Jim
Jokes and Humor
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Jim
After the last 2 days! I usually get my last frost of the year during the 1st week of April, it ain't over yet!
Spring time in the Burbs!
They call a lot of stuff bisquits. Sounds like they're saying "biskits", but they got that wrong too. And somehow, we are still supposed to spell biskits their way.
I still have mine! My son played with it. It has been passed on to his kids.
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- Dec 13, 2017
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THE CYNICAL PHILOSOPHER
SOME OF THESE HAVE BEEN AROUND BUT THEY ARE STILL FUNNY
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
Money talks ...but all mine ever says is good-bye.
You're not fat, you're just... easier to see.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”
I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.
Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it's your birthday, your life sucks!
The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something.
On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single.
The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
I bet he dont go camping again
American Car Party Tricks 1963-1972
I want to know how to sharpen a squirrel.
I went into the cattle area of my trailer for the first time in a month today. There was a mouse in that exact position. it was trying to come out of a dime size hole and its hips were stuck but it was hanging to far above the divider to push itself back in.
Hubby did the same thing when he lived in El Paso back in the late 80's.
Anyone want to know the secret ingredient of store pies?
Mmmmmm, a finger will make that pie super special.
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I remember them well!
