The Ladies

[d_marsh]

nothing wrong with being a private type of person . but sounds like she is looking for thinking she has true love.

if you want to keep the relationship but feel like you need more space-time alone, explain that to her. you got an office or porch or some space you can go to, your cave of quiet?
im not making fun, im alot like that. not much of a people person and need my alone time.

were all broken inside somewhere to some degree. men and women have some differetn broken parts and some similar. the ticket to a good relationshipo is explaing whats important and you need to be jhappy. . and also, sometimes when we get love we get scared. were afraid it is real, love has a price tag in that it takes thought and action to keep ut alive and sometimes we set up barriers to not get hurt again.

just all goes back to-does she make you happy, no hints of dishonesty or using you, and can you talk with her to explain whats on your mind.




r tell her you are like that and its not her fualkt

She generally works evenings, four 10 hours shifts a week. I am usually up and at em first thing in the morning while she sleeps until like 11am. So I have lots of time to myself. Usually in my gun room or on the patio or I just leave.

Broken and barrier heavy is probably what they will put on my grave stone. Watching your maternal birth canal leave as a little kid because having a family was just too much work for her will do that to you.

 

[Amish Heart]

Is your life better with the lady or without her?

 

[jazzy]

sorry for that hurt, things in life scar us. some heal up easier than others.

sometimes one of the hardest lessons in life is learning to undo the harm others have done to us so we dont repeat the same to others.

you deserve love and happiuness
so does she.
hope you can find it together

try this. its alwasy helped me when i needed to figure something out

get a notebook
make 2 columns---pro and con
write down everything you like about having her there with you and everything you like about her

the write down all the things that make you uncomfortable

now compare and think on them

now start a new page and write to yourself what youd like to change, make better or quit doing
this helps put things in order you can see the whole icture


then think about talking with her and letting her know what you are struggling with. also--write it all down Before you talk so you can cover the major points

praying for ya

 

[Caribou]

Laugh all you want boys, ,...

no use crying.

 

[Snowman]

Every year in May or June. Psych, Poly, PT - pass or find a new career. Every year the brain doc says basically the same things: I am aggressive but not so much so as to cause them concern, I am emotionally unavailable, I am not trusting of others, I work well within an established hierarchy, I am capable of being highly focused, I am able to endure conditions others would consider harsh, blah bah blah.

So She has been around before You had Your Eval...?!?

 

[Caribou]

I don’t believe that she can open a life insurance policy without your consent. Check with your insurance agent or an attorney, laws may vary in States.

Check on the time requirements for common law marriage in your State. You had better make up your mind well before that.

I got tired of the bachelor life, that may be why you let her stay. I was 45 when I married the first time. We dated off and on for 13 years before we married. There was probably a good reason I delayed that long. I probably chose the wrong door to exit bachelorhood. There is always a right door so you decide. My brother married two gold diggers. If you are worried about that then the prenuptial agreement mentioned earlier might be the way to go. Letting her pay for half the food, utilities, and other monthly expenses doesn’t tie her into your assets like letting her pay half the mortgage does.

If a chance comes up to travel and work TDY away for a month, take it and see how you feel away from her.

 

[viking]

Good grief, I should have had your problem when I was young and single, considering that what few women friends I had were few and very far between, on the other hand I finally got married at 31 years of age, which really concerned me after seeing friends getting married after 30 years of age and having a rough go at being married, anyway we've been married for just over 50 years now and we're still together which is all good.

 

[d_marsh]

I don’t believe that she can open a life insurance policy without your consent. Check with your insurance agent or an attorney, laws may vary in States.

Check on the time requirements for common law marriage in your State. You had better make up your mind well before that.

I got tired of the bachelor life, that may be why you let her stay. I was 45 when I married the first time. We dated off and on for 13 years before we married. There was probably a good reason I delayed that long. I probably chose the wrong door to exit bachelorhood. There is always a right door so you decide. My brother married two gold diggers. If you are worried about that then the prenuptial agreement mentioned earlier might be the way to go. Letting her pay for half the food, utilities, and other monthly expenses doesn’t tie her into your assets like letting her pay half the mortgage does.

If a chance comes up to travel and work TDY away for a month, take it and see how you feel away from her.

I will be gone for 8-10 days in July, not a month but over a week. I will be on foreign soil and the job is high risk high reward. She doesn't seem too happy about it but hasn't asked me not to go or something.

 

[elkhound]

Lawyers, Guns and Money​

Song by​

Warren Zevon
I went home with the waitress, the way I always do
How was I to know, she was with the Russians, too?
I was gambling in Havana, I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns and money, dad, get me out of this, ha
I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck between the rock and a hard place
And I'm down on my luck, yes I'm down on my luck
Well, I'm down on my luck
And I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns, and money
The **** has hit the fan
Alright, send lawyers, guns, and money
Huh, yeah
Send lawyers, guns, and money
Uh
Send lawyers, guns, and money
Hey
Send lawyers, guns, and money
Oo, yeah
Yeah
Yeah

 

[elkhound]

@d_marsh ROFLMAO...forgive me brother..i heard this song and thought of you and had to post it...lol

 

[Caribou]

I will be gone for 8-10 days in July, not a month but over a week. I will be on foreign soil and the job is high risk high reward. She doesn't seem too happy about it but hasn't asked me not to go or something.

You have a heck of a big decision to make. All the data you can come up with will help you make the right one, for you. I look back and regret a couple that I let go. I don’t need to tell you this but you are facing two risks, getting the wrong one and letting the right one go.

 

[Hooch]

Alot to consider here..
If you honestly... 100% ..don't want marriage or children ...
It sounds like you two need to have a talk.

From what you describe of your past experiences..it doesn't sound like you have needed to employ clear boundries before.

From what you describe of her behaviors to inch herself into your life ...

She sounds like either she believes you will change your mind over time to make a permanent full on committed relationship

After all..look how much ground she has gained..

Maybe she is right...maybe she is wrong..

If she is wrong ..she might think getting pregnant will change your mind...and now
The oh no moment..

She has your info..probably all of the important stuff..all of it.

I think if she expressed she doesn't 100% want marriage or children either.. and you trust and believe her..enjoy what you both have, and have a very clear conversation about boundries wants and needs.

Otherwise..she is living out a fantasy relationship setting herself up to push a permanent committed relationship onto you and when it comes crashing down...

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..

And now her sister n mom probably have your info too..

 

[elkhound]

things to look at positively..for real...she was a cop...now a dispatcher...has dual citizenship...shes has got her stuff together to get those two things ...cooks and cleans and more...bought a bed and dresser with her money ....wants to pay half.....all is very good....lastly...good looking and everyone knows it and she could pick anyone..sorta kinda maybe...ya get what i am saying...she has picked you,theres something about you she likes to pick you over the crowd out in the world.

 

[Snowman]

What the Heck is SawIt...?!?

 

[Hooch]

And I don't intend to sound like such a downer..but the red flags seem to be flying high..
A strong independent woman wouldn't move in with a man who has stated he isn't interested in marriage or a committed steady.

Might be a fun reliable date when she needs a night out or steamy romp on occasion..
But.. she wouldn't put much effort into a dead end relationship..

friends with bennies = can be fun good times if you can leave your heart out of it. Sex complicates the heartstrings part for us gals most of the time , and over time. It is hard to not develope feelings with someone your being intimate with. I think it's just wired into our being.

If a guy says he is just interested in fun..a wise woman believes it.

Independent woman understand boundries because she doesn't like hers being pushed..she will respect others in return and not be delusional in regards to her status with someone.
She will keep herself in check and if it starts becoming difficult to turn off the feels..she will not set herself up to a heartbreak.
That said, doesn't mean that status on either side can't evolve and change ..but it does require very clear reality checks along the way.

 

[elkhound]

What the Heck is SawIt...?!?

Saw it...as in seen it..or read it...i think...lol

 

[Hooch]

things to look at positively..for real...she was a cop...now a dispatcher...has dual citizenship...shes has got her stuff together to get those two things ...cooks and cleans and more...bought a bed and dresser with her money ....wants to pay half.....all is very good....lastly...good looking and everyone knows it and she could pick anyone..sorta kinda maybe...ya get what i am saying...she has picked you,theres something about you she likes to pick you over the crowd out in the world.

When a woman can have the pick of the litter 9 out of 10 times because she has the beauty, brains and career going well for her to be able to cherry pick the boys...there is not much challange to getting the 9 out of the 10 guys available.
That kind of woman will want the type of that one kind of guy out of 10 that blows her off and challenges every fiber of her being to secure the heart (and seamen)of that kind of guy.
Just a guess..

 

[elkhound]

When a woman can have the pick of the litter 9 out of 10 times because she has the beauty, brains and career going well for her to be able to cherry pick the boys...there is not much challange to getting the 9 out of the 10 guys available.
That kind of woman will want the type of that one kind of guy out of 10 that blows her off and challenges every fiber of her being to secure the heart (and seamen)of that kind of guy.
Just a guess..

exactly...you read his posts about her....in some thread i posted a reply he had put down the challenge and gauntlet for her now and couldnt keep her away...or something like that...i slept since i posted it now...lol...shes wants the gold medal...if she secures this man he wouldnt leave her in a million zillion years !..my opinion

 

[Amish Heart]

Do you have a security clearance? Did you let them know she lives with you? Did she come up as a risk?
That song posted got me thinking

 

[Hooch]

exactly...you read his posts about her....in some thread i posted a reply he had put down the challenge and gauntlet for her now and couldnt keep her away...or something like that...i slept since i posted it now...lol...shes wants the gold medal...if she secures this man he wouldnt leave her in a million zillion years !..my opinion

Yep..going for the gold .
Can't fault her for that..and yes I read the thread.

 

[Supervisor42]

And I don't intend to sound like such a downer..but the red flags seem to be flying high..
A strong independent woman wouldn't move in with a man who has stated he isn't interested in marriage or a committed steady.

If she ever reads his posts, he's gonna be toast!

 

[elkhound]

If she ever reads his posts, he's gonna be toast!

she will just try harder !!

 

[elkhound]

by the way...my disclaimer...anything i posted in this thread or anywhere on this forum about her and you is just an opinion and its not advice of any kind and is for entertainment purposes only and you or anyone should seek legal and professional help....always !

 

[Pearl]

If she ever reads his posts, he's gonna be toast!

She already does!!

 

[Pearl]

She's in it to win it.... What's so special about him?

 

[Caribou]

She already does!!

It’s not reading she does with his post.

 

[d_marsh]

Holy cow, lots of posts. I will try and respond to the expressed thoughts and opinions.

What's so special about me? Have you seen me? But seriously I have no idea. I am pretty loud on this forum but in real life I am not very talkative. I like to believe I am dangerous and fearless to a fault, maybe she likes that. I am not wealthy enough to be wealthy and I am not poor enough to be poor. I am painfully honest, always speak my mind, and ******* hate liars. I am also transparent, so yes she could read this post or any post. She can look at my phone. She can track the GPS locater in my car and my phone. None of that concerns me in the least.

She on the other hand has what I am now calling "hot repellant". Sure the weirdos and dogs love to make crude comments and drop sexual innuendos at her, but "normal guys" don't approach her at all. She has no idea why, but I think it's because they think she is out of her league so there is no point. She is that girl who didn't go to prom because no one asked her and then everyone was shocked that she wasn't there and didn't win prom queen. Not really, that's just an analogy. She has been in a couple serious relationship but neither worked one. One cheated on her and the other was more concerned about his career than their relationship. In hindsight she considers them both "dogs".

She knows for a fact I don't want kids. So much so I went in and got the big snip-snip in my 20's. Two joyous decades of knowing for a fact that I don't have any kids out there who will never know who donated seed to their mom.

I am a contractor. I have restricted access clearance and have signed a whole stack of NDA's, but as long as I pass my poly, psych and PT and stay out of prison they don't seem to care what I do or who I do it too. I am sure they are monitoring me to some extent all the time. If they became concerned I would be called in for another poly without delay. Or maybe I would just have some kind of "accident" and small funeral.

 

[teeceetx]

Late 2022, so like a year and a half ago. This is by far the longest "relationship" I have been in at roughly 18 months. The record before that was a flight attendant that I was with for like 3 days on a layover and we only left let her hotel room two or three times. Nor did I ever see her again after we went our separate ways. I don't even think I knew her last name.

I have visions of Charlie Harper when reading your posts!!!! lolol

 

[Snowman]

She's a "Plant" and She's Growing on/in You...!!!

 

[Magpie]

You mentioned you are heading away - could you let us know when you are leaving, so none of us send a search party