Jokes and Humor

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Bacpacker]

View attachment 36621

Best idea I've heard in a while.

 

[Sentry18]

Best idea I've heard in a while.

I once bought a windbreaker that said POLICIA for when I found drunk passed out people in crappy parts of town. I would throw it on and speak Spanish as I woke them up. Then in broken English I would tell them they were in Tijuana. My boss at the time was not amused.

 

[Bacpacker]

Why not. THAT IS AWESOME

 

[Sentry18]

Why not. THAT IS AWESOME

That was when community oriented policing was becoming a thing. We were supposed to be kinder and gentler.

 

[Bacpacker]

Well you weren't beating the crap outta the drunks. That seems much nicer to me!

 

[dademoss]

 

[LadyLocust]

Cows tip people too! In high school I worked at a cotton gin. Right behind the gin was a pasture. A big exhaust vent/pipe out of the gin blew bits of leaves/weeds and cotton lint into the pasture along with 1000’s of cubic ft of heated air.

One night I had to go to the only bathroom which was the woods in that pasture. In the darkness I stepped across what I thought was a big pile of cotton lint… It was a cow sleeping on the ground covered in lint. The cow got up and ran with me facing backwards… That was the longest 4 seconds of my life! At least I landed in cotton lint and missed all the cow pies…

Ah, but did you still need to go to the bathroom afterwards?

 

[Amish Heart]

CNN had a psychological explanation on why people are buying toilet paper. It was really retarded.
Personally, I'd rather buy food and ammo.

 

[RidgeRunner]

Stock Market Data report from yesterday:
Helium was up, but feathers were down. Paper was stationary, but pencils lost a few points. Lifts rose but escalators continued their slow decline. Switches were off and mining equipment hit rock bottom. The raisin Market has dried up. Pampers remained unchanged while Sun peaked at mid-day and Charmin tissues touched a new bottom.

 

[Haertig]

Two of my favorite true-isms:

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up."

and

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]

 

[phideaux]

He'll find out when he drops an adjustable on his toe.....

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Mean , but funny

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Are people really that Stoopid ?

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Cnsper]

View attachment 36792
Are people really that Stoopid ?

Jim

Yes they are

 

[Caribou]

View attachment 36792
Are people really that Stoopid ?

Jim

We own a marina and the State has a public ramp right next to us. The guy backs his boat down and launches it. He yells at his wife to park the trailer in the parking lot. He hadn't unhooked the cable from the bow. Here goes the wife in the fancy truck, with the trailer right behind, and the boat dragging behind the trailer. He's yelling at her for being so stupid. Yes they are that stupid, and then some.

 

[zannej]

View attachment 36620

I tried to explain to a 21-yr old girl what dialup internet and dot matrix printers sounded like. I found the sound files on youtube but they did not quite do justice to the extended period of time it made the whining sound & it wasn't as loud & high pitched as the real things.

That was when community oriented policing was becoming a thing. We were supposed to be kinder and gentler.

Meant to quote the one about telling drunks they were in Mexico. LOL. My dad was in the Border Patrol after he finished with the Army. He learned to speak Spanish fluently and could do a Mexican accent well enough to fool the immigrants. He'd hide and see them jump off a train, he'd then call them over in Spanish to come hide with him & they would rush over, then he'd catch them. Sometimes he'd just sneak up on groups of them hiding, jump out of the bushes & yell "BOO!" and make them piss themselves.

 

[Cnsper]

We own a marina and the State has a public ramp right next to us. The guy backs his boat down and launches it. He yells at his wife to park the trailer in the parking lot. He hadn't unhooked the cable from the bow. Here goes the wife in the fancy truck, with the trailer right behind, and the boat dragging behind the trailer. He's yelling at her for being so stupid. Yes they are that stupid, and then some.

Lol... The best cheap entertainment in the world. A lawn chair and beer then head to the boat ramp.

Forgetting to remove the tie downs from the back of the boat. They can get a bow pretty high of the trailer.

Removing the bow winch line from the boat while it is on the trailer, backing down the ramp and your buddy says something you couldn't hear so you hit the brakes. Now the boat is sitting on the ramp about 6 feet from the water.

And then just watching people attempt to back a trailer.

 

[Bacpacker]

Best boat ramp story I have. Wife and I had been out fishing and was heading back to the ramp to load up. 2 guys and a woman come flying by us in a no wake zone. They run up to the bank and one of the guys stumbles out of the boat to get the car. The other 2 takes the boat back out in the lake to wait. I told the wife, we'll just idle here for a while and watch this. Guy baby is the trailer down with an old station wagon, took multiple tries to get in the water. Boat guy takes off toward the trailer and never let off the gas. Went over the trailer and right into the back of the car. Woman almost came out of the boat.
I went and got the truck loaded up and left. They were falling down drunk and ouldnt decide how to move the boat back.
We laugh about that 30 years later

 

[Sentry18]

 

[Sentry18]