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Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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Oh my JAC I had never heard of her. That cracks me up
Oops, it didn't quote- that was in response to the Fruitcake Lady.
Oops, it didn't quote- that was in response to the Fruitcake Lady.
Last edited:
Oh my JAC I had never heard of her. That cracks me up
Oops, it didn't quote- that was in response to the Fruitcake Lady.
There is a bunch of videos of her on you tube.
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One lucky lady!!!
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You cannot trust one of the King's thugs.
The IRS sends their auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way ... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a free box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS"
"To the IRS?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ... And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
The auditor is doing all the checks and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way ... "Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a free box of matzo balls."
"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the IRS"
"To the IRS?" questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "directly to The IRS ... And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."
This is one of the funniest jokes on the net.
The reality is that if you incorporate your church or are a branch of an incorporated church the IRS is free to audit you anytime. If you don't incorporate they have no right or power to audit anything you do. Yet by definition you are a tax exempt entity but without the controls of the IRS or state. I have gone both ways in my service and prefer the unincorporated church setup. I feel that the state has no business inspecting the operation or finances of a church.
The reality is that if you incorporate your church or are a branch of an incorporated church the IRS is free to audit you anytime. If you don't incorporate they have no right or power to audit anything you do. Yet by definition you are a tax exempt entity but without the controls of the IRS or state. I have gone both ways in my service and prefer the unincorporated church setup. I feel that the state has no business inspecting the operation or finances of a church.
Since the State claims separation of Church and State then the "separation" works both way!!!!!!!! IMHO
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MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE
WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW
DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS
FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME,
DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH
SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE
SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH
THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY
LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD
ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH
PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASK ED.
HE ANSWERED "IN 1959.WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD,
WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW
DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS
FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME,
DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH
SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE
SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH
THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY
LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.
AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD
ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH
PRIDE.
"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASK ED.
HE ANSWERED "IN 1959.WHY DO YOU ASK?"
"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY. THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD,
WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
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A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding.As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a conceal weapon permit.Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, “Do you have a gun in your possession?”She replied in her crackly voice, “Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45 automatic in the glove box.”The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.She replied, “I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console.”The shocked trooper asked, “Is that all the weapons you are transporting?The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse.” Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?”And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a F***ing Thing."
