Jokes and Humor
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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth.
The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet.
Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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An old rancher went to a town hall meeting. The local politician was there to talk about the latest Ag legislation he proposed.
The politician talked about grazing, property rights, irrigation, and how the government could help the generational ranchers of the area.
After listening to the impassioned promises put forth by the politician, the old rancher raised his hand to ask a question.
Seeing that he had the attention of the weathered old rancher, and thinking he could score some points, the politician took the old man's question....
Old man: "Senator, did you know that cows, horses and goats eat the same feed?"
Senator: "Yes sir, everybody knows that!"
Old man: "Then senator, can you tell me why cows poop patties, horses poop cubes, and goats poop pellets?"
Senator: "How would I know the reason for such a simple thing like poop?"
Old man: "Then senator, can you tell me how a man who doesn't know ****, can help me run my ranch?"
The politician talked about grazing, property rights, irrigation, and how the government could help the generational ranchers of the area.
After listening to the impassioned promises put forth by the politician, the old rancher raised his hand to ask a question.
Seeing that he had the attention of the weathered old rancher, and thinking he could score some points, the politician took the old man's question....
Old man: "Senator, did you know that cows, horses and goats eat the same feed?"
Senator: "Yes sir, everybody knows that!"
Old man: "Then senator, can you tell me why cows poop patties, horses poop cubes, and goats poop pellets?"
Senator: "How would I know the reason for such a simple thing like poop?"
Old man: "Then senator, can you tell me how a man who doesn't know ****, can help me run my ranch?"
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It is hard to believe that this is NOT a joke.
A Kindle book, telling you how to delete Kindle books, from your Kindle. And it's 131 pages long!!!
I always just click on the three dot menu icon next to the book, then click on delete. It's really not that difficult.
At least the book is free. For today at least - but you better hurry, you might miss out and have to pay full retail price tomorrow!
A Kindle book, telling you how to delete Kindle books, from your Kindle. And it's 131 pages long!!!
I always just click on the three dot menu icon next to the book, then click on delete. It's really not that difficult.
At least the book is free. For today at least - but you better hurry, you might miss out and have to pay full retail price tomorrow!
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Zoom - that's awful!
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I once backed traffic up for a mile when I stopped to change a tire for some women. They were reading the owners manual trying to figure it out so I stopped to help.
People would yell profanities as they drove by. It took me a few minutes to change it and we were on the way. Would have been faster but the trunk was full of golf clubs. They were almost late for their T time. They offered to pay me but I told them to thank my Mom because it was the way we were raised.
People would yell profanities as they drove by. It took me a few minutes to change it and we were on the way. Would have been faster but the trunk was full of golf clubs. They were almost late for their T time. They offered to pay me but I told them to thank my Mom because it was the way we were raised.
For my hubby lol
I don't know where this place is but I will take 1 to eat there and 2 to go.
Idiots yelling profanities for being delayed are yelling at the wrong people. It's the other idiots ahead of them who thought changing a tire would offer entertainment and was worth slowing down for.
Next time, get a dummy and some fake blood and have one person pretend to be doing CPR while the other changes the tire. That way, the folks driving by will get the show they clearly want. :/
Jim
I am totally "exhausted "...
I dreamed about "mufflers" all night!
Jim
I dreamed about "mufflers" all night!
Jim
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