Jokes and Humor

[Geezer]

 

[Resto]

I must admit I had to look her up.
I am impressed.
Hard to believe she is 70 and can shoot like she does.

Incredible Woman. I remember seeing her 1st Bianchi Cup Victory on TV way back. I was Blown away. Ive been keeping in touch with her ever since. Fine Human Being, Great Mother. Fearless yet Humble.

 

[Resto]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[bargeahead]

 

[bargeahead]

 

[bargeahead]

 

[threetango]

Guaranteed no more coughing after one teaspoon.

 

[Geezer]

 

[LastO]

 

[LastO]

View attachment 3461

 

[Caribou]

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense
leaving your body.

I didn't make it to the gym today That makes five years in a row.

I decided to stop calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better
saying I went to the Jim this morning.

Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment.
Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is.."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't
understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Actually I'm not complaining because I am a Senager. (Senior teenager) I have everything that I
wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance
every month. I have my own pad. I don't have a curfew. I have a drivers license and my own car.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. And I don't have acne.
Life is great.

I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

Now, I'm wondering did I send this to you, or did you send it to me?

 

[CrackbottomLouis]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[NannyPatty]

View attachment 3461

I don't know how many times I've done this with my garden hose or in my flower beds!!

 

[BBQJoe]

I don't know how many times I've done this with my garden hose or in my flower beds!!

Make sure you never do it with your waterbed.

 

[tiffanysgallery]

 

[NannyPatty]

Make sure you never do it with your waterbed.

That may be why we don't have one anymore !

 

[backlash]

Make sure you never do it with your waterbed.

My BIL did that.
I helped him move and he forgot the waterbed was filling.
It held but there was a huge water bubble about 4 feet tall.
It stretched the bed out so it was never the same.
If it had burst it would have flooded the entire apartment building.

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[Geezer]

 

[Geezer]

 

[Geezer]

 

[The Innkeeper]

Jim

is the truck driver proof of life on Mars?

 

[CrackbottomLouis]

 

[bargeahead]

 

[four4d4]