Jokes and Humor

[dademoss]

https://velvethamster.com/report-dinner-not-going-to-microwave-itself/

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Neb]

View attachment 78836

Reminded me of ...

I asked my son to draw a picture of the rear view of a feline with it's tail raised standing on a pedestal.

I wanted to give it to people that really screwed up.

A cat-ass-trophy

Ben

 

[Neb]

View attachment 78839

Jim

Reminded me an old joke.

"
A helicopter pilot is flying one passenger around Seattle, and suddenly they get fogged in. The GPS isn't working. The pilot sees a big, flashy office building nearby so he goes over and hovers very close to the windows. A crowd gathers inside the building, with workers looking at the chopper.

The pilot takes a big piece of paper and writes, "Where am I?", then presses it against the cockpit glass so the people inside can see it. Some workers squint to read it, then they discuss it, get a piece of paper, write something on it and press it against the glass. It reads, 'You are in a helicopter!'

The pilot gives them a smile and a jaunty salute, turns to a heading of 223 degrees, and heads straight for Boeing Field, where he lands, uneventfully, two minutes later.

"But," says the astonished passenger, "How did you suddenly know where we were?"

"Oh," says the pilot, "As soon as they told me that I knew I was at Microsoft headquarters - because what they told me was technically accurate, yet totally f__king worthless."
"

Ben

 

[VoorTrekker]

Bruce Lee versus two pro table tennis guys, using nunchucks.

https://media.gab.com/system/media_attachments/files/096/262/071/original/083a0118b55e1fab.mp4

When I was in my 20's we would play nunchaku tennis, or use a wall and practice solo nunchaku tennis. It was a felony at that time but we didn't care. Same as regular tennis, but with nunchaku instead of a tennis racket.

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[Sparky_D]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[angie_nrs]

 

[Cascadian]

Isn't that the cash me outside twit?

 

[jazzy]

this is soooo me. im pretty sure ive had a few guardian angels wgho just up and quit over the years. i think my current one gets hazard pay.

 

[phideaux]

I believe that's my SIL...

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Finally figured out my decision making problem.

Wife fusses at me all the time to hold my farts in too long. It works it's way up my spine. to my brain.

So that causes me to have sh!tty ideas.

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[Pearl]

Jim

I have to ask.......Did you fart and scare him?????

 

[Neb]

Jim

While in Spain I learned in short order the word foo-ked

Ben

 

[phideaux]

I'm glad I wasn't drinking coffee when I seen it.

Jim

 

[dademoss]

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[phideaux]

Jim

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[jazzy]

 

[Morgan101]

 

[jazzy]