Weird Advice From My Dad..................

[Wiredog8]

Prepping is seriouse work.
Thinking about all the Doomsday scenarios is taxing.
This is a thread to bring a tad bit of humor and maybe a smile to a day of stress.
If you got something, please post it.
I'm sure everyone has something to put here.

I'll start with the advice my Dad gave me when I turned 18.
1. Never trust a man with a pinky ring.
2. Never shake hands with a left hand draw. He'll shoot you in the gut while holding YOUR gun hand.
3. The only true measure of a man is how he treats the people who can do Nothing for him.

 

[ranjen]

In the army. Never forget your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

 

[ranjen]

Walking point= sniper bait

 

[Wiredog8]

Walking point= sniper bait

I was 10 at this time:
Q: Hey Dad, how do they build bridges?
A: ( straight faced, DI style ) From the ground up.
( dead silence)
I knew I'd been had!

 

[ranjen]

Lol

 

[Kriptic]

One of my favorite peices of advice comes from a democrat of all people, Harry S. Truman.

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day"

 

[Clyde]

Prepping is seriouse work.
Thinking about all the Doomsday scenarios is taxing.
This is a thread to bring a tad bit of humor and maybe a smile to a day of stress.
If you got something, please post it.
I'm sure everyone has something to put here.

I'll start with the advice my Dad gave me when I turned 18.
1. Never trust a man with a pinky ring.
2. Never shake hands with a left hand draw. He'll shoot you in the gut while holding YOUR gun hand.
3. The only true measure of a man is how he treats the people who can do Nothing for him.

My Dad's advice, so to speak, was God promised you a lot of things.... Fair play was never one of them.

 

[Clyde]

2. Never shake hands with a left hand draw. He'll shoot you in the gut while holding YOUR gun hand.

It's good to be left handed!

 

[old_anorak]

My Dad always told us girls to keep a hay hook under the seat of the truck incase of a hijacking. I guess his reasoning was that it's a farm truck so a cop wouldn't think much about it. Still carry one.

 

[alabaster]

If something sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

There were a ton, but I will have to think of them and revisit the thread!

 

[Bravery]

The best piece of advice my dad gave me (he wasn't around too often to give real advice) was to "never get hung up on girls with hang-ups." This was good advice for me because I was too soft back in the day. It saved be from lots of heartache. Thankfully I never got involved with any girls with major baggage.

 

[Roninsensei]

My Grandfathers marriage advise.... You can be right or you can be happy.. If you choose right ask yourself "Is this the hill I want to die on?"

 

[Clyde]

My Grandfathers marriage advise.... You can be right or you can be happy.. If you choose right ask yourself "Is this the hill I want to die on?"

Your Grandfather is a very wise man!
On the topic of marriage,

Enter marriage with your eyes wide open, there after half shut......
~~~ Benjamin Franklin

 

[Clyde]

The best piece of advice my dad gave me (he wasn't around too often to give real advice) was to "never get hung up on girls with hang-ups." This was good advice for me because I was too soft back in the day. It saved be from lots of heartache. Thankfully I never got involved with any girls with major baggage.

My Dad's dating advise;

No matter how good looking a woman is there is some guy out there tired of putting up with her ****!

 

[Roninsensei]

lol!! Too True.

 

[MrsGina]

My dad's advice when dropping me off at school (7th-12th grade): "If you're going to be bad, don't get caught."

After having my first child: "Always make enough money to support yourself and children, things are never promised to last with the other parent."

 

[old_anorak]

Never start the fight, but be damn certain you win it, however you have to do it.
This one really stuck with me "Doesn't matter if you are a girl, you're responsible for your family and home."

 

[PhoenixPrepping]

Here are a couple of my favorites.

'You don't have to be faster than the zombie's, just faster than your friends'

And my g/f told me this one Halloween. 'Baby I love you more than anything in this world, but if zombies were chasing us, I would so trip your ass!' Great girl ain't she! Definately a survivor! :m4:

 

[PhoenixPrepping]

I remember this from my time in the military and found a copy of it. Makes me laugh my ass of EVERY time because it is so TRUE!!! Applies to preppers when the SHTF!

Murphy's Laws of Combat

1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
5. The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
   1. when you're ready for them.
   2. when you're not ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
13. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
19. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
21. Friendly fire isn't.
22. If the sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a second lieutenant with a map and a compass.
25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four seconds.
27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
30. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the colonel's HQ.
31. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
32. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
33. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
34. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
35. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
36. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
37. Interchangeable parts aren't.
38. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
39. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove ANYTHING.
40. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in boot camp)
41. The one item you need is always in short supply.
42. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
43. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
44. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
45. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
46. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
47. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
48. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
49. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
50. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
51. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
52. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Congressional Medal Of Honor.
53. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
54. Murphy was a grunt.

 

[SSTxPrepper1]

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I master my life. My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle,I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than any enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me and so on and forth. HOOAH.:m4:

 

[jayjay1]

Before you spit out the window whilst driving, make sure it's wound down.

 

[Bravery]

Before you spit out the window whilst driving, make sure it's wound down.

My son could have used that advice last year (12 years old). It was so worth it!!! I still tease him about it (spitting in to the wind too).

 

[Wiredog8]

My Dad to friend he was having a discussion with: " Don't piss on my boots and try to tell me it's raining."

 

[old_anorak]

And don't forget. Never piss into the wind.

 

[Wiredog8]

Hear this once from Dad.
" that boy is sharper than a dull bowing ball."

 

[Wiredog8]

My Dad used to call all of the boys my sister dated "Curtis".
Their real name did not matter, it's just what he did.
One day he came home, parked his car, walked past my sister and this guy, they were sitting on his car, and my Dad says," Hi Curtis".
The boy jumps off his car, looks at my Dad and says " Hi Mr. T".
Dad walks into the house, looks at my Mom and says " something"s not right".
Mom asks what that means and he explains the whole thing to her.
Mom says " That boy's name is Curtis!'
Thats the last time he ever did that.

 

[AmyReisch]

My Dad to friend he was having a discussion with: " Don't piss on my boots and try to tell me it's raining."

Never ask a tall person "How's the weather up there?".They might spit on your head and say its raining.

 

[Wiredog8]

Never ask a tall person "How's the weather up there?".They might spit on your head and say its raining.

My Dad told my sister that there are three things you never do in public:
Eat pickles, bananas, or hot dogs.

 

[old_anorak]

Or ice cream cones and popcicles.

 

[jayjay1]

Better to close your mouth and be thought a fool, than open it and remove all doubt.