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Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
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Jim
Well Jim, you just posted my wife. Just need 2 more sisters. LOL
Jim
Its ALWAYS cold feet season.
@Terri9630 you and me both... I've been looking for large fuzzy winter socks but can't find any online or local... 
Jim
Jim
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JOKE OF THE DAY:
Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving
late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner,
says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor
cow. You were driving."
So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the
animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old.
Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and
tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."
Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated,
a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.
The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer
opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave
me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.
Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened,
I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've
just killed the old cow."
Suddenly, a cow runs out onto the road, and a limo driving
late at night, hits it head on, and the car comes to a stop.
The woman in the back seat, in her usual abrasive manner,
says to the Chauffeur, "You get out and check on that poor
cow. You were driving."
So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the
animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old.
Well, says the woman, "You were driving, so you go and
tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there."
Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated,
a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face.
"My God, what happened to you?" asks the nasty woman.
The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer
opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave
me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks the woman.
Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened,
I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've
just killed the old cow."
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America is over $22 trillion dollars in debt, to put that in context.
Imagine shopping at Whole Foods every day for a month.
Imagine shopping at Whole Foods every day for a month.
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HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND
THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?"
WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS TALE FROM A WOMAN!!
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME WHO HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS NEARLY 40 YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY-LINED FACE WAS WAY
TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK
HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, "IN 1968. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD, FAT,
GRAY, DECREPIT SOB ASKED,
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?"
WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS TALE FROM A WOMAN!!
I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A
NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE
SAME NAME WHO HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS NEARLY 40 YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY-LINED FACE WAS WAY
TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK
HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, "IN 1968. WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD, FAT,
GRAY, DECREPIT SOB ASKED,
"WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
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Jim
For Meer...
Jim
Jim
Jim
Jim
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Police investigating multiple drones flying over N.J. towns at night- Latest: Mountain trapper
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