resulted in her promiscuous behavior, which resulted in her being "raped". So now it's the college's fault. Which is still better IMO than it being the police department's fault.

 

[Sentry18]

This morning a man woke up and decided today was going to be his last day on Earth. He did not want anyone to have to clean up the mess so he grabbed his gun, drove out to the warehouse district, parked his car, and walked to the edge of an old gravel lot. He was just about to pull the trigger when his cell phone rang. It was his insurance agent who wanted to talk about his policy and how he could save him some money. The man made some reference about how it wasn't going to matter anymore. The insurance agent sensed something was wrong and kept the guy on the phone, eventually he signaled his secretary who called 911. We pinged his phone and had officers respond. He was still on the phone when they found him. The man surrendered his gun and voluntarily committed himself to a mental health center for 72 hours. Turns out the insurance agent was going to wait and call him the next day, but then decided he had time and would just reach out that moment.

 

[Weedygarden]

And now if that was not messed up enough. The father of the female has now filed a lawsuit against the college she attends for "failing to protect her" because they did not stop her from finding someone who would purchase alcohol for her, allowing her to become semi-inebriated, which resulted in her promiscuous behavior, which resulted in her being "raped". So now it's the college's fault. Which is still better IMO than it being the police department's fault.

Some people support themselves on lawsuits. I have a relative who is one of them.

 

[Weedygarden]

This morning a man woke up and decided today was going to be his last day on Earth. He did not want anyone to have to clean up the mess so he grabbed his gun, drove out to the warehouse district, parked his car, and walked to the edge of an old gravel lot. He was just about to pull the trigger when his cell phone rang. It was his insurance agent who wanted to talk about his policy and how he could save him some money. The man made some reference about how it wasn't going to matter anymore. The insurance agent sensed something was wrong and kept the guy on the phone, eventually he signaled his secretary who called 911. We pinged his phone and had officers respond. He was still on the phone when they found him. The man surrendered his gun and voluntarily committed himself to a mental health center for 72 hours. Turns out the insurance agent was going to wait and call him the next day, but then decided he had time and would just reach out that moment.

It was not his time.

 

[Sentry18]

Officer stops car. Walks up to driver. Say "I am officer...". Driver hands out a 2oz bag of weed and his license and says "It's okay, I'm from Colorado". We found a lot more in the car. Eventually the driver was arrested for DUI, possession with internet to distribute, and a whole pile of other charges. He complained all the way to jail that he had civil rights "You can't use anything I said or gave you against me! It's in the Amanda Warnings!" Once booked into detention he was also surprised to find out he was not in the state he thought he was in.

 

[Caribou]

In the immortal words of Forest Gump, "Stupid is as stupid does."

 

[Peanut]

And now if that was not messed up enough. The father of the female has now filed a lawsuit against the college she attends for "failing to protect her" ...

I once spent a 3-day weekend on the 5th floor of an all girls dormitory. Who would he have sued then? Funny part, I wasn't the only guy on the floor that holiday. The ladies coordinated our trips to the bathroom/showers. The call would go out... "Men in the showers!"

 

[Sentry18]

Yesterday we had a call where a man standing on a garage was being pelted with beer cans by a drunken group of people. Cops arrived, dispersed the group, and got the male down. He was mad because if he lasted another 5 minutes he was gonna win $50. When asked who bet him $50 he couldn't stay up there for 20 minutes, he looked puzzled and said he couldn't remember.

Then we had a trio of large chested 20-something females complain that they were "flashing" men from their balcony as they walked by and one of them had the audacity to snap a picture. They wanted us to find the male (without a name or description) and make him delete the pictures or pay them royalties. The officer asked how he was supposed to identify the male and one of the women said "Duh! He will be the one with a picture of my boobs!".

At a DUI checkpoint we arrested a county commissioner who was .185 BAC and performed horribly on the field sobriety tests. He was so drunk he did not realize my officers were not deputies. He kept saying "Deputy, don't now who I am! I am going to have your badge!" The officer kept saying he was not a deputy but the commissioner thought he was trying to trick him.

I could go on, but the lesson is clear: Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.

 

[backlash]

Back in the early 70s, some Navy guys knew better than to keep their pot in their rooms on base. So they put their stash in the ceiling above the doors just outside their rooms.
The problem was they wound up smoking each other's pot. So they wrote their names on the bag.
That had to be the easiest bust the Base Police ever made.
Same time period only on an Aircraft Carrier. Drug overdoses were a problem. To help stop the ODs the navy would analyze your dope for you.
You put a small sample in an envelope, write a code on it and dropped the sample in a mail slot by the chow hall.
A few days later you would just read the list, look for your code and see what you had. Lots of very pure heroin after we left Hong Kong.
OD's did go down but people figured out there were a lot of drugs aboard and the Navy started really cracking down.
Strip searches when you came back from liberty were not uncommon.

 

[Peanut]

It’s been so long I don’t remember all the details… but I worked for a ship company, 100 ton (classification). We were leased to an offshore oil drilling company, we hauled supplies to drill rigs. Occasionally the oil company who leased us would hire a drug dog company to search the ships at the company dock. Every boat had the same tradition. When someone came aboard with pot, a pinch or two of their stash went in a 1/2 gallon jug filled with water.

When drug dogs showed up (we always knew in advance) the jug of water/pot was poured in a mop bucket, water was added. Every internal deck in the ship was then mopped, including the engineering spaces. The drug dog would alert continually because the scent of marijuana was “Everywhere!”. The real stash of personal use amounts would be in a watertight jug somewhere in the bilge (covered with waste oil/fuel).

I always felt bad for the dogs, they’d be nervous wrecks by the time they left. No one got caught that I was aware. The guys who didn't smoke pot wasn't going to rat out the guys who did.

 

[Sentry18]

Internal Affairs sent a young woman up to meet with me this morning. She was pulled over and cited for a traffic violation and felt the officer was hyper-aggressive and rude. She was apparently also displeased by IA's handling of her complaint and demanded to talk to their boss. She was escorted into my office and I could feel that my secretary was trying to not laugh. To start this person was a very attractive young woman. I think it's fair to say unusually attractive. She was also dressed the way I presume unusually attractive young women dress. Then she opened her mouth and I knew why my secretary had the internal giggles. With her high pitched cutsie doll voice she said "Your police people made me uncomfortable, and I want to be comfortable, because no one wants to be uncomfortable, which is how they made me feel". After some eye rolling conversation, we watched the body-cam video together. Half way through she said "Please pause. I don't understand? The video officer is not making me feel the same way the real-life officer made feel?" We talked about perspective and emotional responses for a bit and then she said "I guess it is possible that the officer wasn't being a ****ing ***hole after all. But if people act like d***s then someone has to tell on them". She then advised me that she doesn't like "mean people" and that when she starts teaching she will be having a "be nice" policy in her classroom. Apparently she is in her 5th year of college and will be graduating this winter with a teaching degree. I hope she relocates to a coastal state.

 

[Sentry18]

I really should update this more. Not a week (or sometimes day) goes by that I could not add to this thread.


A few highlights from this week outside of the normal domestics, drug abuse, alcoholic, theft related stuff:

- Saudi woman called because the NSA was using her cable box to control her mind (i.e. Al Jazera was buffering).

- Indian woman called because she was convinced someone was breaking into her apartment and peeing in her toilet because her bathroom smells like urine.

- Man called VERY upset because he was stuck in the snow on "that one road that didn't get plowed". Road turned out to be a vacant lot and not a road at all.

- Woman called because her roommate moved out without telling her (roommate was not on the lease) and she wanted her arrested and brought back.

- Indian woman called because every time she rides the bus the same man is also on the bus, which of course means he is stalking her. Oh and they both work at the same business and have the same work schedule. He didn't even know who she was.

- Man reported that he gave out his name, dob, social security number, and mom's maiden name over the phone to an "IRS Agent". Also gave out his wife's info and his kid's info because he "was given no choice".

- Man smashed into a snowplow driving down a highway during a no travel advised warning because it was snowy outside. Demanded the snowplow driver be charged.

- Man left ER after experiencing chest pains and decided to shovel his driveway. Had a heart attack. Was baffled how this could have happened to him.

- Woman called to report her neighbor for letting his car 'warm up' for almost 20 minutes every morning. Wanted him arrested for carbon emissions and wasting gas.

[And, my favorite]

- Woman came in to have her boyfriend arrested for rape because she found out she was pregnant and she did not consent to him impregnating her, only the sex part.

 

[Terri9630]

- Woman came in to have her boyfriend arrested for rape because she found out she was pregnant and she did not consent to him impregnating her, only the sex part.

Oh My GOODNESS!!!

 

[Cnsper]

- Woman came in to have her boyfriend arrested for rape because she found out she was pregnant and she did not consent to him impregnating her, only the sex part.

Please don't make this the beginning of another blonde joke

 

[Sentry18]

Time to bump this. I think the next few weeks are going to be fun.


Last night, 9:30pm, 911 call because angry females age 20-22 upset there were no frozen pizzas at Walmart.

Last night, 10:15pm, arrested 3 masked men with a loaded shotgun and blood alcohol over the legal limit who were reportedly "patrolling their neighborhood to make sure no looters came around".

This morning, 1:00am, arrested a woman for prostitution who was offering sex in exchange for food and supplies outside a grocery store.

This morning, 1:45am, arrested a man and a woman for domestic violence "because they are not used to spending this much time together and things got heated".

This morning, 2:10am, several teenagers arrested for smoking marijuana in the food section of a gas station. They told the officers that "they heard we weren't arresting people because of COVID-19".

This morning, 3:05am, man arrested trying to break into storage garages because he heard that some local stores kept their overstock in them.


And that was just a sample if items from the police log.

 

[Curmudgeon]

Last night, 10:15pm, arrested 3 masked men with a loaded shotgun and blood alcohol over the legal limit who were reportedly "patrolling their neighborhood to make sure no looters came around".

 

[Sentry18]

Got to arrest someone this morning. Which is not that big of deal except I just got a call that he was arrested again about an hour ago.

Got a call when I was on patrol (just outside city limits, but no Deputy was available) that a young red headed Russian woman was being harassed by a Middle Eastern man who lives across the hall from her. I spoke with her and found out that he sends her dozens of emails a day, dozens of text messages a day, calls her several times a day, and on top of all that knocks on her door several times. Plus she had dozens of notes that he has left on her car. She never responds to him, doesn't answer the door, and has to be very sneaky when she comes and goes from the apartment. The straw that broke the camel's back (pun intended) was that he found out where she worked and started calling/emailing her there too. This is not entirely a love interest either, he has decided since she is a lowly woman he should be in charge of her and every aspect of her life.

I collected her statement and the evidence of the harassment then knocked on his door. He essentially confessed to all of it and said she was a woman and so he was the boss of her. I told him she would be filing for a temporary order of protection as I filed charges on complaint for harassment (thanks to the detention center not taking people for non-violent misdemeanors), but until then I was giving him a no contact order. I made it very clear; NO CONTACT from that second forward. He immediately walked out of his apartment and crossed the hallway to knock on her door, apparently he was going to set her straight. I am not sure he knew what had happened until I was double locking the handcuffs. Off to jail. He was held until the temporary order of protection was signed by a judge and he was able to bond out. That was around 2:00 this afternoon.

2:30 he shows up at the woman's place of work so he could set her straight. She was there with only a few other people because most are working from home. The building has no security. He began to berate and chastise her in front of her coworkers as he demanded she call the police and tell them to drop the charges and remove the protection order. She worked in town so the city PD goes over, find out about the protection order, and is arrested for disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, and protection order violation. Judge was NOT pleased. He is being held without bail/bond until at least Monday and the temporary order of protection is now permanent. Hopefully the shelter can help her get set up in a new apartment over the weekend. Rest assured I will be wherever she is when he gets out of jail the next time.

 

[Bacpacker]

He needs a beat down in the worst way. The shipped back to whatever ******** he came from. If hes a US citizen he needs a long time behind bars with bubba for a roommate.

 

[backlash]

I remember when this kind of behavior would get the guy a visit by several friends or relatives and he would be persuaded to stop. My Dad had a serious heart to heart talk with a guy that was pestering my Mom. I believe Dad reminded him every time he saw him. That guy figured it out and after he healed up he moved out of state.

 

[joel]

So I am reviving this thread to offer up some basic stories from the world of law enforcement. They may be funny, they may be sad, but they are all true. Feel free to join in!

Dumbest report from this past weekend:

Woman is engaged to man #1, secretly seeing man #2, and had one night stand with man #3. She finds out she is pregnant and decides to tell each of the men that the baby is theirs. Her hope was that one of them would be all excited and then she would know which man loved her the most. Unfortunately 2 of the 3 men decided to post about it on social media and they have friends in common. So the next thing you know #1 and #2 start having a social media fight, which turns into a real world fight, which turns into a 911 call. Meanwhile #3 finds out that he might and might not be the father so he takes off. Quit his job, packs his stuff, loads his car, and disappears. He was not taking any chances of getting stuck with the baby or it's mother. So #1 and #2 are in jail and both decide that the woman is not worth this and both send word that they are done for. Woman is now man-less and decides to report that she will kill herself if man #1 or man #2 doesn't take her back. This results in her being put on a 72 hour mental hold where they run another pregnancy test, at her request, only to find out she is not really pregnant after all. When asked why she thought she was pregnant in the first place she said "just felt like it". So now she is demanding to be released but she was living with man #1 and getting money from man #1 & #2. So she was released and demanded to be let into man #1's apartment, but he request was denied. Instead she was escorted to a homeless shelter where she was "going to get a hold of a lawyer to sue" man #1, #2, and #3.

You can't make this crap up.

This why I have been married for 35 year, 10 months, 7 days. These storys make me happy to be married, all the other benifits are just cream.

 

[Sentry18]

This whole case was the perfect example of the volatility of mixing very different cultural beliefs. Neither of them have been in this country for longer than a few years but only one of them had any desire to adapt to the American way of life. The Middle Eastern man is reportedly a mathematics prodigy who is working for a university. But culturally he is a backwards ass hat who obviously cannot figure out that his neighbor is not his personal property. I am sure his time in detention is going to provide ample opportunities for him to experience first hand what it is like to be mistreated by others.

 

[Weedygarden]

This whole case was the perfect example of the volatility of mixing very different cultural beliefs.

In my experiences, this is so true. "Eeeen my countrrry..." In your country? If that is how you want life to be, go back, now!

How many times have we all heard, "In my country..." Why are they here? Because of the freedom, prosperity, and opportunities that we have in our country that they will never have in theirs. They want the parts that they want, and for us to change the rest. When I was going to school in Washington, DC, a muslim roommate from Morocco said we have too much freedom in America. There are many places and things a woman is not allowed to do in Morocco, that women do in America. It galls them to see women with so much freedom.

 

[Sentry18]

Last night I got a call from a guy I know who relocated here when he retired (from Pittsburgh PD) around 10 years ago. He lives in an RV when there is snow on the ground (or the possibility of snow). He still owns a house here in an okay lower-middle class area and converted half of his basement into an apartment. He takes on a renter every years to live in the house for cheap ($250 a month) just to keep an eye on things, shovel the driveway, keep burglars away, and so on. Well this year he hired a young woman who works at a nearby fast food restaurant. As he was running out of time to get on his way, he selected her with seemingly insufficient vetting and now he is paying the price. He got a call in Arizona that multiple checks have come through on his (and his wife's) account and the bank wanted to make sure he was back. He isn't. He took on the investigation remotely and figured out that his renter started slowly cashing checks, then went to a flurry of check cashing places. She even bought a cheap used car with a check. He asked me to swing by his house this morning and check on things. No one was at the house, but low and behold the car in question was sitting in the garage. But his wife's car, that was supposed in the garage, was not there. The door to the basement was hanging open and the place wrecked. The door into the main house looked like it had been cut open with hand tools. I just stopped, backed out, and called the city PD's burglary investigators. There are a lot of lessons to be learned here. Lessons you would think a retired LEO would already have learned.

 

[Sentry18]

This morning we got a call to assist the Sheriff's Office with a dead body found in a house that was supposed to be unoccupied. My officers arrived, put on their gloves and masks, and began to assess the situation. As the man was clearly dead and was not going to be resuscitated, they called in the coroner and the S.O. investigators. After taking a ton of photos and identifying the man, they eventually assisted in turning over the body. The dead male had a thermometer in his mouth and blood coming out of his nose. The coroner then determined that the man had gone into a free clinic and reported having flu like symptoms on Friday. So now I have 2 officers in quarantine until the DB comes back as positive/negative for COVID-19.

 

[Sentry18]

This morning we got a call to assist the Sheriff's Office with a dead body found in a house that was supposed to be unoccupied. My officers arrived, put on their gloves and masks, and began to assess the situation. As the man was clearly dead and was not going to be resuscitated, they called in the coroner and the S.O. investigators. After taking a ton of photos and identifying the man, they eventually assisted in turning over the body. The dead male had a thermometer in his mouth and blood coming out of his nose. The coroner then determined that the man had gone into a free clinic and reported having flu like symptoms on Friday. So now I have 2 officers in quarantine until the DB comes back as positive/negative for COVID-19.

Good news. He did have the flu, but the cause of death was a heart attack. Negative for the China virus.