Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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- Dec 20, 2017
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I had never heard of this lady. Maybe you haven't either, but I thought of y'all when I saw it. My cousin, who lives in South Carolina, sent it to me.
Never heard of her either, but I love her!
KY county Fair...
Jim
Jim
Especially at our/my age....
Jim
My plans...
Jim
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- Dec 4, 2017
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A man was telling his buddy :
"You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said: Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, " - she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend Mohammed. We're going to work together on Elizabeth Warren’s Presidential Campaign."
"You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said: Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters. Then sell my car, take my front door key away, and throw me out of the house. Then disown me and never talk to me again. And don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
"Holy Smokes," replied the friend, " - she actually said that?"
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that. She actually said: "Dad, meet my new boyfriend Mohammed. We're going to work together on Elizabeth Warren’s Presidential Campaign."
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Our youngest daughter dated that.
Thankfully it ended when her true love couldn't introduce her to his family.
Thankfully it ended when her true love couldn't introduce her to his family.
Happens ....
Jim
My daughter came to me and told me that she wanted to get married. She continued that he was shorter than him and he was Mexican. OK, so then she told me her mother was totally against it. I asked why. She told me to find a taller man. OK, the ex-wife is an addict and has some strange views on life, so I asked when I could meet this young man. She said we could pick him up at the bus station when he came in later that night. I asked her if I should bring my shotgun and she gave me that "Ohhh daddy" line so I knew the shotgun was out of the question.
After picking him up and seeing the way they acted together I did the father thing and asked him a bunch of questions. I found out he was a Catholic, was a cook, and wanted to be a nurse. So no big surprises and he seemed like a guy who would defend his wife and raise kids well. After we got home and we had some time, my daughter went to her room, and he stepped up and asked me for permission to marry my daughter. I thought about the question for a long moment - long enough to watch him squirm - and then with all the wisdom I could muster I told him that my girl was the one to ask. He thanked me and then worked out when he would propose to her.
The next night was Christmas eve and the entire family was gathering as we always did; and in front of me, my eight brothers, three sisters, my mom and all the kids he knelt down on one knee and asked her to marry him. He offered her the ring and everyone in the house was deadly quiet. Well, she said yes and it went from there.
About six moths later, in the last weeks of wedding preparations I was asked to walk her down the aisle and we went through the trials and tribulations of managing a wedding involving an addict for a mother. I had to go to work and when I came home there was him, standing there looking like a puppy who had pooped on the floor. My daughter was in her room and he said he had to tell me something. He led me into the kitchen where the door to the basement stood half open. He closed it revealing a hole in the door. He told me he had lost his temper and would pay for a new door. I looked at him and told him I didn't want a new door. I then very quietly told him that he needed to get help for his temper, because if he ever hurt my daughter I would kill him. My calm cool demeanor and the blank expression on my face made it clear that I meant what I said.
They have been married for 30+ years, had four kids and he is a head nurse for the VA. My daughter is happy and the kids are growing up as well educated Christian boys and girl. They left the Catholic church and attend a local community church. Their faith has served them well. (her mother still wants her to find a taller man... some things never change.
After picking him up and seeing the way they acted together I did the father thing and asked him a bunch of questions. I found out he was a Catholic, was a cook, and wanted to be a nurse. So no big surprises and he seemed like a guy who would defend his wife and raise kids well. After we got home and we had some time, my daughter went to her room, and he stepped up and asked me for permission to marry my daughter. I thought about the question for a long moment - long enough to watch him squirm - and then with all the wisdom I could muster I told him that my girl was the one to ask. He thanked me and then worked out when he would propose to her.
The next night was Christmas eve and the entire family was gathering as we always did; and in front of me, my eight brothers, three sisters, my mom and all the kids he knelt down on one knee and asked her to marry him. He offered her the ring and everyone in the house was deadly quiet. Well, she said yes and it went from there.
About six moths later, in the last weeks of wedding preparations I was asked to walk her down the aisle and we went through the trials and tribulations of managing a wedding involving an addict for a mother. I had to go to work and when I came home there was him, standing there looking like a puppy who had pooped on the floor. My daughter was in her room and he said he had to tell me something. He led me into the kitchen where the door to the basement stood half open. He closed it revealing a hole in the door. He told me he had lost his temper and would pay for a new door. I looked at him and told him I didn't want a new door. I then very quietly told him that he needed to get help for his temper, because if he ever hurt my daughter I would kill him. My calm cool demeanor and the blank expression on my face made it clear that I meant what I said.
They have been married for 30+ years, had four kids and he is a head nurse for the VA. My daughter is happy and the kids are growing up as well educated Christian boys and girl. They left the Catholic church and attend a local community church. Their faith has served them well. (her mother still wants her to find a taller man... some things never change.
If I was a bachelor...
Jim
My son lives in a remodeled motel room as he attends Tech School (they call it a luxury dorm room). His kitchen is fancier but no larger than that one. In the cupboard is an induction hot plate.
Took me a minute...
Jus
Little powder puff I'm sure...no thunder..
Jim
Smartallec..
Jim
That's a nice dorm room. Mine was four walls - I think total size was maybe 9'x9' - a door, a bunkbed setup, and two desks. If you wanted anything else, you had to go down the hall to the community bathroom. The toilets were lined up against the wall. No stalls, just a bunch of naked toilets. Across the room from the toilets were a few shower heads sticking out of the wall. And two sinks near the exit door. Just one room with no dividers of any kind inside. The toilet paper was always soggy, because it was sitting there in a steam bath next to the shower heads. But still, the bathroom was the luxury room, compared to the dorm rooms. The dorm room doors had about a 2" gap at the bottom when closed, so it was never very quiet in the rooms. But that door gap was great for pranks. One of my favorites was taking an old album cover (you know, from the 33-1/3 records), pouching that cover open a bit, and filling it with shaving cream. Slide the open end under the dorm room door, then give it a good stomp with your foot. Then run like heck for the safety of the group bathroom, dropping your drawers on the run so you could hit the toilet immediately and appear to have been there the whole time. Toss the shaving cream can to some clueless guy walking down the hall - they always reflexively caught it - so you didn't look guilty yourself.
I learnt me lots of stuff in college!
My daughter brought home a new boyfriend one day, unbeknownst to me she was bringing him. I had just got back from deer hunting.
I was sitting on the couch in my camo coveralls cleaning my 50 cal muzzle loader when they came in the front door. I just calmly leaned back and said "good timing".
That was the first and only time that I saw that kid. No it was not planned but oh was it priceless.
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- Dec 24, 2017
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Take the tape off, or unglue the bottom flaps, and store them flat. You will get 10 times as many in the same space. From a guy who used to make them.
Jim
Jim
Jim
