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Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
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That one made me laugh out loud!
On topic: What is the worst time to have a dental appointment?...
"Tooth-hurtey".
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Thought this was funny!
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When were you at my house???
Dont ask, Dont tell
Lol. I know this plumber!!!!!!
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The laws of motorcycling
Counter Steering:
If you push the left bar, the bike goes left.
If you push the right bar, the bike goes right.
That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar
all the way, then you will probably go left
while the bike swaps ends.
Crashing:
Remember riding isn't inherently dangerous...
crashing is.
Fuel:
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when
you're on fire.
The Rear Wheel:
The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt...
watch. When it locks up or slides out you can
actually see the rider start sweating and pucker marks appear on the seat.
Rides:
A 'good' ride is one you can walk away from.
A 'great' ride is one you can walk away from and use the bike again.
Getting Hit:
They can't hit you if you're not there.
Mistakes:
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't
live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Traction:
When traction is sparse, the probability of
survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability
of survival and vice versa.
Your Brain:
Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't go five seconds earlier.
Fog:
Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you
think is another rider ahead that you can catch,
might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.
Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park the bike equal to the number of times you've ridden it.
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty
bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag
of experience before you empty the bag of luck
Mirrors:
If all you can see in your mirrors is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks, things are not at all as they should be. See also: Going forward.
Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and plastic going dozens of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, trucks, walls and most animals.
Judgment:
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.
Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the headlight end going forward as much as possible.
Looking:
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
Laws:
Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just good ideas. They're laws not subject to repeal.
Counter Steering:
If you push the left bar, the bike goes left.
If you push the right bar, the bike goes right.
That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar
all the way, then you will probably go left
while the bike swaps ends.
Crashing:
Remember riding isn't inherently dangerous...
crashing is.
Fuel:
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when
you're on fire.
The Rear Wheel:
The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt...
watch. When it locks up or slides out you can
actually see the rider start sweating and pucker marks appear on the seat.
Rides:
A 'good' ride is one you can walk away from.
A 'great' ride is one you can walk away from and use the bike again.
Getting Hit:
They can't hit you if you're not there.
Mistakes:
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't
live long enough to make all of them yourself.
Traction:
When traction is sparse, the probability of
survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability
of survival and vice versa.
Your Brain:
Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your brain didn't go five seconds earlier.
Fog:
Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you
think is another rider ahead that you can catch,
might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.
Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park the bike equal to the number of times you've ridden it.
Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty
bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag
of experience before you empty the bag of luck
Mirrors:
If all you can see in your mirrors is the direction you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks, things are not at all as they should be. See also: Going forward.
Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal, rubber and plastic going dozens of miles per hour, and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, trucks, walls and most animals.
Judgment:
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, experience usually comes from bad judgment.
Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the headlight end going forward as much as possible.
Looking:
Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.
Laws:
Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just good ideas. They're laws not subject to repeal.
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