Not to know is bad; not to wish to know is worse.
~African Proverb
~African Proverb
qoute for tha day
- Thread starter jimLE
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
I'm sure you've heard the saying, "Be careful of what you wish for". Man I get burned every time on that. I think it's stunted my growth.
We are all in the gutter,
but some of us are looking at the stars.
~Oscar Wilde~
but some of us are looking at the stars.
~Oscar Wilde~
You can't polish a turd.
Charles Barkley
Charles Barkley
Ivory bar soap floating was a mistake. They had been overmixing the soap formula causing excess air bubbles that made it float. Customers wrote and told how much they loved that it floated, and it has floated ever since.
Now Jim my question is.....how would one make a connection with a terd and floating soap ...hmmmmm
the soap now has a shade of brown it didnt have to begin with..
Uuugh ....that's what I was scared of
Why does belly button lint not match your shirt color?
You guys crack me up.
Women and Cats
I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep.
In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power.
~~~Lao Tzu
~~~Lao Tzu
The teacher asked Little cajun: "How can you prove the earth is round?"
Little cajun replied: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."
Little cajun replied: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."
So ...you got any more jokes Texan.......HA HA HA
If you want to be good , know what your capable of......but if you want to be great , know what your incapable of
lmao..thought you might like it cajun.and no i couldnt resist...lol
It's Not What You Look At That Matters as much as What You See..
The most important thing i've learned over the years was that there was no way to be a perfect parent and a million ways to be a good one.
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.
Illiterate?
============
The man who does not read
has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
~Mark Twain~
============
The man who does not read
has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
~Mark Twain~
I wasfeeling alittle nosey,so I thought I
would look in on youand seeif you're sitting
at your computer and if you're OK.
Yup, there you are and you look great!
Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you.
Contraband
===========
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest
military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air
Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in
disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "Do all these children and this
luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh, "they're all mine."
The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have
any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items,
I would have used them by now."
===========
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest
military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air
Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me - all under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in
disbelief, "Ma'am," he said, "Do all these children and this
luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh, "they're all mine."
The customs agent began his interrogation: "Ma'am, do you have
any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items,
I would have used them by now."
Why do we buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Philosophy & Mathematics
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules.
Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.
Things Adults Learn From Kids:
- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house - they will find a way to get in
- A 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Snoopy underwear and a Superman cape.
- It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it’s already too late.
- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.
- Ditto Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jello.
- VCR’s do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
- It will however make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.
- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house - they will find a way to get in
- A 4 years-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Snoopy underwear and a Superman cape.
- It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it’s already too late.
- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.
- Ditto Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jello.
- VCR’s do not eject sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
- It will however make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- Quiet does not necessarily mean don’t worry.
- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
Doctors vs. Guns
Doctors:
The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000
Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
Guns:
The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000
The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500
The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of F.B.I.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."
FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat immediatly. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Note: Out of concern for the public at large, the statistics on lawyers have been withheld for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention
Doctors:
The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000
Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000
Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
Guns:
The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000
The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500
The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of F.B.I.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."
FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat immediatly. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Note: Out of concern for the public at large, the statistics on lawyers have been withheld for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention
Break the Worry Habit
======================
You'll break the worry habit
the day you decide
you can meet and master
the worst that can happen to you.
~Arnold Glasow~
======================
You'll break the worry habit
the day you decide
you can meet and master
the worst that can happen to you.
~Arnold Glasow~
Everything is possible. The impossible just takes longer.”
― Dan Brown,
― Dan Brown,
