Humor Check
- Thread starter Mountain*Heart
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I would like to volunteer to inject these new microchips into terrorists ! seems like a great and useful invention!
You hve to be British and a fan of TOP GEAR to get this fromJezzer on Twitter 
Jeremy Clarkson ✔ @JeremyClarkson Follow
Top Gear is being broadcast simultaneously round the civilised world tonight. It's on in America tomorrow.
5:33 PM - 25 Jan 2015
Jeremy Clarkson ✔ @JeremyClarkson Follow
Top Gear is being broadcast simultaneously round the civilised world tonight. It's on in America tomorrow.
5:33 PM - 25 Jan 2015
i'm gonna make out a new will.in which this will be added..
i want to be stuffed and made up like the grim reaper where i have a scythe in one hand.and the other hand extended out flipping the bird when i die.then stood outside of the white house facing the oval office
i want to be stuffed and made up like the grim reaper where i have a scythe in one hand.and the other hand extended out flipping the bird when i die.then stood outside of the white house facing the oval office
T
The image wouldn't load for me!
T
The image wouldn't load for me!
it's a pic of a coffee mug,and on it ,is these words..
instead of a sign that says 'do not disturb'
i need one that says
'already' disturbed,proceed with caution
instead of a sign that says 'do not disturb'
i need one that says
'already' disturbed,proceed with caution
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- Sep 7, 2013
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Looks like a gmail attachment, so we would have to log into your gmail account to be able to see it.
hope this works
As far as i can see, the only difference between the primates in that video is that one of em is naked....
The Best Diary Entry Ever. Who Said Living In Texas Was Easy?
Dear Diary:
June 1st:
Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 7th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an Air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
June 14th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
June 21st:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
June 28th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ole sun in a climate like this.
July 1st:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and ****s. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ole Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 3rd:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 7th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
July 10th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
July 13th:
If another wisea** cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
July 14th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass... Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
July 15th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do s*** for over a damn month and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
July 22nd:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
Dear Diary:
June 1st:
Just moved to Texas! Now this is a state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 7th:
Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an Air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.
June 14th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
June 21st:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.
June 28th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ole sun in a climate like this.
July 1st:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and ****s. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ole Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 3rd:
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 7th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
July 10th:
It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.
July 13th:
If another wisea** cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
July 14th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass... Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
July 15th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do s*** for over a damn month and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.
July 22nd:
Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Texas. What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here?? Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
LMAO! Jim, that was for a laugh long over due! Oh my, I can almost relate being from the Sunshine state but best of all is during my trucking days and being in Eagle Pass, TX or Yuma, AZ.....HOT!!!!!
Good news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This new "Assault Shovel" is legal in California AND New York!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummmmmmmm, no thanks?
I'm gonna go to hell for this one. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
" Let's see now, fire truck, CHECK, yellow safety vest, CHECK, hose connected, CHECK, water pressure stable,CHECK, Hose protectors installed correctly, CHECK.
OK then, all set!
OK then, all set!
Soon to be banned after you posted it. [emoji1]
The Assault shovel is a fork, they will be banned in CA and NY
English rain stops pub from opening NEVER
Looking after tiddles
Big Bang Babes
Forum Mods
Looking after tiddles
Big Bang Babes
Forum Mods
Have you got the telephone number for the company that makes those cat carriers, need a few extra large ones, need to carry around a few humans on this side. [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23] [emoji23]English rain stops pub from opening NEVER
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Looking after tiddles
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Big Bang Babes
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Not just pigs though don't matter given that other animals used are not slaughtered in the name of allah making it forbidden. So the statement below still stands, besides, how would they know what animals were used?
