Jokes and Humor

[jazzy]

 

[Lenny]

ENTRANCE FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS

 

[Lenny]

 

[Pearl]

View attachment 167987

When I was young, I went to work for a couple who were rather different! I showed up the first day, knocked on the door and heard "come in"! So I went in! The husband trots across the hall from the bedroom to the bathroom STARK NAKED saying " we'll be right there, need to put clothes on"!!

 

[Lenny]

When I was young, I went to work for a couple who were rather different! I showed up the first day, knocked on the door and heard "come in"! So I went in! The husband trots across the hall from the bedroom to the bathroom STARK NAKED saying " we'll be right there, need to put clothes on"!!

I'm glad you didn't say, "Can I join you?"

 

[Lenny]

GLORIOUS INSULTS!

"He had delusions of adequacy. "
~Walter Kerr~
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
~Winston Churchill~
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
~ Clarence Darrow~
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
~William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)~
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
~Moses Hadas~
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
~Mark Twain~
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
~Oscar Wilde~
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one. "
~George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill~
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
~Winston Churchill, in response~
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
~Stephen Bishop~
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
~John Bright~
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
~Irvin S. Cobb~
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
~Samuel Johnson~
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
~Paul Keating~
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
~Charles, Count Talleyrand~
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
~Forrest Tucker~
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
~Mark Twain~
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
~Mae West~
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
~Oscar Wilde~
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. "
~Andrew Lang (1844-1912)~
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
~Billy Wilder~
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
~Groucho Marx~