Jokes and Humor

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[dademoss]

View attachment 84613

I wont know, I won't pay 5 bucks for a box of cookies.

 

[Pearl]

View attachment 84601

 

[jazzy]

I wont know, I won't pay 5 bucks for a box of cookies.

maybe youve not met the right cookie?

 

[Peanut]

Have to confess, once in a great long while I splurge on peppridge farm Dark Chocolate Pecan cookies, sooo good.

--------------------------

I knew IT! Been telling folks for years! No more making fun of my tinfoil hat .

 

[Pearl]

Have to confess, once in a great long while I splurge on peppridge farm Dark Chocolate Pecan cookies, sooo good.

--------------------------

I knew IT! Been telling folks for years! No more making fun of my tinfoil hat .

View attachment 84616

Uh oh, will this affect chicken mcnuggets?? Don't really care, I don't eat at McDonald's

 

[dademoss]

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[joel]

View attachment 84631

Everyone in my family can drive a car with that Antitheft on it.

 

[dademoss]

Everyone in my family can drive a car with that Antitheft on it.

I learned with "3 on the tree".

 

[dademoss]

 

[VThillman]

I learned with "3 on the tree".

Me too; 1950 Chevvy. Later owned a 58 Simca "4 on the tree", and 47 Ford 3/4 ton "5 on the floor", where the problem was catching the stick as it flopped around.

 

[joel]

A 1965 f100 truck & a nova at a later date. I bought a 1966 f100 twin frame years later & rebuilt the tree.

 

[dademoss]

 

[dademoss]

 

[The Lazy L]

 

[jazzy]

 

[dademoss]

 

[jazzy]

 

[dademoss]

 

[Caribou]

 

[Caribou]

Ole and Sven were fishing in Minnesota when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.


The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

 

[Neb]

Ole and Sven were fishing in Minnesota when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light.

'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long..

'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. 'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'

'Vell,' replied Ole, I got it from my Genie.'

'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.

'Ya, shure It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ole.

'Could I see him?'

Ole opens his tackle box and sure enough, out pops the Genie.

Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.


The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks... Flying directly overhead.


Over the roar of the million ducks, Sven yells at Ole, 'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!'

Ole answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"

A guy walks into a bar sits down and the bar tender notices a small man sitting on his shoulder as asked the man wanted.

The patron orders a beer and after placing it on the bar the tender watches as the little guy jumps off the shoulder kicks over the beer then jumps back on the patrons shoulder.

After this happened the third time the tender asked what is up the guy on your shoulder. The patron replies...

I found a lamp with a genie.

Wish 1
A million dollars

Wish 2
A smart trophy wife

Wish 3
(See previous joke by @Caribou )

Ben

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

who else is old enough to remember this guy?

Stupid Earthlings…you all fell for this BS? I’m done trying to conquer Earth and I’m out of here. Love ya, Ming.I

 

[jshay]

 

[jazzy]

 

[LadyLocust]