Jokes and Humor

[Caribou]

12 Commandments for growing older

#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.

#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.

#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.

#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.

#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

#6 - "On time" is when you get there.

#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.

#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.

#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.

#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.

#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.

And one more:

"One for the road" means peeing before you leave your home.

 

[Meerkat]

I gotta do this...

Jim

That kind of BS in this stressed out world could get him in trouble.

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Cnsper]

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Cnsper]

 

[Bacpacker]

Gotta love Ole Foghorn

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[dademoss]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild
“Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-” so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final “Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!” and rode off.

“Why was that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant.

“I don’t know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn’t fall off,” the woman answered.

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians don’t use saddles.”

 

[dademoss]

 

[backlash]

View attachment 48242
Jim

I tell my wife that sign is just a suggestion. However, if there is a cop around I take that suggestion very seriously.

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Cnsper]

 

[dademoss]

 

[phideaux]

This gal cracked me up a praying...


Jim

 

[Supervisor42]

This gal cracked me up a praying...


Jim

My lovely wife who taught children for 40 years, and did not kill a single one, could appreciate that.
I'd show it to her, but I'm not sure I could survive the resulting lecture.

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Peanut]

50 shades of brass

 

[Peanut]

Murder Hornets didn't stop us.
Kung Flu didn't either

Polar Chickens? Maybe! I guess now we know how polar bears taste.