Jokes and Humor

[Woody]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[Curmudgeon]

 

[Curmudgeon]

 

[squirrelhunter]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[VenomJockey]

You just had to do that did you........

 

[Meerkat]

I love Hyacinth! And Richard, God bless him!

LOL, I have complete set of Royal Vale tea cups WITH SAUCERS and bread plates [ forgot what they are celled ] just like hers. Also made in England. Hubby found them at the Good Will store and several old ladies really gave him a hard time wanting them.
We all over looked them thinking they were from China like most tea cups.
4 of the old ladies said they would mug him in parking lot.

 

[squirrelhunter]

You just had to do that did you........

Yep

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[SHOOTER13]

:boom:

.

 

[Meerkat]

I named 3 of our dogs after these people. Fred Unus and Eshter. All lived nice healthy long lives. My fathers name was Fred.

 

[Caribou]

A New Crop Of Idiots




I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the Poison Control Center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number One Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Two Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into theBranch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag.";


While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.


So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.


After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the WellsFargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slipor go back to Bank of America.


Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.


He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.


Number Three Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.


He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.


Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.


Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.


He immediately mailed in his $40.


Wise guy .. But you still get a sign.



Number Four Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~





A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.


After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21.";


The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.


At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.


The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21and she put the Scotch in the bag.


The robber then ran from the store with his loot.


The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.


They arrested the robber two hours later.


This guy definitely needs a sign .

Number Five Idiot






A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.


The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"


When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

Idiot Number Six
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty bad.


He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.


So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.


It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.


The whole event was caught on videotape.


Yep, here's your sign.

Idiot Number Seven




I live in a semi-rural area.


We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road


The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."



Take the sign - Please!


Idiot Number Eight




Stay Alert! They walk among us ...they Reproduce ... they vote ...

and a lot of them hold public office

 

[Meerkat]

A New Crop Of Idiots




I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the Poison Control Center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.

I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.

She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

Number One Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.
Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them.
It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

Number Two Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into theBranch and wrote this, "Put all your muny in this bag.";


While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.


So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank.


After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the WellsFargo teller.
She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slipor go back to Bank of America.


Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.


He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.


Number Three Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.


He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.


Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.


Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.


He immediately mailed in his $40.


Wise guy .. But you still get a sign.



Number Four Idiot
~~~~~~~~~~~~~





A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.


After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21.";


The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him.


At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.


The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21and she put the Scotch in the bag.


The robber then ran from the store with his loot.


The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license.


They arrested the robber two hours later.


This guy definitely needs a sign .

Number Five Idiot






A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.


The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"


When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.


This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.

Idiot Number Six
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty bad.


He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.


So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.


It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.


The whole event was caught on videotape.


Yep, here's your sign.

Idiot Number Seven




I live in a semi-rural area.


We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road


The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."



Take the sign - Please!


Idiot Number Eight




Stay Alert! They walk among us ...they Reproduce ... they vote ...

and a lot of them hold public office

Picture of $40, then reply, pic of handcuffs.

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[Supervisor42]

View attachment 7424

Yeah, you just want to go back in time and find the twisted evil bastards that decided these were a GREAT idea for kids.
You just know some guy stood up and said: "Why don't we take all of the galvanized water pipes we had leftover from building the school and put them together on a concrete slab for the kids to play on?":lil guy:

No telling how many broken arms, broken wrists, teeth knocked out, etc. that these claimed. I watched.
Now I'm the absolute last person to be called a 'safety-ninny' but even I can see the fatal flaw in this idea:bang Head:.

 

[tiffanysgallery]

 

[SHOOTER13]

It's a wonder we've lived through childhood to talk about it...!!

Well...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

.

 

[msharley]

 

[msharley]

 

[msharley]

 

[msharley]

 

[Meerkat]

View attachment 7888

Gotta love those Appalachian's pictures.:green man:

 

[threetango]