Jokes and Humor

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[zoomzoom]

 

[Mr.Meer]

 

[Caribou]

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO KROGER'S

Yesterday I was at my local Kroger's buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think...I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Kroger's won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

 

[Bacpacker]

Now I know what I'm gonna do when I retire.

 

[Neb]

A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO KROGER'S

Yesterday I was at my local Kroger's buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think...I had an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Kroger's won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

I was a fan of snappy answers to stupid questions in Mad Magazine as a kid.

Old politically incorrect joke.

Two couples met with a preist in the interest of joining the church, one couple was older and the other young. The priest said obstain from sex for a month and come back.

A month latter they returned and the priest asked them if they had obstained. The older couple said yes and the priest said welcome to the church. He then asked the younger couple and the man said we were OKAY for a long time but when I saw my wife bending over The meat counter I couldn't help myself. Priest said sorry we can't let you in. Guy said that's OK, we're not allowed in Kroeger either.

Ben

 

[dademoss]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[The Lazy L]

This one is for Sentry!

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]