Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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True story, I was moving out an apt, 2nd floor, the ground floor being a parking deck. I had a big ugly brown sleeper sofa that I got at a yard sale. A friend and I were trying to get this sofa down the hall to the elevator, then down to the Uhaul truck. It weighed a couple hundred pounds, was royal pain to move.
We finally get it on the elevator. As it happened we were both at the back of the elevator, had trouble reaching the buttons. The elevator finally goes down but stops on the 1st floor, the door opened.
At that moment the sofa unfolded into the hall! Now we have a sleeper sofa in the hall and in the elevator! I had to laugh!
We were howling!
As it happened a lady was standing there waiting to get on. I had difficulty just getting out of the elevator. Finally, I was able apologize for the situation and half joking asked if she were interested in buying a sleeper sofa.
She said yes!!! I sold it for $10 (only paid $5). We didn’t even fold it back up until we were in her living room. My buddy and I just slid it down the hall on it’s end!!!
Problem solved! I did not want to fold that thing up and try to stuff it into the elevator again.
We finally get it on the elevator. As it happened we were both at the back of the elevator, had trouble reaching the buttons. The elevator finally goes down but stops on the 1st floor, the door opened.
At that moment the sofa unfolded into the hall! Now we have a sleeper sofa in the hall and in the elevator! I had to laugh!
We were howling!As it happened a lady was standing there waiting to get on. I had difficulty just getting out of the elevator. Finally, I was able apologize for the situation and half joking asked if she were interested in buying a sleeper sofa.
She said yes!!! I sold it for $10 (only paid $5). We didn’t even fold it back up until we were in her living room. My buddy and I just slid it down the hall on it’s end!!!
Problem solved! I did not want to fold that thing up and try to stuff it into the elevator again.
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I gave my daughter a 48 inch projection TV. She lived on the 3rd floor and when she moved the TV was pretty much junk. My son and his cousin were roped into helping her move.True story, I was moving out an apt, 2nd floor, the ground floor being a parking deck. I had a big ugly brown sleeper sofa that I got at a yard sale. A friend and I were trying to get this sofa down the hall to the elevator, then down to the Uhaul truck. It weighed a couple hundred pounds, was royal pain to move.
We finally get it on the elevator. As it happened we were both at the back of the elevator, had trouble reaching the buttons. The elevator finally goes down but stops on the 1st floor, the door opened.
At that moment the sofa unfolded into the hall! Now we have a sleeper sofa in the hall and in the elevator! I had to laugh!
As it happened a lady was standing there waiting to get on. I had difficulty just getting out of the elevator. Finally, I was able apologize for the situation and half joking asked if she were interested in buying a sleeper sofa.
She said yes!!! I sold it for $10 (only paid $5). We didn’t even fold it back up until we were in her living room. My buddy and I just slid it down the hall on it’s end!!!
Problem solved! I did not want to fold that thing up and try to stuff it into the elevator again.
They just tossed the TV off the balcony and picked up the pieces.
I'll never get another sleeper sofa... it was huge and weighed a ton. I was moving from LA to WV with a planned stop in Bama where I had other furniture stored including a good couch. I just had to get the sleeper out of the building. I was happy to sell it for $10. 
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2017
- Messages
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I remember riding by a house several days that had a refrigerator by the curb, with sign that said "free". It sat there for a couple of weeks. One day the refrigerator was gone and the home owner was standing by the curb. I stopped and said "I see you finally got rid of the refrigerator" and he said "not exactly". He said I took down the "free" sign and put a sign "For Sale $25"....."the next day someone stole the refrigerator".
Sounds like my neighborhood.
- Joined
- Sep 4, 2020
- Messages
- 10,690
If you are as old as dirt, your record player had 78 on it too.
I remember my mom's 78rpm records. They were 1/2" thick.
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Bugs try to come inside this time of year!!!
That happened to my uncle, he was trying to give away a small trailer, just for a joke my cousin stuck a for sale sign on it and someone stole it 3 days later.
A bit on the naughty side, fair warning.
A farmer was looking to brood some chickens, but his thoroughbred rooster ended up as dinner for a bobcat, so he's sitting on his back porch dreading his trip to town to get another rooster or two, when a leaflet blew by in the wind, it said:
Brewster the breeding rooster for hire, he can breed fifty chickens an hour, procreation guaranteed or total refund. Only 20$ an hour call Bubba at XXX XXX XXXX Monday thru Friday, 9:00 to 5:00
"HOT DANG! My troubles are over!" Shouted the farmer, and he called Bubba.
The next day, Bubba arrived in an armored bank truck and backed up to the chicken lot.
"That must be some kind of valuable rooster to keep in a van like that!"
Exclaimed the farmer.
"Oh, its not to keep stuff from getting Brewster, it's to keep Brewster in, but you'll see."
Said Bubba. "Point me to your chickens and back up with your butt to the van." He chuckled.
The farmer did as he was told and Bubba unlatched the door. There stood the skinniest, most dried up little white rooster the farmer ever saw! "That thing is going to breed my hens? is this a joke?" He snarled.
Suddenly Brewster saw the chickens and suddenly there was a blur and a blast of wind as Brewster set to work on the hens. "Slow down Brewster, you're not as young as you were!" Called Bubba. As chickens flew left and right the farmer's wife came to see what the commotion was, and Brewster dove on her, enraged the farmer set his coon hound on Brewster who was likewise mounted and bred, the farmer went after him with a pitch fork and was likewise mounted and bred unconscious! "DAMN IT BREWSTER, SLOW DOWN!" Called Bubba. after the hour was up and the dust cleared, there lay Brewster atop of a heap of comatose chickens, cattle, the dog, the farmer and his wife etc. Buzzards were circling over head. "Damn you Brewster, I warned you!" Said Bubba. Brewster cracked one eye open and hissed:
"Go away fool, they're about to land!"
A farmer was looking to brood some chickens, but his thoroughbred rooster ended up as dinner for a bobcat, so he's sitting on his back porch dreading his trip to town to get another rooster or two, when a leaflet blew by in the wind, it said:
Brewster the breeding rooster for hire, he can breed fifty chickens an hour, procreation guaranteed or total refund. Only 20$ an hour call Bubba at XXX XXX XXXX Monday thru Friday, 9:00 to 5:00
"HOT DANG! My troubles are over!" Shouted the farmer, and he called Bubba.
The next day, Bubba arrived in an armored bank truck and backed up to the chicken lot.
"That must be some kind of valuable rooster to keep in a van like that!"
Exclaimed the farmer.
"Oh, its not to keep stuff from getting Brewster, it's to keep Brewster in, but you'll see."
Said Bubba. "Point me to your chickens and back up with your butt to the van." He chuckled.
The farmer did as he was told and Bubba unlatched the door. There stood the skinniest, most dried up little white rooster the farmer ever saw! "That thing is going to breed my hens? is this a joke?" He snarled.
Suddenly Brewster saw the chickens and suddenly there was a blur and a blast of wind as Brewster set to work on the hens. "Slow down Brewster, you're not as young as you were!" Called Bubba. As chickens flew left and right the farmer's wife came to see what the commotion was, and Brewster dove on her, enraged the farmer set his coon hound on Brewster who was likewise mounted and bred, the farmer went after him with a pitch fork and was likewise mounted and bred unconscious! "DAMN IT BREWSTER, SLOW DOWN!" Called Bubba. after the hour was up and the dust cleared, there lay Brewster atop of a heap of comatose chickens, cattle, the dog, the farmer and his wife etc. Buzzards were circling over head. "Damn you Brewster, I warned you!" Said Bubba. Brewster cracked one eye open and hissed:
"Go away fool, they're about to land!"
Hey folks...Do you hate guns and want them out of your life, for good?
I have decided to take a stand and help out in the best way I can think of. If you or your friends have a pistol, revolver, shotgun, or rifle looking to be removed, I will take it (permanently), disassemble it, and ensure that it ends up in a safe place. I would normally charge for this kind of service, but I am willing to waive my fees because I care. Free pick-up service is also available within a 100 mile radius. Private message me today so that your home can be a gun safe zone. As a final safety precaution, I will take the ammo, too! Thanks in advance. If you're local and have any of dad's or grampa's old ammo laying around please message me and I can come get it and see that it is disposed of properly!
I have decided to take a stand and help out in the best way I can think of. If you or your friends have a pistol, revolver, shotgun, or rifle looking to be removed, I will take it (permanently), disassemble it, and ensure that it ends up in a safe place. I would normally charge for this kind of service, but I am willing to waive my fees because I care. Free pick-up service is also available within a 100 mile radius. Private message me today so that your home can be a gun safe zone. As a final safety precaution, I will take the ammo, too! Thanks in advance. If you're local and have any of dad's or grampa's old ammo laying around please message me and I can come get it and see that it is disposed of properly!
My home is a gun safe zone... All my guns feel safe here.
On a side note my guns are all retarded... I have kept them loaded and placed in plain view of passers by and not one of those stupid guns has got up and shot anyone. They are so stupid that I have to pick them up, carefully aim at a target and pull the trigger myself to put holes in the targets at the range!
On a side note my guns are all retarded... I have kept them loaded and placed in plain view of passers by and not one of those stupid guns has got up and shot anyone. They are so stupid that I have to pick them up, carefully aim at a target and pull the trigger myself to put holes in the targets at the range!
Why did the rooster go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket, with a side of fries.
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket, with a side of fries.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the possum and armadillo it could be done.
Why did he come back?
the skunk was late getting there.
To show the possum and armadillo it could be done.
Why did he come back?
the skunk was late getting there.
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