Jokes and Humor

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[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

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[Mr.Meer]

 

[backlash]

I went to Dutch Brother's Coffee. I asked for a coffee, they informed me they do not have coffee. They did offer to make me an Americana but I AM NOT PAYING $5 for a cup of coffee. Coffee is their name and they don't sell it.

 

[Cascadian]

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you".

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you. " Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.

"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you. " The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"

"Moses," Replied the bird.

"Moses" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"

The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"

 

[zannej]

I discovered they now inject you with some horrible chemicals. Made me nauseous and gave me a migraine for the next 2 hours. I'd rather try the treadmill. LOL.

I think I actually saw that one in person. LOL.

My brother is picky about his shampoo. All I do is check the smell of the shampoo to make sure it's not something I would hate. My brother gets the nicer stuff to make his hair shiny & full.

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Jim

All the damn time. I'm still trying to remember where I put the repair flange for the toilet.

I once had a woman get mad at me bc she *thought* I tripped her brat. Kid kept running in to me & I told him to knock it off. The mother ignored me when I told her to make her kid stop it. Then the kid tripped over a floor strip transitioning from carpet to tile & screamed that I tripped him- when I was 4ft away. I was a teenager then & had some unkind words for the woman when she tried to get on my case about it.

Some handy household tips.

I may have to try these-- although, I might just use a whisk instead of scissors...

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LOL. Guilty. I had to nap 3x today & all I did was sleep.

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Not unless I sleep all day.

My mother and I like to shoot the straw paper at each other when we go to restaurants.

 

[Mr.Meer]