Jokes and Humor

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[angie_nrs]

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[The Lazy L]

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY A LITTLE CHURCH HUMOR.

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning.

He said "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind."
The pastor shouted out "CROSS." Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS."

The pastor hollered out "GRACE."
The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound."

The pastor said "POWER." The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD."

The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They all nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything.

Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".

Pass this along to some other old fogey so they can smile today. (I just did).

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Caribou]

LL, you reminded me of a church story. Most of the churches in town were customers of my heating business. I was working on a boiler at one of the churches shortly before Valentines Day. The pastor told me that the church was having a special Valentines Day dinner and that I should bring my wife. She traveled quite a bit for work back then and I informed him that I couldn't as she was scheduled to be out of town then.

Me, being who I am, immediately asked him if I could bring my girlfriend instead. The response was what was expected and he started laughing. Then I got a bonus. I could see the wheels turning and he started to wonder whether my joke was indeed a joke. He then said, no, I wasn't allowed to bring a girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend, the only person I would be less likely to tell than him would be my wife. That joke still makes me smile.

 

[SheepDog]

That sounds like something I would say!
I would show up with one of my daughters and really start the talking!

 

[dademoss]

 

[Sparky_D]

True story from my hospital stay last week:

When you are a surgical patient in the hospital, modesty is generally not something to be concerned about.
This was the first time I have ever been fitted with a catheter, and of course the doctor needs to examine it.
Being it was only him and my wife in the room, I said sure.

As he pulls up the gown to inspect the catheter, he looks to my wife and asks, "Been a while since you've seen this?"

My wife, being of sharp wit, doesn't miss a beat. "No, it hasn't been THAT long... I've just never seen it on life support..."

Left the doc speechless

 

[dademoss]

True story from my hospital stay last week:

When you are a surgical patient in the hospital, modesty is generally not something to be concerned about.
This was the first time I have ever been fitted with a catheter, and of course the doctor needs to examine it.
Being it was only him and my wife in the room, I said sure.

As he pulls up the gown to inspect the catheter, he looks to my wife and asks, "Been a while since you've seen this?"

My wife, being of sharp wit, doesn't miss a beat. "No, it hasn't been THAT long... I've just never seen it on life support..."

Left the doc speechless View attachment 50810

She's a keeper for sure

 

[Peanut]

 

[MagBlackhawk]

Man has a sense of humor that is given to us by God.
So just for fun and nothing else...

Squirrels Find Religion:

As a band of squirrels had become quite a problem, the Presbyterian
church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel
infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that
the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't
interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the
baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked
the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice
as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm
any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and
set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels
were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of
whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with
alcohol. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels
can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They
baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now
they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first
squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

Mag

 

[UrbanHunter]

 

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[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[LadyLocust]

View attachment 50823

I liked Burgess Meredith.

 

[Neb]

He is on Shawn Hanity now

Ben

 

[LadyLocust]

He is on Shawn Hanity now

Ben

An old episode? He died in 1997 - or is there someone else with same name???? I'm confused, but that doesn't take much.

 

[dademoss]