Jokes and Humor

[threetango]

 

[Flight]

 

[Caribou]

>> ED AND LINDA MET ON A SINGLES CRUISE AND ED FELL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR
>> HER.
>
>> WHEN THEY DISCOVERED THEY LIVED IN THE SAME CITY, ONLY A FEW MILES
>> APART, ED WAS ECSTATIC. HE IMMEDIATELY STARTED ASKING HER OUT AFTER
>> THEY GOT HOME. WITHIN A COUPLE OF WEEKS ED HAD TAKEN LINDA TO DANCE
>> CLUBS, RESTAURANTS, CONCERTS, MOVIES, AND MUSEUMS. ED BECAME CONVINCED
>> THAT LINDA WAS INDEED HIS SOUL MATE AND TRUE LOVE.
>
>> EVERY DATE SEEMED BETTER THAN THE LAST. ON THE ONE-MONTH ANNIVERSARY
>> OF THEIR FIRST DINNER ON THE CRUISE SHIP, ED TOOK LINDA TO A FINE
>> RESTAURANT. WHILE HAVING COCKTAILS AND WAITING FOR THEIR SALAD, ED
>> SAID, "I GUESS YOU CAN TELL I'M VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU. I'D LIKE A
>> LITTLE SERIOUS TALK BEFORE OUR RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES. SO, BEFORE I
>> GET A BOX OUT OF MY JACKET AND ASK YOU A LIFE-CHANGING QUESTION, IT'S
>> ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU, I'M A TOTAL GOLF NUT. I PLAY GOLF, I READ
>> ABOUT GOLF, I WATCH GOLF ON TV. IN SHORT, I EAT, SLEEP, AND BREATHE
>> GOLF. IF THAT'S GOING TO BE A PROBLEM FOR US, YOU'D BETTER SAY SO
>> NOW."
>
>> LINDA PAUSED, THEN RESPONDED, "ED, THAT CERTAINLY WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
>> I LOVE YOU AS YOU ARE, AND I LOVE GOLF TOO. BUT, SINCE WE'RE BEING
>> TOTALLY HONEST WITH EACH OTHER, YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT FOR THE LAST
>> FIVE YEARS I'VE BEEN A HOOKER."
>
>> ED PAUSED FOR A WHILE THEN SAID, "IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT
>> KEEPING YOUR WRISTS STRAIGHT WHEN YOU HIT THE BALL."

 

[tiffanysgallery]

 

[Amish Heart]

That'd be me right now. Wanting to be asleep.

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[tiffanysgallery]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[Supervisor42]

View attachment 7780...asks you a question so stupid...

Fortunately it's no longer acceptable to 'jap-slap' someone (racist or prejudiced, can't remember).

But it's a good thing. Just today I was listening to NPR (remember, I do so you don't have to)...
They were on the 'southern border' (can't call it the Mexican border, racist or prejudiced, can't remember) doing an interview.
Swear to God, I heard the NPR guy say, and I quote: "So this big tall wall behind us, that's the Mexico border?".

I'm pounding my head on the steering wheel screaming: "No dumb-ass! That's the security fence for Taco Bell! Heeere's yer sign!".
Yes, they walk among us:bang Head:.

 

[Fundy]

 

[Fundy]

 

[Fundy]

 

[Supervisor42]

Ok, so I had to get a new work flashlight from Walmart.
I need one that's really cheap so if I destroy it, I'm not out a lot of money
And since I work with both hands, it needs to be plastic so I can hold it in my mouth.
Here's my old one:

You can see the teeth-marks in it and it has been dropped about 500 times. Have to get a new one.
Well, Walmart doesn't have a wide selection of cheap ones to choose from anymore.
All of them are $10 - $20.... except one:

Please note that it has a "comfort grip" and boasts "Designed In The USA".

Now I don't know if flashlights are now being designed in San Fransisco or what, butt here is what it looks like:

Please bear in mind, I have to whip this out in front of my buddies and put the rounded end in my mouth.
...maybe the wife won't want to borrow it.

 

[Supervisor42]

Today's funny comes from the latest Sharper Image catalog. They are headquartered in Farmington Hills Michigan.
It's an ad for a RFID protecting wallet to safeguard your personal information.
Well, Dean Harvey Stein of 2715 Bacon Ave. Berkley Michigan thought so much of it,
he included his current Michigan driver's license (good thru 2021) which includes his:
Name, address, date of birth, driver's license number, and photo:

...I guess some people really do need help protecting their personal information:lol:

 

[Fundy]

Ok, so I had to get a new work flashlight from Walmart.
I need one that's really cheap so if I destroy it, I'm not out a lot of money
And since I work with both hands, it needs to be plastic so I can hold it in my mouth.
Here's my old one:
View attachment 7801
You can see the teeth-marks in it and it has been dropped about 500 times. Have to get a new one.
Well, Walmart doesn't have a wide selection of cheap ones to choose from anymore.
All of them are $10 - $20.... except one:
View attachment 7802

Please note that it has a "comfort grip" and boasts "Designed In The USA".

Now I don't know if flashlights are now being designed in San Fransisco or what, butt here is what it looks like:
View attachment 7803
Please bear in mind, I have to whip this out in front of my buddies and put the rounded end in my mouth.
...maybe the wife won't want to borrow it.

Now that's funny. At least it isn't a FleshLight...(look it up). I always wondered, as a young lad, why women's skin cream, hair conditioner, and shampoo bottles were always long, thick, and rounded. Betcha Oprah doesn't cover that topic. :assspank:

 

[Supervisor42]

Now that's funny. At least it isn't a FleshLight...(look it up). I always wondered, as a young lad, why women's skin cream, hair conditioner, and shampoo bottles were always long, thick, and rounded. Betcha Oprah doesn't cover that topic. :assspank:

Oh Oprah knows, it's us guys that aren't supposed to.
I actually know what a fleshlight is. My service admin called it the best birthday present she ever got her husband.
Sometimes it's better not to go asking questions you don't want to hear the answer to.

"Honey I can't find the Flonase, do you know where it is?"

"By the bed"

It's just pure coincidence...

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[SHOOTER13]

Nice Top...!!

 

[threetango]

Happy Birthday Kev (Shooter13)

 

[SHOOTER13]

Thanks Mike !!

I remember Rat Fink Drawings similar to the one above...but not the ^ Fox ^ .

.

 

[threetango]

Thanks Mike !!

I remember Rat Fink Drawings similar to the one above...but not the ^ Fox ^ .

.

Ed(Big Daddy) Roth drew some great CarToons including my Shelby Mustang.

 

[SHOOTER13]

Building that "Big, Beautiful Wall" as we speak...!!

.

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]

 

[threetango]