Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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Oh God, the flashback just now.
Back in 1987 when I lived in Baltimore, my friends and I would head to the beach on the weekends. Being broke college students, we often had to choose between fuel for the vehicle or food for ourselves. On one Sunday in Ocean City, Md, I had just enough money left for a large Coke and a tub of Boardwalk Fries.
On my walk back to my towel, I was mugged.
By a seagull.
It was humiliating.
The bastard flew at the side of my head and slammed into me, resulting in me dropping both my coke and the fries. I watched in horror as the Coke soaked into the dry sand and dozens of those friggin' gulls swooped down and took my fries. They were all gone in less than ten seconds.
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We went up on the back side of the lake, to a hole in the wall with friends. A covered deck & pier on the lake. People were feeding fish & big turtles French fries off the deck. Must have been 12 turtles & a few small sun fish in the water eating fries.
Can't tell you how seagull tastes but seagull makes great crab bait and crab tastes fantastic. Seagull is such a good bait it is illegal, don't get caught.As a native from Alabama I must ask:
Can you eat seagulls, and do they taste like chicken?
If I had been mugged like that, I would have been able to tell you an hour later.
Any critter that messed with us was called SUPPER!
If we had some down here, we could tell you. I think this would work.
Just change the word duck to seagull:
https://www.realcajunrecipes.com/recipe/duck-etoufee-stew/amp/
When you find out you have eaten nutria and loved it, nothing is 'off the table'
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Boardwalk Fries aside, I've seen what gulls eat. They won't appear on my dinner plate unless they're the only thing available. And yes, I've tried many native fauna that usually aren't on most menus.As a native from Alabama I must ask:
Can you eat seagulls, and do they taste like chicken?
If I had been mugged like that, I would have been able to tell you an hour later.
Any critter that messed with us was called SUPPER!
Not at all. They were the standard feathery son's of b!tches everyone knows well.
HOWEVER, I DID see the Flock of Seagulls, The Fixx and The Police a few years earlier.
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Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach
Karma
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers, and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject ‘A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
On March 23, 1994, the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus, and concluded that he died from a shotgun wound to the head.
Mr. Opus had jumped from the top of a ten-story building intending to commit suicide. He left a note to the effect indicating his despondency. As he fell past the ninth floor, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast passing through a window, which killed him instantly.
Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety net had been installed just below the eighth floor level to protect some building workers, and that Ronald Opus would not have been able to complete his suicide the way he had planned.
The room on the ninth floor, where the shotgun blast emanated, was occupied by an elderly man and his wife. They were arguing vigorously and he was threatening her with a shotgun! The man was so upset that when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his wife, and the pellets went through the window, striking Mr. Opus.
When one intends to kill subject ‘A' but kills subject 'B' in the attempt, one is guilty of the murder of subject 'B.'
When confronted with the murder charge, the old man and his wife were both adamant, and both said that they thought the shotgun was not loaded. The old man said it was a long-standing habit to threaten his wife with the unloaded shotgun. He had no intention to murder her. Therefore the killing of Mr. Opus appeared to be an accident; that is, assuming the gun had been accidentally loaded.
The continuing investigation turned up a witness who saw the old couple's son loading the shotgun about six weeks prior to the fatal accident. It transpired that the old lady had cut off her son's financial support and the son, knowing the propensity of his father to use the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that his father would shoot his mother.
Since the loader of the gun was aware of this, he was guilty of the murder even though he didn't actually pull the trigger. The case now becomes one of murder on the part of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Now comes the exquisite twist...
Further investigation revealed that the son was, in fact, Ronald Opus. He had become increasingly despondent over the failure of his attempt to engineer his mother's murder. This led him to jump off the ten-story building on March 23rd, only to be killed by a shotgun blast passing through the ninth story window. The son, Ronald Opus, had actually murdered himself. So the medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
A true story.
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POETIC JUSTICE
