Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
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@jazzy telling Dad jokes.
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What's the problem? Looks fine to me.
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This looks like a good spot to post a link
Lol. My suit was baby blue also
Jazzy I got stuff that is sore that I did not know existed.
And a little advice. After you turn 65
A fart might not be a fart, proceed cautiously
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Football Humor
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football "...
– John Heisman, first football coach at Rice
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!"
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat.
That costs money, and we don't have any."
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
- Lou Holtz / Arkansas - Notre Dame
"When you win, nothing hurts."
- Joe Namath / Alabama
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation, I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
- Bob Devaney / Nebraska
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
- Wally Butts / Georgia
"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms- Truman's and Eisenhower's"
-Alex Karas / Iowa
"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor."
- Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me "
He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good"
- Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State/Dallas Cowboys
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
- Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
" If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
- Murray Warmath / Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb.
To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."
- John McKay / USC
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players:
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
Why do Auburn fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
What do you get when you put 32 Kentucky cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road
How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football "...
– John Heisman, first football coach at Rice
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
– Bear Bryant / Alabama
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!"
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat.
That costs money, and we don't have any."
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
- Lou Holtz / Arkansas - Notre Dame
"When you win, nothing hurts."
- Joe Namath / Alabama
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation, I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
- Bob Devaney / Nebraska
"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
- Wally Butts / Georgia
"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms- Truman's and Eisenhower's"
-Alex Karas / Iowa
"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor."
- Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me "
He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good"
- Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State/Dallas Cowboys
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
- Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
" If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
- Murray Warmath / Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb.
To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."
- John McKay / USC
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players:
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
Why do Auburn fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"
How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
What do you get when you put 32 Kentucky cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road
How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
...And never fart when you cough or sneeze.
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Uh, not gonna play. Bye Bye, NOT posted in an adults only place.
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