Jokes and Humor

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Frodo]

my dream vacation

View attachment 123634

Er. Ah…..yes. And I liked it

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

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[Morgan101]

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of chocolate-covered candy.

Then the liquor store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "Is it a Budweiser?" she guessed. "No," the boy replied.

She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"

"No," the boy replied again.

"Is it wine?"

"No," said the little boy......"It's a puppy!"

 

[Lenny]

View attachment 123816

All of the above!

 

[Frodo]

Wife is mad and I am on lock down

Let my People Gooooo!!!!!

 

[joel]

Exactly!!!

"What did you do all day?"
"Oh... I puttered around the house."
"All day?"
"Yeah. A little of this and a little of that took most of the day. Then I took a couple casts for the evening bite."

View attachment 123756

Every man I know.

 

[Cascadian]

Every man I know.

Awhile back we were expecting company but my wife had to run to the store. She said will you vacuum while I am gone? I am embarrassed at how long it took me to find the vacuum. I don't even want to talk about how long it took to unlock the handle and turn it on.

 

[joel]

I sold the vacuums with the water in it, Rainbow@.
Thirty eight year later it still runs, I learned that small, slow strokes cleans best. It paid off when a friend let us stay at their mountain home for a week. It was free, so no cleaning service, so we clean up every room we walked in. The wife went on & on about how clean she found the house, when she went up to clean it. Some friend treated it like a hotel, not even dumping their trash. How Rude!

 

[Supervisor42]

Wife is mad and I am on lock down

Let my People Gooooo!!!!!View attachment 123842

I just love that pic!
It just screams:
"Try typing on that keyboard all day now, Mister!!"

 

[Woody]

 

[Morgan101]

Awhile back we were expecting company but my wife had to run to the store. She said will you vacuum while I am gone? I am embarrassed at how long it took me to find the vacuum. I don't even want to talk about how long it took to unlock the handle and turn it on.

I bought a new vacuum about ten years ago. It was expensive, but it really is the best vacuum on the market, and it has a lifetime guarantee that you can pass on to an heir. No joke. My wife has never touched it. I could hide money under it and she would never find it. Our cleaning lady loves it, and I use it, but my wife seems to think that vacuuming causes cancer,

 

[Woody]

Just a stupid little video about human nature these days. One minute.

https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/158/232/593/playable/cddae782afe0b926.mp4

 

[Woody]

I sold the vacuums with the water in it, Rainbow@.
Thirty eight year later it still runs, I learned that small, slow strokes cleans best. It paid off when a friend let us stay at their mountain home for a week. It was free, so no cleaning service, so we clean up every room we walked in. The wife went on & on about how clean she found the house, when she went up to clean it. Some friend treated it like a hotel, not even dumping their trash. How Rude!

My parents had a Rainbow. Bought it before I can even remember. It was just "The vaccuum" of the house when I was growing up. We used it to help clean the house after both the folks passed away. Still worked great. No idea which one of the children ended up with it, but I bet that thing still runs great.

EDIT: I was a child of the 1950's so it had to be late 50's early 60's model at the latest. Brown, cone shaped thing.

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Woody]

 

[Cascadian]

My parents had a Rainbow. Bought it before I can even remember. It was just "The vaccuum" of the house when I was growing up. We used it to help clean the house after both the folks passed away. Still worked great. No idea which one of the children ended up with it, but I bet that thing still runs great.

EDIT: I was a child of the 1950's so it had to be late 50's early 60's model at the latest. Brown, cone shaped thing.

We had a Rainbow for 20 or 30 years. My wife gave it to our son who still uses it when we left Komifornia. When we looked at the price of a new one she said no way too expensive now.

 

[backlash]

I came home one day and there was a vacuum salesman there.
My wife said she told him she wasn't interested and I would be mad if he was there when I got home.
I didn't say a word I just went up to change clothes.
My wife told him I kept my gun upstairs and he better leave now.
He grabbed all his stuff, sprinted out the door, threw it all in his car and left fast..
She thought it was funny but the guy probably didn't.

 

[jazzy]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Woody]

 

[Woody]