Jokes and Humor

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Magus]

I'm just about to do something about like that. my food storage is near the floor. whoever designed this thing was an idiot.

 

[Weedygarden]

1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up
in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button*.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately two teeth every
10 years.

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being
indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!

6. Only 7% of the population are lefties.

7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

8. Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until
they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over 50 will have spent five years standing
in line.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks seven times a minute.

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than any other time
of day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their heads in the sand is
to search for water.

18. The only two animals that can see behind themselves without
turning their heads are the rabbit and the parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in 'An Officer
and a Gentleman' and 'Tootsie'.

20. Michael Jackson owned the rights to the South Carolina
State Anthem.

21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture
of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same
airplane - just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a
tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords
cut from women who give birth. They are used in vein transplant
surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were
7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.


NOW, SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS!

THE ABOVE STATEMENTS ARE ALL TRUE!

 

[angie_nrs]

Who knew Trump was such a turn on?
https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/123/271/755/playable/40d6147c4398633a.mp4

 

[dademoss]

 

[Magus]

Who knew Trump was such a turn on?
https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/123/271/755/playable/40d6147c4398633a.mp4

If its not on their mind, its.....

 

[jazzy]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[zoomzoom]

1. When one door closes and another door opens, you're probably in jail.

2. To me, "drink responsibly" means, don't spill it.

3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 p.m. is the new midnight.

4. It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

5. The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

6. When I say "the other day", I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

7. I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

8. I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

9. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

10. When you ask me what I'm doing today and I say "nothing", it does not mean I am free. It means that I am doing nothing today.

11. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever....

12. I run like the winded.

13. I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

14. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

15. When get up out of a chair, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

16. I don't mean to interrupt people. I just suddenly remember things and get really excited.

17. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east".

18. Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Instead spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

19. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. I call those people "cops".

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[hashbrown]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[VoorTrekker]

View attachment 100158

When you see it, you'll go fishin'.

Memphis Tennessee has a Bass Pro and it IS a big pyramid!

 

[VoorTrekker]

View attachment 100309

Please explain...the car...

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[Caribou]

Please explain...the car...

A DeLorean, "Back to the Future", time travel.

 

[LadyLocust]

 

[LadyLocust]