Couples you never thought would split

[angie_nrs]

I received sad news yesterday of a couple that I thought would never ever ever split. They were best friends. They lived on a nice homestead with lots of critters and were both outdoors people with very similar interests. Both had jobs that they seemed to like and neither of them had any kind of substance abuse issues. They were always laughing and smiling in each others company and it just seemed like these two people were destined to be together. We found out last night that they divorced. We were shocked! If someone were to ask me which couple that I knew that would never get divorced, it would've been them. Hubs and I talked about it last night at length, just trying to make sense of it. Apparently there was some cheating going on. Neither of us can wrap our heads around that. I honestly don't understand infidelity. I would never put my husband, who is also my best friend, though that kind of pain. I would be devistated if he did it to me, so why on earth would I do that to him? Add to that the fact, that I find zero need to find that kind of intimacy with someone else.

I know that nobody ever knows what happens behind closed doors in someone else's life. Still, when something like this comes along, it's like getting hit in the gut. We also are finding that one of our other couple friends are not as tight as we thought. It seems as if there might be some control issues going on with them.

I'm not sure what the purpose of this post is. I guess it's more of a sad vent on my part. Still, if you have a wonderful spouse, take some time today to tell them how special they are and how much you appreciate them. I tell hubs often how special I think he is, not to keep our relationship strong, but b/c I truly believe it and want to let him know. He is an amazing man. He also heard it again last night. We had a nice conversation and both re-affirmed to each other how much we value our relationship. Sometimes we get comfortable in our marriage and just take it for granted. Last night we held each other a little tighter and realized how special our marriage is.

 

[backlash]

You can never know what is really happening in someone else's life. I have also been surprised to hear what I thought was a good marriage that ended. After the fact, I learned things that shocked me.

 

[Patchouli]

It is shocking to find out about that sort of thing. I have known too many couples, especially from church that split and stayed split. I mean truly shocking to find out what was going on or what happened and it truly is none of our business but it does add a touch of sadness to the day.
What I don't like: when people expect others to take one side or another as in the case of my extended inlaws. It was always like a rule that you couldn't be friends with both people from a split couple. I busted that bubble. lol

 

[havasu]

For my 30th wedding anniversary, I took my wife on a 15 day cruise from Los Angeles to 5 islands in Hawaii and back. I toasted to her for another beautiful 30 years. 2 weeks later, she confessed she had a boyfriend for the last 5 years, and was divorcing me. Yes, it was a complete shock but she later confessed, she hung on until the death of my father, so she could receive a sizable inheritance. She is/was as cold as they come.

 

[Amish Heart]

, Havasu, that's terrible what happened to you. We really only know a small handful of people in NM that have been married a long time. Most don't even bother getting married. My cousin called me this morning, and they are celebrating 54 years today. We will be at 37 years next month. I don't understand been unfaithful to a spouse, either. I do know people that have split because of money issues, and health issues with the partner. Maybe they never saw themselves growing old and needing care from the other spouse. My nephew and his wife have a close friend couple, and were devastated to find that the guy was cheating on his wife. They split for a month, the wife actually used our farm for a retreat to think, and now they're back together. I don't know if I could be so forgiving for cheating. I would not divorce, but I wouldn't believe it was a marriage anymore. Our son dated a lady for many years. We met her parents, and visited with them often. Years ago they split up but didn't divorce. They have five acres with 2 houses, and they just don't live together.

 

[Weedygarden]

For my 30th wedding anniversary, I took my wife on a 15 day cruise from Los Angeles to 5 islands in Hawaii and back. I toasted to her for another beautiful 30 years. 2 weeks later, she confessed she had a boyfriend for the last 5 years, and was divorcing me. Yes, it was a complete shock but she later confessed, she hung on until the death of my father, so she could receive a sizable inheritance. She is/was as cold as they come.

Horrible, havasu! Just awful! When it comes to money, some people are just cruel and cold.

I knew of a couple in North Dakota. They were both very attractive people. Her family had money and were generous with their daughter and son-in-law, to help them start a business and to build a very nice home. The couple became very successful and the husband became a pilot and owned a plane. They also had a grown daughter and a grandchild.

On their 25th wedding anniversary. he flew her from Williston to Minot for a special dinner. When they got home from dinner, the husband asked for a divorce. I had never met the couple, except when the business I worked for had a holiday party, but I had seen them and knew who they were. The divorce was in process at the time of our holiday party and the wife was there and a complete wreck. I don't believe the husband could have been any more cruel in how he handled it.

 

[backlash]

I knew a guy that had been married for over 20 years. They agreed to move from Portland OR to Medford OR. When it came time to actually pack up and move she said she changed her mind because she didn't want to leave her boyfriend. She had the boyfriend long before they married and the husband had no idea. That guy's life was destroyed in just a few months. His wife dumped him, his oldest son was killed in a car wreck and he rolled his tractor over and got killed.
Never take tomorrow for granted.

 

[HippoTwilight]

Brangelina hit me pretty hard. drink buddy

I can't think of any unexpected splits off the top of my head. I can think of several couples that I don't know what's holding them together.

One I met when they were dating. He didn't want to leave her b/c of the sunk cost fallacy. He didn't want to throw away the years he'd already spent on her even though he wasn't really happy. I think she's only with him b/c she couldn't do any better long-term. She will be the one to leave him when the grass is greener on the other side.

Another recently had kids, after a couple years of marriage. I was shocked when he told me he planned on proposing. Both of them just complain about everything, including each other. I'd give them more of a chance if I thought they communicated with each other instead of complaining to other people.

 

[Morgan101]

Angie: That is a sad story, and I would agree with all who said you never know what is going on in somebody else's marriage. Heck, there are enough examples here, and I am not being critical, of people not knowing what was going on in their own marriage.

You always hear the stories of how people have been together forever, and they get closer every day. Isn't it just as possible that you could be together forever, and grow farther apart every day? You stay together for the kids, or for the convenience, or the responsibility, or the money, or whatever, but love has long since left the equation. Over time you just grow apart instead of together.

Patch: Good for you in not taking sides. We have remained neutral through all of our friends' divorces. We are still friends with both sides, and see them separately. Only once have I ever taken sides. What he did was so despicable it shouldn't be spoken of, and I will never speak to him again. Otherwise, we feel we were friends with both of you. I'm sorry you had irreconcilable differences, but we will continue to be friends separately. I guess we were fortunate that nobody expected us to take sides.

 

[Meerkat]

For my 30th wedding anniversary, I took my wife on a 15 day cruise from Los Angeles to 5 islands in Hawaii and back. I toasted to her for another beautiful 30 years. 2 weeks later, she confessed she had a boyfriend for the last 5 years, and was divorcing me. Yes, it was a complete shock but she later confessed, she hung on until the death of my father, so she could receive a sizable inheritance. She is/was as cold as they come.

Havasu some people don't have a conscience,I had kids by one of those.Hope you find a good one next time.

 

[Weedygarden]

What I don't like: when people expect others to take one side or another as in the case of my extended in-laws. It was always like a rule that you couldn't be friends with both people from a split couple. I busted that bubble. lol

I have seen this so many times. Sometimes one person dishes a bunch of dirt on the other, and then the other person becomes an outcast. Some of those stories are not even true, and they are just salt in the wound. Once this happened to me, I decided I was never going to take sides, unless I was being mistreated by one or the other.

 

[Meerkat]

Older people are now for first time in our history thr ones divorcing the most.Senior divorce is now almost epedemic. Both usually end up poor after dividing all their assets.

 

[rusty]

Splitting from my first wife was no one's fault. I was 19, she 16 and I got drafted 6 months into the marriage. We are still friends. 2nd one, I had a high paying job and when my employer went out of business she left me. My 3rd and I just celebrated 37 years.

 

[Weedygarden]

Older people are now for first time in our history thr ones divorcing the most.Senior divorce is now almost epedemic. Both usually end up poor after dividing all their assets.

Some people think they will divorce when the children are grown and gone.

 

[Meerkat]

Some people think they will divorce when the children are grown and gone.

Hope they are rich.

 

[rusty]

I was the youngest. My parents divorced right after I graduated, after 28 years of marriage.

 

[phideaux]

September 10th will be 54 years for my wife and I.

Can't even imagine living without her.

We do everything together.
We talk about what we will do when one is gone.

How she can continue and how I will continue.
That's a hard conversation.

I'm thinking when one dies , shortly after the other will die of broken heart and lonliness.

Cheating or divorce is not even in our vocabulary.

Jim

 

[angie_nrs]

I'm thinking when one dies , shortly after the other will die of broken heart and lonliness.

I've seen that happen more times than I can count. It's amazing how quickly the body gives up when the brain no longer wants to live. We saw this happen with elderly patients in the hospital. One dies and often the other follows within the year, or sometimes even months.

 

[Patchouli]

September 10th will be 54 years for my wife and I.

Can't even imagine living without her.

We do everything together.
We talk about what we will do when one is gone.

How she can continue and how I will continue.
That's a hard conversation.

I'm thinking when one dies , shortly after the other will die of broken heart and lonliness.

Cheating or divorce is not even in our vocabulary.

Jim

That is love. That is commitment.
I saw obituaries recently where the husband died and it wasn't a month later, she died also.
My parents died in their 60s through unfortunate health circumstances, married ...long time...died 4 years apart. Never saw that coming.
@havasu that is gut-wrenching.
@backlash couldn't respond to that one.

Who are we to judge I suppose is the key here. Some get dished a crappy helping-full of broken-heartedness by others' sins.
Our last annversary was 37 years. We were a month and 10 days shy of 38.

 

[Amish Heart]

My grandma died a few months after my grandpa. It was from a sudden stroke, but really a broken heart.

 

[hiwall]

This year one of our sons called us to wish us happy anniversary. We had both forgotten it was our anniversary! It was 43 years.

 

[backlash]

September 10th will be 54 years for my wife and I.

Can't even imagine living without her.

We do everything together.
We talk about what we will do when one is gone.

How she can continue and how I will continue.
That's a hard conversation.

I'm thinking when one dies , shortly after the other will die of broken heart and lonliness.

Cheating or divorce is not even in our vocabulary.

Jim

September 18th will be 50 for us. Seems like yesterday.

 

[Spikedriver]

People got secrets. The innocent looking ones got lots of skeletons in their closets. Hell, if somebody opened up my closet the bones would come flying out and bury them. The point is, what's on the surface generally doesn't tell the whole story. I know too many people who look like they got wonderful marriages. But if you pull back the curtain, you see they're drinking, they're cheating, they're blowing money and blowing smoke, because they're miserable.

Nothing surprises me anymore...

 

[Rick]

I blame our society.
I know its a tired line..... but it seems when social standards were more strict like 100 years ago.. these things would not happen.

 

[Morgan101]

My parents both passed within a year of each other. My Mother went first. I remember my Dad saying "If I could get into bed and go with her I would."

We just hit 44 years together earlier, and Jim, I agree with you. Cheating and divorce are not in our vocabulary either.

 

[Bacpacker]

I've had a nasty divorce. The end of that was a great day. This time around will be married 36 years in September. Wouldnt trade her for anything . We've had hard times, her car wreck and recovery were the worst, but never gave any thought to giving up.

I agree with most of you, one never knows fully what goes on behind closed doors.

 

[hiwall]

I blame our society.
I know its a tired line..... but it seems when social standards were more strict like 100 years ago.. these things would not happen.

While I do agree with you about the lack of standards today, even hundreds of years ago there was cheating, backstabbing, violence, and more in relationships. People are people and many are not very nice.

 

[HippoTwilight]

While I do agree with you about the lack of standards today, even hundreds of years ago there was cheating, backstabbing, violence, and more in relationships. People are people and many are not very nice.

I'd argue there were more open marriages back in the day. I'm sure the lower/working class was more genuine love because neither had something material to offer.
People from the middle/upper classes married for social/political/business reasons. Since the marriage was a sham they probably diddled around with whoever they fancied to satisfy those particular desires.

 

[Terri9630]

I've seen that happen more times than I can count. It's amazing how quickly the body gives up when the brain no longer wants to live. We saw this happen with elderly patients in the hospital. One dies and often the other follows within the year, or sometimes even months.

My grandparents did that. My Grandmother went 45 days after my Grandfather. She just gave up.

 

[Weedygarden]

My grandparents did that. My Grandmother went 45 days after my Grandfather. She just gave up.

My aunt and uncle, who are 86 and 87 say they don't want to be here without each other. When one goes, they both want to be gone as well.