Jokes and Humor

[msharley]

 

[msharley]

 

[msharley]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[squirrelhunter]

View attachment 6618

Yeah I know,I found out the hard way

 

[SHOOTER13]

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[SHOOTER13]

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[msharley]

 

[GrannyG]

 

[Terri9630]

How cute. I'm pretty sure all of mine would be trying to eat the brush.

 

[Sentry18]

I grabbed this up for @Terri9630 but decided to share it with everyone. Seems about right to me, except I would mark the cold section in the habitable zone too.

 

[Terri9630]

Satan's armpit is wonderful today.
Sunny, slow wind and a high of 89° predicted for today. Currently 75°.

 

[Sentry18]

Satan's armpit is wonderful today.
Sunny, slow wind and a high of 89° predicted for today. Currently 75°.

Meanwhile here it's suppose to hit a high of 75 or 76 degrees degrees today so I have the central air on set to 71. No reason to die of heat stroke when we have the means to save ourselves.

Of course my office is currently set to 67 degrees, one degree warmer than the Chief's office next door.

 

[Terri9630]

Meanwhile here it's suppose to hit a high of 75 or 76 degrees degrees today so I have the central air on set to 71. No reason to die of heat stroke when we have the means to save ourselves.

Of course my office is currently set to 67 degrees, one degree warmer than the Chief's office next door.

I'd need a jacket to come visit you. I'd freeze!

 

[Sentry18]

I'd need a jacket to come visit you. I'd freeze!

You would have to stand in the sun.

 

[joel]

Florida is cooler then the SAP.
Just returned from my first big boat ride.
Cap, called it a ship.

 

[Amish Heart]

My Satan's Armpit is currently 88. No wind. Kind of overcast. When I left the preschool, I left the air conditioner set to 75. It's not that hot.

 

[DrPrepper]

Only 64 and windy in my part of Satan's armpit......is Hell getting ready to freeze over???

 

[Weedygarden]

http://gosarcastic.com/read-this-guys-hilarious-response-to-the-state-environmental-agency/

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter:

State of Pennsylvania’s letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ … File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.

You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.

All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2013. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on > > the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/12 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood ‘debris’ dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials ‘debris.’

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the > Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the dammed stream ‘restored’ to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the > environment (Beavers’ Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2013? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods.

I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

…and it’s a true story!

 

[Terri9630]

I love it!

 

[Terri9630]

You would have to stand in the sun.

View attachment 6937

That dog better move over and share!

 

[Weedygarden]

View attachment 6742

I was riding with someone who needed to change lanes and she said something, like, "Come on, let me over." I suggested she use her blinker.

 

[Peanut]

I was prospecting for gold on a club property near Dahlonega GA years ago (heart of Georgia gold county). Another club member lived a few miles up the road towards Cleveland GA.

I felt bad for the guy but it was funny at the same time. He had a screen wire shield built to cover the eves and gable ends of his old house. It looked awful.

It seems a wood pecker began devouring his home. He asked a very progressive neighbor if they were having the same problem. The answer was no. He said “I guess I’ll to solve this problem myself!” The progressive neighbor took this as a threat to the bird and called the local animal rights nuts who promptly began protesting in front of his home.

So, the man called animal control for help instead. It turns out the wood pecker was on the endangered species list…

I still laugh when I think of that poor guy! He should have killed it and kept his mouth shut.

 

[angie_nrs]

http://gosarcastic.com/read-this-guys-hilarious-response-to-the-state-environmental-agency/

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries regarding a pond on his property. It was sent by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy’s response is hilarious, but read the State’s letter before you get to the response letter:

State of Pennsylvania’s letter to Mr. DeVries:

SUBJECT: DEQ … File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property.

You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the Department’s files shows that no permits have been issued Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations.. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.

All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2013. Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on > > the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter. Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
David L. Price
District Representative and Water Management Division

Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

Re: DEQ File No.. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 11/17/12 has been handed to me. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane, Trout Run, Pennsylvania.

A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood ‘debris’ dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials ‘debris.’

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

These are the beavers/contractors you are seeking. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
(2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. (Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the > Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.)

I have several dam concerns. My first dam concern is, aren’t the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation — so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department’s dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling them dam names.

If you want the dammed stream ‘restored’ to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers — but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the > environment (Beavers’ Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2013? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice by then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality, health, problem in the area It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods.

I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your dam step! The bears are not careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU,
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

…and it’s a true story!

Now that was dam funny!! I actually cried a little b/c I was laughing so hard..... Thanks for that!

 

[Weedygarden]

Now that was dam funny!! I actually cried a little b/c I was laughing so hard..... Thanks for that!

I did a search and realized the word "dam" was used 41 times in that article. I thought it was hilarious.

 

[Terri9630]

I was prospecting for gold on a club property near Dahlonega GA years ago (heart of Georgia gold county). Another club member lived a few miles up the road towards Cleveland GA.

I felt bad for the guy but it was funny at the same time. He had a screen wire shield built to cover the eves and gable ends of his old house. It looked awful.

It seems a wood pecker began devouring his home. He asked a very progressive neighbor if they were having the same problem. The answer was no. He said “I guess I’ll to solve this problem myself!” The progressive neighbor took this as a threat to the bird and called the local animal rights nuts who promptly began protesting in front of his home.

So, the man called animal control for help instead. It turns out the wood pecker was on the endangered species list…

I still laugh when I think of that poor guy! He should have killed it and kept his mouth shut.

Sounds like his house should have been on the endangered list.

 

[TMT Tactical]

I just want to know what the dam response was back from the state.

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[The Lazy L]

I just want to know what the dam response was back from the state.

I would wager another form letter that did not address any of the question/concerns in the Property Owner's reply.