Jokes and Humor

[jazzy]

 

[Lenny]

ENTRANCE FOR ILLEGAL ALIENS

 

[Lenny]

 

[Pearl]

View attachment 167987

When I was young, I went to work for a couple who were rather different! I showed up the first day, knocked on the door and heard "come in"! So I went in! The husband trots across the hall from the bedroom to the bathroom STARK NAKED saying " we'll be right there, need to put clothes on"!!

 

[Lenny]

When I was young, I went to work for a couple who were rather different! I showed up the first day, knocked on the door and heard "come in"! So I went in! The husband trots across the hall from the bedroom to the bathroom STARK NAKED saying " we'll be right there, need to put clothes on"!!

I'm glad you didn't say, "Can I join you?"

 

[Lenny]

GLORIOUS INSULTS!

"He had delusions of adequacy. "
~Walter Kerr~
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
~Winston Churchill~
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
~ Clarence Darrow~
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
~William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)~
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
~Moses Hadas~
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
~Mark Twain~
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
~Oscar Wilde~
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one. "
~George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill~
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
~Winston Churchill, in response~
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
~Stephen Bishop~
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
~John Bright~
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
~Irvin S. Cobb~
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
~Samuel Johnson~
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
~Paul Keating~
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
~Charles, Count Talleyrand~
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
~Forrest Tucker~
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
~Mark Twain~
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
~Mae West~
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
~Oscar Wilde~
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. "
~Andrew Lang (1844-1912)~
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
~Billy Wilder~
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
~Groucho Marx~

 

[Pearl]

I'm glad you didn't say, "Can I join you?"

They were an older couple, world travelers! Probably were at every nudest colony and beach in the world!! They were often scrambling to dress! Not embarking in adult pleasures, just hanging around naked!!

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[Snowman]

When I was young, I went to work for a couple who were rather different! I showed up the first day, knocked on the door and heard "come in"! So I went in! The husband trots across the hall from the bedroom to the bathroom STARK NAKED saying " we'll be right there, need to put clothes on"!!

They were an older couple, world travelers! Probably were at every nudest colony and beach in the world!! They were often scrambling to dress! Not embarking in adult pleasures, just hanging around naked!!

Would believe that easier if the direction was the other way...!!?

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[Bacpacker]

They were an older couple, world travelers! Probably were at every nudest colony and beach in the world!! They were often scrambling to dress! Not embarking in adult pleasures, just hanging around naked!!

Not a thing in the world with it

 

[dademoss]