Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
WOOOW
My all time favorite Easter joke.
A priest was saying Mass on Easter Sunday. When it came time for the sermon, he brought all of the children up on the altar with him. He said "Easter Sunday is the day we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Now who can tell me about the Resurrection?" The children all looked at him with blank faces, until one little boy raised his hand. The priest called on him. "What can you tell me about the Resurrection?"
The little boy replied "I know if you have one for more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took 30 minutes for the congregation to stop laughing.
A priest was saying Mass on Easter Sunday. When it came time for the sermon, he brought all of the children up on the altar with him. He said "Easter Sunday is the day we celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Now who can tell me about the Resurrection?" The children all looked at him with blank faces, until one little boy raised his hand. The priest called on him. "What can you tell me about the Resurrection?"
The little boy replied "I know if you have one for more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
It took 30 minutes for the congregation to stop laughing.
Beautifal gal wearing a mini stops in to buy some shoes. The guy kneeling in front of her pushing the first shoe on her couldn't resist a good peek. She said, "Do you always sneak a perve when you put shoes on a woman!"
"No, mam!!! I dont work here!!!!
"No, mam!!! I dont work here!!!!
If ‘duck and cover’ worked as well as they say.
That's like hiding in a bathtub during a tornado.
Most bathtubs are plastic these days.
Silly version song/music/video of the song
CHIC - Le Freak
CHIC - Le Freak 
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2017
- Messages
- 9,305
jewish friend sent me this today--lol
And then there is this: Squirrel Problem at Churches
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
And then there is this: Squirrel Problem at Churches
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
At the Southern Baptist Church they just eat the squirrels.
We STILL do that! Hubby has an old Impala!!
