Couples you never thought would split

[backlash]

When my daughter got married I had a little chat with the worthless bum she married. I told him if he ever mistreated her I would find him and it would not end well for him. He was afraid of me and he knew I was serious. I did my best to talk her out of marrying him but she thought she was in love. She worked and he sat home smoking dope. She threw him out after a couple of years.

My advice to you is to look out for yourself he sounds like he can be violent and don't give in to his demands.

 

[Meerkat]

Thanks Phideaux

I spent the first 19 years of my life being stabbed with nail files, shot at, held down to be force fed alchohol and even had my foot nailed to the floor with an 8" spike. I simply have no working compass when it comes to the human race. This site has been my only window. It is because people here are nice to one another. I guess it let's me pretend for while.

I will be going back into the hills for the duration. No more real life people. Me and a dog. I couldn't take another round.

Klem the whisky,naail files and 8"spike wasn't done by him was it?

 

[ClemKadiddlehopper]

No. All that stuff was when I was a kid. My dad did the alchohol thing. I was around 8 -10 and the only one in the family not partying. I was a little slow gauging the situation that time. Got plenty of fat lips by every one in the family for being different.

I usually had my escape routes planned out, but sometimes they caught me. I am not sure who it was that nailed my foot to the floor so I couldn't do a runner. When they all went off to do what ever, I was able to use the hammer they left on the floor to get my foot loose.

My oldest brother, 5 yrs older, was a mental case as well. He was the one doing the shooting. This was inside the house and thank God for large log support posts. He used to go after another brother with the axe. One time was a narrow miss. We were outside when he went nuts and I was able to rope him and tie him to a tree while he was focused on my other brother.

Both my dad and brother were good at stabbing to see how loud I could squeal. I learned not to.

My hubby isn't violent. He was the one who stood up to my dad the very last time I was ever punched; that is what hurts about his comments. He knows what I went through and that my family used to say those very same things.

I fail to understand the need to grind me under a boot heel. Just leave civilly and cuss me behind my back for my wrong doings. I don't want anything. He will give me half the farm. I don't want it. The price is too high. I will give him his freedom and never feel guilty for my existence again. I will never subject another living soul to my horrible presence for more then the time it takes to pay for my purchases.

 

[Amish Heart]

So sorry, Clem, for what you are going through. From what you post, I think of you as an independent and smart lady. That being said, I'd get all that you can from the divorce, and go live a different life. One that you want. My heart goes out to you. Spouses need to be kind and loving. One of our daughters is going through a heartbreaking mess right now. Her boyfriend beat the snot out of her, tried to kill her. She left and went to see her BFF another state away, went to the hospital there, then came back and told us two weeks later. Went to our local hospital, had CT scans done. Has neck damage, is in pain, another appt tomorrow, and then "phone court" with the detective's findings on Friday. All we could do to keep from shooting him. This daughter has had 2 other serious boyfriends that were both dangerous psychos. to convince her to change scenery and come out to the farm for awhile after this is over, but doubt she will. I hope this man goes to jail. I hope the judge does something and it screws up the work clearance he is currently trying to get from the DOD. There are serious bad people in this world.

 

[Meerkat]

No. All that stuff was when I was a kid. My dad did the alchohol thing. I was around 8 -10 and the only one in the family not partying. I was a little slow gauging the situation that time. Got plenty of fat lips by every one in the family for being different.

I usually had my escape routes planned out, but sometimes they caught me. I am not sure who it was that nailed my foot to the floor so I couldn't do a runner. When they all went off to do what ever, I was able to use the hammer they left on the floor to get my foot loose.

My oldest brother, 5 yrs older, was a mental case as well. He was the one doing the shooting. This was inside the house and thank God for large log support posts. He used to go after another brother with the axe. One time was a narrow miss. We were outside when he went nuts and I was able to rope him and tie him to a tree while he was focused on my other brother.

Both my dad and brother were good at stabbing to see how loud I could squeal. I learned not to.

My hubby isn't violent. He was the one who stood up to my dad the very last time I was ever punched; that is what hurts about his comments. He knows what I went through and that my family used to say those very same things.

I fail to understand the need to grind me under a boot heel. Just leave civilly and cuss me behind my back for my wrong doings. I don't want anything. He will give me half the farm. I don't want it. The price is too high. I will give him his freedom and never feel guilty for my existence again. I will never subject another living soul to my horrible presence for more then the time it takes to pay for my purchases.

Just wanted to be sure I understood it wasn't your hubby. I really hope and pray you make the right decision and have a more content life Klem. It is sure past time for you to live in peace.
Don't mske any drastic choices but if your ready than I wish you all the luck and hope and will keep you in my prayers. Hoping all here do too.

 

[Meerkat]

So sorry, Clem, for what you are going through. From what you post, I think of you as an independent and smart lady. That being said, I'd get all that you can from the divorce, and go live a different life. One that you want. My heart goes out to you. Spouses need to be kind and loving. One of our daughters is going through a heartbreaking mess right now. Her boyfriend beat the snot out of her, tried to kill her. She left and went to see her BFF another state away, went to the hospital there, then came back and told us two weeks later. Went to our local hospital, had CT scans done. Has neck damage, is in pain, another appt tomorrow, and then "phone court" with the detective's findings on Friday. All we could do to keep from shooting him. This daughter has had 2 other serious boyfriends that were both dangerous psychos. to convince her to change scenery and come out to the farm for awhile after this is over, but doubt she will. I hope this man goes to jail. I hope the judge does something and it screws up the work clearance he is currently trying to get from the DOD. There are serious bad people in this world.

My goodness so many of us who suffer.I really do keep all of you in my prayers and so does hubby we pray together at night,I'm not real religious but I do beleive and think God hears our prayers.You know what we have going on Amish with our daughtrs and a couple of their kids ,Life is a challenge.

 

[Weedygarden]

Clem, if you married at 19 and have been married for 41 years, You are around 60 years old. You are not going to be able to start over and build up again. You will need a place to live and a way to support yourself. Don't walk away from your share. Take some time and think this through. Get a good lawyer who can do your bidding. If you let your husband have everything, he wins, again.

After re-reading your first post, it hit me that you come from a tough family situation. I did as well, but there was not that level of violence in my home, except from one brother who felt the need to hurt everyone else, to help him be in control. I stayed and still stay away from him. He is a narcissistic ass.

These early situations form who we are and how we react to others. I attended Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting for several years. Going back to school took all my time and I have never returned to those meetings. The other thing is the affect that narcissists have on those around them. I also participated in counseling with therapists for years. I needed help in sorting out what the heck was wrong with my family. I still read and study about it. This kind of family life creates different ways of being for each person. It is dysfunctional. Many scapegoats of narcissistic families go no-contact with the abusers. I have. I have found it easier and easier to get away and stay away from people who are abusive in any way. I could be a hermit and be happier than living around nasty and abusive people.

 

[Amish Heart]

Good advice, Weedy. I've studied lots about narcissists, because of my growing up years. Mom is classic. Left home at 16, and went limited contact up until a few years ago when I saved her butt from the dementia home sis put her in. Now she's where I am, and I am being careful. I will be seeing her today, we'll be picking her up and bringing her over to the farm. About her and her relationships...she's had 3 failed marriages, and the last man I couldn't even stand to be around. Sounds like your current husband, Clem. Mom is 87 and still spewing her garbage (this week is talking smack about one of my sisters to me), and I know she says horrible things about me when I'm not around. So I just put limits on our interactions. She gets one afternoon a week. I'm thankful I married a loving man.

 

[phideaux]

What people say to you about others.
They also are saying to others about you.

That's not a person you need to be around.

Jim

 

[angie_nrs]

And another couple I know is no longer...... They were together for 17 years. I saw her today and she looked like she got hit by a truck. I immediately knew something was wrong. She was distraught and she was at work. When I asked what the heck was going on, she told me she caught him cheating. She just found out yesterday and she is at work today. Apparently, there was nobody to cover her. Dang! I feel soooooo bad for her. I wanted so badly to say something to help make her feel better. The only thing I could do was to tell her I was available if she needed someone to talk to. We are not that close, but I just caught her at a really vulnerable time. I can't imagine what is racing through her head. I told her, don't kill him, he's not worth it. I was serious. She is not in a good place right now. I will pray for her. It's really all I can do.

 

[Weedygarden]

And another couple I know is no longer...... They were together for 17 years. I saw her today and she looked like she got hit by a truck. I immediately knew something was wrong. She was distraught and she was at work. When I asked what the heck was going on, she told me she caught him cheating. She just found out yesterday and she is at work today. Apparently, there was nobody to cover her. Dang! I feel soooooo bad for her. I wanted so badly to say something to help make her feel better. The only thing I could do was to tell her I was available if she needed someone to talk to. We are not that close, but I just caught her at a really vulnerable time. I can't imagine what is racing through her head. I told her, don't kill him, he's not worth it. I was serious. She is not in a good place right now. I will pray for her. It's really all I can do.

I remember how devastated I was. It took me years to recover emotionally and financially. I cried every day for months. No one wanted to be around me, understandably. I was rocked for years. Since then, I've seen other people who were devastated at the end of their marriage. I remember one woman in particular. She was a wreck for many, many months. Other people have told me the same thing. They just could not believe what was happening. I think that it is on the list of one of the hardest things to deal with in life. We may think we know the heart and mind of our spouse, but we don't.

A former student of mine just had her divorce finalized last week. She had a fairytale wedding, 10 years ago. (I don't agree with the need for a big flashy showy wedding. Quiet, private and personal is more my style. Spend more time on planning the marriage than the wedding.) Former student's husband took a mistress and she finally found out. He made good money and they had a good life, until. This past week, he sold the car she has been driving out from under her. She has 3 young children. I wonder if she got the house with the pool? I believe she did, and that is why he feels the need to sabotage her transportation.

 

[joel]

He needs to be horse whipped.

 

[Amish Heart]

That's got to be the worst if your spouse is leading a double life and you had no idea.

 

[Weedygarden]

That's got to be the worst if your spouse is leading a double life and you had no idea.

This is what goes on when someone travels for work and is on assignment in places. This guy worked on restoring electricity in Puerto Rico. She went to visit him and stayed there for two summers. He had to have been there at least a full year, if not two years.

 

[Spikedriver]

This is what goes on when someone travels for work and is on assignment in places. This guy worked on restoring electricity in Puerto Rico. She went to visit him and stayed there for two summers. He had to have been there at least a full year, if not two years.

We run into this on the railroad too. We don't stay in one place that long, but the tracks are littered with broken marriage vows. It goes both ways, the men working and the wives at home, neither has the upper hand when it comes to morals. One of the guys told me a story a long time ago. He said, "I've never caught my wife cheating, but I've heard things. I couldn't blame her if she did. We've been married ten years and I've spent over half that time away from her. She's a flesh and blood woman, and I'm not there..."

It's sad but he was right.

 

[Patchouli]

A man I know had a really horrible accident. Older model car, no airbags, head on collision, they did not think he’d make it. His injuries were extensive.
His charming wife said to pull the life support even when doctors had not suggested that. Somehow someone stepped in and he had a long recovery ahead of him. They divorced.
She is now a nurse.
To me, what she wanted to do seems a worse betrayal than infidelity.

 

[Neb]

A man I know had a really horrible accident. Older model car, no airbags, head on collision, they did not think he’d make it. His injuries were extensive.
His charming wife said to pull the life support even when doctors had not suggested that. Somehow someone stepped in and he had a long recovery ahead of him. They divorced.
She is now a nurse.
To me, what she wanted to do seems a worse betrayal than infidelity.

That is thought provoking.

Hmmmm

Ben

 

[Patchouli]

That is thought provoking.

Hmmmm

Ben

Well, I mean ya hear people say things like "over my dead body," and "I'd rather die than ...." etc. etc.

 

[Weedygarden]

We run into this on the railroad too. We don't stay in one place that long, but the tracks are littered with broken marriage vows. It goes both ways, the men working and the wives at home, neither has the upper hand when it comes to morals. One of the guys told me a story a long time ago. He said, "I've never caught my wife cheating, but I've heard things. I couldn't blame her if she did. We've been married ten years and I've spent over half that time away from her. She's a flesh and blood woman, and I'm not there..."

It's sad but he was right.

After I graduated from h.s. and left my hometown, I became aware of young married women I knew whose husbands were in Vietnam. Later, many divorced. A couple years ago I had lunch with a former classmate and wow! There were many affairs by the wives left behind. One woman I know had a child by another man, and her husband had to know it. They stayed together for a while after he returned, but eventually divorced. I learned many years later that she had mental health issues. No excuse, but, it explains some of it.

 

[Peanut]

The military is tough on marriages. In the navy, after a 6 month deployment the navy expected 38% divorce rate among the married crew of a ship. There was a term used for certain ladies at the enlisted club on base... the first night a Battle Group left Norfolk on deployment.

They were known as "Med Cruise Widows", there husbands had left that day and would be gone for 6 months. Most didn't bother taking off their wedding rings... they were out to party and find a young stud to keep them company while hubby was gone.
--------------

The title of the thread reminded me of a couple I knew years ago. A friend and his wife had each been married 3 times... To each other! They married right out of high school, divorced before they were 20. Married again 3 years later, this one only took a year. This time they remained single for about 5 years... Been married ever since. I remember hearing someone say they'd celebrated their 25th a few years ago.

I guess they would be the couple I never thought wouldn't split.

 

[Weedygarden]

I mentioned that a former student had her divorce finalized last week. Her parents were married and divorced. They were divorced for at least a decade, if not longer. They remarried about 20 years ago and are still together. They have given their daughter lots of moral support during her divorce and are loaning her a car until she can find a new one, since her old one was sold.

 

[Camalot]

My parents passed within 30 days of one another. They'd been married 62 years and together since they were 10 years old.

 

[Camalot]

Well, I mean ya hear people say things like "over my dead body," and "I'd rather die than ...." etc. etc.

I generally use the term "Over your dead body."

 

[Patchouli]

That is thought provoking.

Hmmmm

Ben

Yeah? I guess that was a pretty dumb comment on my part to say it was worse to pull the plug than be unfaithful. I hope somebody understands what I mean. The man had not stablized and she was ready to cease all life-saving measures as if she didn't care. Of course it is worse.

Would you want her to be your nurse? She contacted me after the accident and divorce, I had no idea what had really happened, yet.

 

[UrbanHunter]

Dealing with things when someone is on Life-Support is very distressing.... My mom had a stroke and bleeding around the brain... We all gathered and no one could make a decision. My step-dad just rung his hands and stuttered.... My grand-pa just cried and cried talking about his little girl.... The doctors told us that she was brain dead and that she would never leave the bed..... I pulled the plug....

3 months later Grand-pa died, loosing his little girl was just more than he could bare....

I've seen a lot of death, watched my dad die of cancer and that was bad.

Have lived with death for decades and every day that you can wake up and do something is a good day. Every morning I check to see if the wife is breathing, sometimes it takes a couple of minutes and that can set you back.....

Sorry, got off topic....

Both the wife and I had bad marriages that ended worse.... That experience left little trust or tolerance in either of us, we sat our ground rules early and stuck to them... It's been 37 years and over that time she has earned my trust and respect. I don't think that anyone could take her place, how can anyone ever compare with someone who has worked, saved, and been a trustworthy friend for all those years.

The good thing about surviving a bad marriage is that it teaches you what BAD can be and that helps you to over look the little things that can be annoying... In today's society everything is disposable and no one is willing to put in the work necessary to keep things going....