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So I'm sitting here like an idiot waiting for the page to load.........
A few moments later, realize the page was loaded and I just needed to scroll down. That just made it extra funny. lol!
I feel like such a dork.
Jokes and Humor
- Thread starter phideaux
- Start date
Help Support Homesteading & Country Living Forum:
So I'm sitting here like an idiot waiting for the page to load.........
A few moments later, realize the page was loaded and I just needed to scroll down. That just made it extra funny. lol!
I feel like such a dork.
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Speaking of "Walk with me while I age", I have some thoughts on the subject.
Walking can add minutes to you life. Walk a mile or so everyday. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000.00 a month of your offspring's inheritance.
My grand dad started walking five miles a day. And now we have no idea where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
One reason I would take up walking is so that I could, once again, hear heavy breathing.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain awakens and figures out what it is I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year. It cost about six hundred dollars a year. So far, I haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to go there.
Every time I hear or use the word exercise, it's like a profanity. So I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I believe the only advantage to daily exercise is that when you drop dead of a heart attack, everyone says "well, he sure looks good!"
Some advice for the over eager,,,; If you decide to take up cross country skiing, start with a small country.
Frankly, I've been getting a lot of exercise in the last few years just getting over the hill.
Listen, no matter what we do, we all get heavier as we age. It's because of all the useless knowledge packed in our heads over time.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Walking can add minutes to you life. Walk a mile or so everyday. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional five months in a nursing home at $5,000.00 a month of your offspring's inheritance.
My grand dad started walking five miles a day. And now we have no idea where he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
One reason I would take up walking is so that I could, once again, hear heavy breathing.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain awakens and figures out what it is I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year. It cost about six hundred dollars a year. So far, I haven't lost a pound. Apparently, you have to go there.
Every time I hear or use the word exercise, it's like a profanity. So I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
I believe the only advantage to daily exercise is that when you drop dead of a heart attack, everyone says "well, he sure looks good!"
Some advice for the over eager,,,; If you decide to take up cross country skiing, start with a small country.
Frankly, I've been getting a lot of exercise in the last few years just getting over the hill.
Listen, no matter what we do, we all get heavier as we age. It's because of all the useless knowledge packed in our heads over time.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I did too,I copied it to Facebook,that would be about my luck
.
Oh Shirley, you didn't!I did too,I copied it to Facebook,that would be about my luck
I have plenty more but they are basically me plagiarizing my own bizarre dreams. Not really humor.
Still I'm amazed at the worlds my grey-matter can create when I turn loose of the reins:bigeyes:.
What's that old Pink Floyd song "there's someone in my head, but it's not me"?
Ah yeah
...
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I’m going borrow the loch nest monster pic for obvious reasons
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A retired physician, Doctor Gordon Geezer, became very bored in retirement and decided to re-open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500 - if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor Digger Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: 'Aaagh! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!
You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000 back" (giving him a $10 bill).
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
*Moral of story* -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
*Remember:* Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.
ENJOY YOUR DAY!!!
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Read the bottom of the box.
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I love it! My wife says she should have thought of that years ago... now I am wondering if I should eat the pie this year...
