Jokes and Humor

[d_marsh]

Ummmm.....yeah......but.......isn't the next scene where the nuke hits and they are all burnt to dust?

I never said they had a happy ending.

 

[angie_nrs]

I never said they had a happy ending.

Well, at least they didn't die with a cell phone in their hands. I guess that's something......

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

This is hilarious!

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[Lenny]

GLORIOUS INSULTS!

"He had delusions of adequacy. "
~Walter Kerr~

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
~Winston Churchill~

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
~ Clarence Darrow~

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
~William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)~

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
~Moses Hadas~

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
~Mark Twain~

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
~Oscar Wilde~

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one. "
~George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill~

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
~Winston Churchill, in response~

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
~Stephen Bishop~

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
~John Bright~

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
~Irvin S. Cobb~

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
~Samuel Johnson~

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
~Paul Keating~

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
~Charles, Count Talleyrand~

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
~Forrest Tucker~

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
~Mark Twain~

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
~Mae West~

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
~Oscar Wilde~

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination. "
~Andrew Lang (1844-1912)~

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
~Billy Wilder~

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I'm afraid this wasn't it."
~Groucho Marx~Â Â

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[Patchouli]

 

[Lenny]

View attachment 164307

BRILLIANT!

 

[LadyLocust]

View attachment 164309

Just like hubby and his dog!

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[Caribou]

 

[Lenny]

 

[dademoss]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[Lenny]

 

[Lenny]

Two women from Jehovah's Witnesses woke me up at 8:00 AM on a Saturday about 40 years ago. I told them it wasn't Christian to disturb people at that time. They said they have a constitutional right to do it.
I said, "If you have a f***ing constitution f***ing right to f***ing wake me up, then I have a f***ing constitutional right to f***ing say what I want too! They left! <GRIN>

 

[dademoss]

 

[d_marsh]

 

[d_marsh]