Jokes and Humor

[rusty]

 

[dademoss]

 

[zoomzoom]

Well ****.. I think my license might be in jeopardy..
and all just because of a stupid state trooper...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over on my bike:
Trooper: "License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I did not drink anything."
Trooper: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Trooper:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
Trooper:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:"A motorcycle."
Trooper:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Trooper:"As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me: "So... counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Trooper:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Peanut]

 

[Haertig]

That looks like my twin. Even the covid-hair pony tail matches.

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[dademoss]

 

[backlash]

View attachment 68534

I can tell you from experience they do not like you to pull out and pass them even if they are doing under the speed limit. I got a really nasty look and a thumb pointing to get back in line. When he took the next exit it was like the green flag had dropped.

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Caribou]

I can tell you from experience they do not like you to pull out and pass them even if they are doing under the speed limit. I got a really nasty look and a thumb pointing to get back in line. When he took the next exit it was like the green flag had dropped.

A thumb? A thumb? I got a piece of paper and a court date. A thumb, harrumph.

 

[winds-of-change]

I can tell you from experience they do not like you to pull out and pass them even if they are doing under the speed limit. I got a really nasty look and a thumb pointing to get back in line. When he took the next exit it was like the green flag had dropped.

One time I was in an expressway and there was an LE up ahead in a marked car in the lane next to mine. He was going 5 mph slower than the speed limit. I was going the speed limit. I passed him on the left. He flashed his overhead lights at me after I passed him. Was I supposed to be afraid passing him going the speed limit? What a jerk.

 

[rusty]

I had one stop me for doing 56 in a 55. Wrote me a ticket. Cost $80. I had to just pay it, I was booked with work 6 weeks ahead. It would have cost me $300-$400 to take a day off for court.

 

[rusty]

 

[Neb]

One time I was in an expressway and there was an LE up ahead in a marked car in the lane next to mine. He was going 5 mph slower than the speed limit. I was going the speed limit. I passed him on the right. He flashed his overhead lights at me after I passed him. Was I supposed to be afraid passing him going the speed limit? What a jerk.

Passing on the right bad mojo.

Driving in the left lane below speed limit..

Rude at the least.

Ben

 

[winds-of-change]

I had one stop me for doing 56 in a 55. Wrote me a ticket. Cost $80. I had to just pay it, I was booked with work 6 weeks ahead. It would have cost me $300-$400 to take a day off for court.

The judge certainly would have thrown that case out.

Passing on the right bad mojo.

Driving in the left lane below speed limit..

Rude at the least.

Ben

Oops. I meant I passed him on the left. I did everything legal. He just thought I shouldn’t have passed him.

 

[dademoss]

 

[VThillman]

Passing on the right bad mojo.

Driving in the left lane below speed limit..

Rude at the least.

Ben

Correct, Ben. The proper procedure is to get behind him, one car length back for each 10mph, and toot your horn at 5 second intervals until . . . until the situation changes.

 

[dademoss]

 

[backlash]

Correct, Ben. The proper procedure is to get behind him, one car length back for each 10mph, and toot your horn at 5 second intervals until . . . until the situation changes.

The stare patrol gave a guy a ticket for aggressive driving. He had a banner across the top of his windshield that said move right with an arrow. He went to court and lost. When the state wants your money thet will get it.

 

[dademoss]

 

[rusty]

My wife and i went to the
auction in Paris Kentucky the other week and one of the first
exhibits we stopped at was the
breeding bulls. We went up to
the first pen and there was a
sign attached that said,
"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife playfully nudged me in
the ribs...... smiled and said, 'He
mated 50 times last year, that's
almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen
which had a sign attached that
said,
"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
MY wife gave me a healthy jab
and said, WOW~~That's more
than twice a week!........... You
could learn a lot from him.
We walked to the third pen and it
had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters,
"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES
LAST YEAR"
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and
said,
'That's once a day... You could
REALLY learn something from
this one'!
I looked at her and said,
'Go over and ask him if every
time was with the same old
cow'.
My condition has been
upgraded from critical to stable
and i should eventually make a
full recovery.....................

 

[jazzy]

 

[rusty]

 

[VThillman]

The stare patrol gave a guy a ticket for aggressive driving. He had a banner across the top of his windshield that said move right with an arrow. He went to court and lost. When the state wants your money thet will get it.

The arrow was his downfall. Should have used a finger.