Weed flashback.
Much like after seeing Ozzy and Ron Halford do a duet for crazy train.
Much like after seeing Ozzy and Ron Halford do a duet for crazy train.
Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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Little Feat. I am impressed. Good band. Lowell George was a really good singer that died way too young.
True story, I was with a buddy once when he got a call from his wife about their car.
She actually said "I think there is a light flashing by the motor"
I guess I should leave out the part where this woman is actually related to me...
View attachment 76216
Been there, done that. The radiator hoses will put it out when they melt.
Jim
@Terri9630 I was stopping at a gas station outside Bakersfield. There was a car ahead of me that also stopped. When I got out smoke was roiling from underneath that car. I grabbed my fire extinguisher and ran over just as the guy popped the hood, flames shot upwards.
I pulled the pin and put out the fire. Then the guy starts screaming at me about all the "white stuff" on his engine. He was angry and literally chasing me around the pumps when the cops got there. Within a minute he was a back seat passenger in cuffs. He had turned his anger with me on the cops... This guy was batting 1000, dummy!
The cops and the firemen thanked me, said the pumps may have gone up in flames. Who knows? What I still don't get is that guy's reaction to my keeping his car from burning to the axles. He was just nuts!
I pulled the pin and put out the fire. Then the guy starts screaming at me about all the "white stuff" on his engine. He was angry and literally chasing me around the pumps when the cops got there. Within a minute he was a back seat passenger in cuffs. He had turned his anger with me on the cops... This guy was batting 1000, dummy!
The cops and the firemen thanked me, said the pumps may have gone up in flames. Who knows? What I still don't get is that guy's reaction to my keeping his car from burning to the axles. He was just nuts!
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My wife was driving down the highway on her way to work. 8 months pregnant at the time. Chevy Blazer (appropriately named, it turned out). She said the temperature gauge was showing hot. Then she started to see/smell a little smoke coming into the passenger compartment. Decided to pull over (smart move!) As she stopped she reported a sound like "Fffwwwooommmpppfff!" Hmm. Best get out of the car. Grabbed her cellphone, which at that time was one of those original handhelds - the Motorola "Brick Phone". Moments after stopping she saw fire starting to peek out around the front tire. A van had pulled off the exit ramp right behind her, and stopped when it appeared she might need some help. Of all things, it happened to be a fire extinguisher salesman with a van full of product. I think he was in Heaven after he saw what was happening. He was knowledgeable enough not to flip open the hood and give even more oxygen to the fire. He opened it enough to where the secondary safety latch caught it. That gave him enough room to sneak in his fire extinguisher hose and spray things down. He couldn't get it completely out, and pretty quickly the fire department arrived (thank you Motorola Brick Phone!) The fire broke through into the passenger compartment before they finally got it all out.
After the fire department had gotten the car out, they asked my wife what it used to be. Chevy Blazer. They wrote it down, and then left. A nice policeman eventually gave my wife a ride to her work and I picked her up later.
This was on Sunday, and my wife had to call a tow company to get the burned wreckage off the highway exit ramp. Recently we had been having problems with our Chevy dealership - bad repairs, charging for unnecessary work, slimy mechanic crap like that. So my wife told the tow truck driver to take it to our Chevy dealership and drop it right in front of their front door, so they could move it around to the repair department on Monday (like a smoldering hunk of metal is repairable!) And that wonderful tow truck driver did exactly that! Around here, car dealerships are closed on Sundays, and that's when all the customers go looking if they don't want to be immediately accosted by a salesman. Our Blazer was a proud addition to their storefront for a large part of Sunday, for all those shoppers to admire, until the dealer got it moved (it was gone by Monday morning, but I don't know exactly when they found and moved it).
That vehicle had been a mess since day one. Lots of problems. We had nicknamed it "The Antichrist" (name stolen from the vehicle in the old movie "The God's Must Be Crazy").
After the fire department had gotten the car out, they asked my wife what it used to be. Chevy Blazer. They wrote it down, and then left. A nice policeman eventually gave my wife a ride to her work and I picked her up later.
This was on Sunday, and my wife had to call a tow company to get the burned wreckage off the highway exit ramp. Recently we had been having problems with our Chevy dealership - bad repairs, charging for unnecessary work, slimy mechanic crap like that. So my wife told the tow truck driver to take it to our Chevy dealership and drop it right in front of their front door, so they could move it around to the repair department on Monday (like a smoldering hunk of metal is repairable!) And that wonderful tow truck driver did exactly that! Around here, car dealerships are closed on Sundays, and that's when all the customers go looking if they don't want to be immediately accosted by a salesman. Our Blazer was a proud addition to their storefront for a large part of Sunday, for all those shoppers to admire, until the dealer got it moved (it was gone by Monday morning, but I don't know exactly when they found and moved it).
That vehicle had been a mess since day one. Lots of problems. We had nicknamed it "The Antichrist" (name stolen from the vehicle in the old movie "The God's Must Be Crazy").
THINGS I LEARNED LIVING IN THE SOUTH
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.
2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.
3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.
4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.
5. Onced and Twiced are words.
6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!
7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom?
8. People actually grow, eat and like okra.
9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something.
10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.
11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.
12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.
13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'
14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.
15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.
16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural.
17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.
18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.
19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.
20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.
21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr (first name)
22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
23. You know what a hissy fit is..
24. Fried catfish is the other white meat.
25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!
26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH.
AND one more:
27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done!
16 is wrong!! YA'LL'S is the plural of ya'll!! I remember the first time I heard that, I was 20 years old and just moved to Texas, thought I was going to have to move again!! Got worse when I heard the word "FLOWERDY" to describe something with flowers on it!! It's REALLY bad when I catch myself using such language
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Also,# 19. is wrong we use cinn-a-mon & sea salt, honey & molasses, too.
Is jalapeno a spice
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Yes, like Chow chow & garlic & herbs fall in there some where.Is jalapeno a spice
I said fixinto once and the girls in the X-ray department laughed hard.
I told them I had forgot they was backwards so I splaned it to em sloooowly.
Northern city girls are funny.
I told them I had forgot they was backwards so I splaned it to em sloooowly.
Northern city girls are funny.
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Kroger sale crushed red pepper as a spice.
Red pepper is a fruit of the vine & a vegetable in the kitchen, but dried & crushed it is a spice.
Coriander seeds are a spice, but the leaves are a herb called Cilantro or Chinese Parsley.
Red pepper is a fruit of the vine & a vegetable in the kitchen, but dried & crushed it is a spice.
Coriander seeds are a spice, but the leaves are a herb called Cilantro or Chinese Parsley.
It be worth a bottle of good scotch just to hear this story first hand, as long as he didn't need help with his bandages. 
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Can you imagine the people watching him walking into the ER!It be worth a bottle of good scotch just to hear this story first hand, as long as he didn't need help with his bandages.
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"Buddy, you look like you really got forked!"
"Man! that looks like a real PITA!"
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To add insult to injury, that picture was taken by the local TV station.
