Reasonable Rent for Kids - Am I off base here?

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Gazrok

Gazrok

Awesome Friend
Neighbor
Joined
Aug 15, 2013
Messages
7,491
Location
Florida
Personally, I think the kid's got it made, but he seems to feel I'm asking too much.

He pays us $400 a month.

For that, he gets:

His own room
Cable TV (including Showtime and HBO)
WiFi Access
Cell Phone with data plan
Meals
Use of an X-Box 360 in his room
Can come and go as he pleases

At the house, he could always: shoot some pool on the pool table, ride a horse, play other game systems, watch movies (we have a pretty big collection), or even use the Chromecast to watch web stuff on the big 60" TV. (and he gets his laundry done for him)

All he has to do in addition is take out the garbage and keep the bird cage clean.

Anybody else think he has a raw deal?

(should mention, he has free reign on room decor too. We even painted the walls black for him).
 
Daughter pays a bit less, but she's in what used to be the wife's scrap room, so she can't do decor changes and has to put up with all of her scrap stuff still being in the room. Otherwise, she has all the same amenities, but a smaller bed. (hers is twin, his is a queen size).
 
Gazrok said:
Personally, I think the kid's got it made, but he seems to feel I'm asking too much.

He pays us $400 a month.

For that, he gets:

His own room
Cable TV (including Showtime and HBO)
WiFi Access
Cell Phone with data plan
Meals
Use of an X-Box 360 in his room
Can come and go as he pleases

At the house, he could always: shoot some pool on the pool table, ride a horse, play other game systems, watch movies (we have a pretty big collection), or even use the Chromecast to watch web stuff on the big 60" TV. (and he gets his laundry done for him)

All he has to do in addition is take out the garbage and keep the bird cage clean.

Anybody else think he has a raw deal?

(should mention, he has free reign on room decor too. We even painted the walls black for him).
Click to expand...
Didn't you say he had been out on his own for a while? Just remind him how much it cost then, and remind he is free to go anytime.
 
Didn't you say he had been out on his own for a while? Just remind him how much it cost then, and remind he is free to go anytime.
Click to expand...

No, that was the step-daughter. She realizes it, but still thinks she's paying too much, but she's comparing it to when she lived in a Salvation Army shelter (she had cut contact from the family, so nobody knew where she was until she reached out).

Thing is, her being there (and her rate) were as a result of a program she was in. She realizes now (we had a talk yesterday), that without that, if she had to go tomorrow and get a place, there's simply no way she'd afford it (even with a roommate).

The boy has never been on his own, so has no idea. It's funny, because sometimes he "threatens" to move out. I keep telling him, "This isn't a prison. You're free to go at anytime dude. We enjoy having you back in our lives (despite all his crap), but I WANT you to have the experience of living on your own. I WANT you to have to have mature responsibility. You can't threaten me with things I WANT....! LOL"

They think I'll miss their rent. Their rent covers the food they eat and their phone, plus about $150 (which if you factor us going out to eat, and the non-food items we buy for them, accounts for this difference) . I'll pretty much break even on the financial side. What I would miss, is their company.

They feel they'd have more freedom on their own. I guess I can see that somewhat, but really, there are no curfews. They can even have their boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever, sleep over if they want, as long as we know in advance. (they are adults). (We're pretty much an hour away from where any other friends live, so saves them a long drive home)... Mornings after, (weekends), I even typically get up and make a big breakfast for everyone (eggs, bacon, toast, cinnamon rolls, etc.). Well, as one said, they'll see it when they get older....

Thanks for listening to me vent.... :D
 
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mom pays $250 in rent.pluss water electric phone tv internet..we both buy groceries. etc etc etc.i dont pay rent.but i do earn my keep here.i do at least 99% of the house work.i do the yard work.routine maintenance on the vehicle..small house and plumbing repairs.and to top it off.i help out with the rest the property when my help is needed as well..

brent..i think if you and your wife simply stop doing for them for 1 week..that might get the point across,to what you been telling them and all
 
Gazrok said:
No, that was the step-daughter. She realizes it, but still thinks she's paying too much, but she's comparing it to when she lived in a Salvation Army shelter (she had cut contact from the family, so nobody knew where she was until she reached out).

Thing is, her being there (and her rate) were as a result of a program she was in. She realizes now (we had a talk yesterday), that without that, if she had to go tomorrow and get a place, there's simply no way she'd afford it (even with a roommate).

The boy has never been on his own, so has no idea. It's funny, because sometimes he "threatens" to move out. I keep telling him, "This isn't a prison. You're free to go at anytime dude. We enjoy having you back in our lives (despite all his crap), but I WANT you to have the experience of living on your own. I WANT you to have to have mature responsibility. You can't threaten me with things I WANT....! LOL"

They think I'll miss their rent. Their rent covers the food they eat and their phone, plus about $150 (which if you factor us going out to eat, and the non-food items we buy for them, accounts for this difference) . I'll pretty much break even on the financial side. What I would miss, is their company.

They feel they'd have more freedom on their own. I guess I can see that somewhat, but really, there are no curfews. They can even have their boyfriend/girlfriend, whatever, sleep over if they want, as long as we know in advance. (they are adults). (We're pretty much an hour away from where any other friends live, so saves them a long drive home)... Mornings after, (weekends), I even typically get up and make a big breakfast for everyone (eggs, bacon, toast, cinnamon rolls, etc.). Well, as one said, they'll see it when they get older....

Thanks for listening to me vent.... :D
Click to expand...
I saw my son, whom is naturally not a go getter, kind of settling into a lazy routine after high school. I told him he had to either go to college or at least tech school to be able to stay here. He couldn't pick anything so I finally picked for him, and he went to two years of school to be an electrician. He really wasn't thrilled about it, but did finish, and now recently just got his license here in Ga. He's still working for a large company, but plans to start his own one day. The point here is I told him I wanted him to be able to support himself, and to make enough to live without having to share a place with four friends. Without a plan, or goal, then you're planning to stay on my couch for life, and I didn't like that plan! So my first rule was he needed to be working towards being self supporting, with a real and verifiable path, like a program in school or an apprenticeship, etc. My next rule was he needed to do chores while he was living here an an adult for free. As soon as he started working as a helper for a small electrician, he started paying 'rent', which didn't come close to his expenses, but was some semblance of responsibility. I love all my kids, but my main goal in life was to get them self sustaining, and letting them take it easy while living with me wasn't going to help with that. I would ask him straight out what his goals are, and how he plans to make them a reality. Flipping burgers is a fine career while your working on something better, but I don't see it as something you should allow him to do long term while living on you're couch. (Metaphorically). Figuring out how to motivate someone can be tough sometimes.
 
Gazrok said:
Personally, I think the kid's got it made, but he seems to feel I'm asking too much.

He pays us $400 a month.

For that, he gets:

His own room
Cable TV (including Showtime and HBO)
WiFi Access
Cell Phone with data plan
Meals
Use of an X-Box 360 in his room
Can come and go as he pleases

At the house, he could always: shoot some pool on the pool table, ride a horse, play other game systems, watch movies (we have a pretty big collection), or even use the Chromecast to watch web stuff on the big 60" TV. (and he gets his laundry done for him)

All he has to do in addition is take out the garbage and keep the bird cage clean.

Anybody else think he has a raw deal?

(should mention, he has free reign on room decor too. We even painted the walls black for him).
Click to expand...
He/they are on easy street! wait until they get out in to the real world and have to pay for ALL of those items separately!
I wish all I had to do was take out the trash!

I know kick him out, and i'll pay you $500.00!
or better yet, I will send my kids over, pay you $500 per kid, and I will finally have peace and quiet (if the wife objects I will send her too)!
 
Clyde said:
He/they are on easy street! wait until they get out in to the real world and have to pay for ALL of those items separately!
I wish all I had to do was take out the trash!

I know kick him out, and i'll pay you $500.00!
or better yet, I will send my kids over, pay you $500 per kid, and I will finally have peace and quiet (if the wife objects I will send her too)!
Click to expand...
I love it Clyde!!!
 
that's a very sweet deal my friend,as my oldest son is about to move in with me,he will pay 1/2 the rent plus chip in with food...he kinda found out it isn't so easy after all to pay for every thing alone..+ he had a lady friend which he found out to be quite high in "maintenance cost", one of those pretty-princess types...kids should appreciate that parents help them with this type of help,sometimes it takes awhile before they understand it.
 
$400 is a great deal. Young folks have a "Different" idea of what a good deal is. Realistically, you could find any one of 10,000,000 adults who would jump all over that deal. I'm not sure how much different it is than what your daughter pays, but that may play into it if she's only paying $250. As long as they're actually close, I think there should be no reason for ruckus. My 2¢....
 
Gazrok said:
Personally, I think the kid's got it made, but he seems to feel I'm asking too much.

He pays us $400 a month.

For that, he gets:

His own room
Cable TV (including Showtime and HBO)
WiFi Access
Cell Phone with data plan
Meals
Use of an X-Box 360 in his room
Can come and go as he pleases

At the house, he could always: shoot some pool on the pool table, ride a horse, play other game systems, watch movies (we have a pretty big collection), or even use the Chromecast to watch web stuff on the big 60" TV. (and he gets his laundry done for him)

All he has to do in addition is take out the garbage and keep the bird cage clean.

Anybody else think he has a raw deal?

(should mention, he has free reign on room decor too. We even painted the walls black for him).
Click to expand...
In all seriousness though, All of the kids know they have a few options because I am not running a flop house, and the wife and I have travel plans!
1. College (You can then stay here for a minimal fee)
2. Military (Active Duty, weekend warrior doesn't cut it)
3. Get yourself a full time job and move out on your own
 
Additional complication though. Due to a whole lot of crap that isn't worth getting into...they mostly grew up away from their mom. So, we basically just got to know them as emerging adults (having no other place to go).

Given all she's missed out on, she isn't exactly going to be onboard with kicking either of them out, unless some real major crap happens. She has certainly been close a couple of times though...especially with the boy. I figure he's got about one major strike left, before it's just too much for her even. He's already struck out with me as far as I'm concerned.

So, with the "get the hell out" card out of my hands, my hands are pretty much tied, and my options extremely limited. I do love the kid as if he were my own, but I think the ONLY way he'll learn to appreciate what folks do for him, is to have to try on his own (and fail) first.
 
Gazrok said:
Additional complication though. Due to a whole lot of crap that isn't worth getting into...they mostly grew up away from their mom. So, we basically just got to know them as emerging adults (having no other place to go).

Given all she's missed out on, she isn't exactly going to be onboard with kicking either of them out, unless some real major crap happens. She has certainly been close a couple of times though...especially with the boy. I figure he's got about one major strike left, before it's just too much for her even. He's already struck out with me as far as I'm concerned.

So, with the "get the hell out" card out of my hands, my hands are pretty much tied, and my options extremely limited. I do love the kid as if he were my own, but I think the ONLY way he'll learn to appreciate what folks do for him, is to have to try on his own (and fail) first.
Click to expand...
Sorry you're going thru this dude. The best I can say is hang in there, in time they will either grow up or move out. Just remember you're putting up with this temporarily, for your wife. Now with that in mind, there's no reason you can't set some ground rules for behavior while they are living in your house.
 
Now with that in mind, there's no reason you can't set some ground rules for behavior while they are living in your house.
Click to expand...

I do, I'm just limited in my consequences that work. So far, shutting of the cell phone and locking the XBoxes with a code are about the most effective (or changing the wifi password). Without consequences, rules don't have any bite.

Both kids do want to move out though....they hate living in the country. They like the city (mostly because they don't drive, so can't go anywhere. In a city, they can take a bus or taxi). But, I don't see them taking any concrete steps to do so. The boy makes enough to save up, but he doesn't, he blows his money on useless junk. The girl is much more responsible generally, but she doesn't get enough hours or pay to do much more than rent.

I think I finally got him to realize the other day, how he's blown a lot of money. But, who knows how long the lesson will hold?

For the girl, she's looking at getting either an additional job, or a better one with more hours.

As with most things, time will tell. Eventually, I'm hoping the things they don't like about the country life will eventually motivate them to actually move on this. I love having them more in our lives, but I want them to be happy and independent too. Even if they move out, and move back, at least then it will be with more appreciation for what we're doing for them.
 
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